No One Has To Know
by DreaminDaze
Summary: Picks up a few months after the season 4 shooting. Lilly finds comfort, and the beginning of a relationship, in her partner Scotty. Angst, humor, romance, comfort, friendship, drama. Most definitely LS. Please Read and Review.
1. Don't Stand So Close To Me

**Hey Everyone ! So this is the first story that I've thought of maybe starting on this website. Actually it's the first story I've ever written so constructive criticism is welcome. Let me know if I should think about continuing it. **

**Chapter 1: Don't Stand So Close To Me**

Lilly Rush picked up the black permanent marker with a quiet triumphant feeling as she wrote CLOSED in capital letters on the monotonous white box. Sighing heavily, she looked around at her colleagues, all with a similar tired but satisfied look on their faces. It was really amazing how close they could become working these cold cases. A few years ago, who'd have thought this mismatched group of people … would become her family? And this case - this case full of ups and downs - had them all looking at each other for support. Another case closed, another family getting closure, another sleepless night …

_Not now Rush_, Lilly silently criticized herself as she descended the stairs into the evidence warehouse. Her partner, Scotty Valens, could always tell when something was on her mind when it shouldn't be. Especially in the recent months, after … _Oh, shut up_. Scotty had noticed the insomnia the first day she came into work a little too weary, a little too much makeup on her face to hide the crappy night. Thank god he'd never approached her about it. He seemed to know instinctively what she needed to get through that first month and even though Lilly knew he liked to tackle problems head on, he'd allowed her the space to push it out of her mind. And for that, she would be forever grateful.

Finally replacing the evidence box where it belonged, joining the ranks of cases they'd put to sleep, Lilly found herself completely drained. That was the downside to being a lone wolf cop. At the end of a case that took almost everything out of you, you had no one to lean on but yourself. The problem with that was that being a homicide detective required you to compartmentalize your human side; because if you didn't, if you allowed each case to get to you, it would all become way too much. Sometimes, when you're looking for yourself in that box you put your emotions away in, you couldn't find it.

Shaking her head fiercely, Lilly climbed the stairs and attempted to clear her melancholy mood. What the hell was wrong with her? The team had just closed another case; she should be celebrating, wearing that self satisfied grin like all the rest of them. A night with her cats, in front of the TV, that's exactly what she needed to get back to normal.

The idea of a smile crossed Lilly's face as she thought of the coziness of her own home and picked up her coat. Had she been paying attention to anyone else, she'd have noticed the teasing grins they were all wearing. But she was almost out the door …

"Where're you off to, Lil?" Scotty called after her. _No way is she thinking of leaving without getting a drink._

Spinning around, Lilly replied. "Home." And hoped it would be the end of things. The team had taken to going out to the local bar, Joe's, for a drink at the end of cases, but she really wasn't up for it tonight. But one look at the grin on Scotty's face told her he'd remembered their recent tradition. Another look around the room told her there was no way she was getting out of it.

Vera shot her a passive look when she cast her gaze at him, but out of the corner of her eye, she knew he was in on Plan Make Sure Lilly Goes Out Tonight. He was simply trying to avoid her wrath by taking the middle ground. When she looked away, the corner of his mouth twitched slightly in repressed laughter.

Stillman and Jeffries, on the other hand, were smiling kindly at her. "We're all going Lil." Boss nudged her gently. "Might as well … let your hair down."

Raising his hand in offer of a high five, Scotty enthused. "Yeah, boss." But quickly lowered his arm, clearing his throat when Stillman raised an eyebrow at him.

Turning to the only other female in the room, Kat Miller, Lilly hoped for some support. But she sighed heavily as the message in Kat's dark eyes became clear. _Hey, if I have to spend another second with these Neanderthals, then so do you._

Knowing she was outnumbered and that she was going out tonight no matter what, Lilly acquiesced gently. "I guess I'm going for a drink."

_It's okay, _her mind told her, _this could work too. Get so drunk you don't remember what happened that night you decided to walk into the bullpen with a gun wielding, angry lover._ Wincing slightly at the sudden onslaught of images in her head, Lilly plastered a smile to her face and followed her colleagues out of the now darkened squad room.

* * *

About an hour later, Lilly was sitting at the bar, occasionally taking sips of the beer in front of her and wishing fervently that she was at home instead of here. As another drunken college student took the stage for karaoke, Lilly changed her mind. _Anywhere but here would be alright for now. _Burying her head in her arms and suppressing a groan, Lilly vowed to never let them, _people_, coerce her into coming here when all she wanted was a night with Tripod and Olivia, again.

* * *

From somewhere across the bar, Scotty glanced at his partner, who clearly wasn't enjoying herself. _Too bad, _he thought sadly. He knew that she needed some sort of distraction. From … from what? Oh, yeah. From life. He should know. Only about 2 years ago, he'd have given his right arm to just forget about all the crap that had finally hit the fan. _Lil gettin' shot's not like Elisa dyin'._ He reminded himself sternly, but then he stopped there. Because there was no freaking way he was going down that road of self loathing again. Not tonight. So he took another swig of his scotch and lined up another shot on the pool table.

Just as he took the shot, Vera's voice rang out, "Distracted Valens? Cause if you hadn't noticed I'm kicking your ass."

His hand slipping at the last second, Scotty missed his shot horribly and straightened up to glare at the … interference that was Nick Vera.

"What the hell, man?" He griped, his voice laced with not anger, but irritation.

Vera chuckled, "You been staring at Lil all night. 'Ain't like it's a secret, what you two got going on."

His eyes suddenly wide with alarm, Scotty replied, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Scotty's deer in the headlights look made Vera want to roll his eyes, but he decided to suppress the reflex. Anyways, the man was obviously misunderstanding him. "Ever since she came back to work, you've been walking on eggshells around her." Vera turned around, lined up his shot and, to his excitement, the one day Valens was sucking seemed to be his lucky day. The ball landed neatly where it was supposed to go.

Scotty shrugged helplessly as he calculated what his best chance at catching up to Vera, and fast, was. As he prepared to sink at least 2 balls, his other colleague, Will Jeffries', deep voice rang out from behind him.

"Someone should go hang out with Lilly. She looks lonely."

_Damn it._ Scotty thought at he missed again. Sighing heavily, he turned away from the pool table and found two pairs of eyes staring at him. "What?"

"Lil" The two older male detectives replied in unison.

* * *

Lilly was seriously considering sneaking out of the bar when the excited, and intoxicated, chatter of the people around her started to bring on a headache. She reminded herself to be annoyed at the fact that her colleagues had convinced her to come here, and then abandoned her to the wolves. Just as she was straightening up, the familiar, woody scent of Scotty Valens filled the air as her partner sidled up next to her.

"Havin' fun?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah, Valens, a blast." She replied sarcastically, a small smile coloring her lips.

"Cause you know, you could always go join Miller out there." He cocked his head toward to the center of the bar and Lilly followed his gaze to an exuberant Kat Miller, who was usually the tough as nails cop that scared everyone away, but today was dancing our her troubles on the dance floor. With what appeared to be a complete stranger. Lilly couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"If I get that drunk, shoot me, please."

Scotty laughed appreciatively. She was making jokes, this was going well. She hadn't torn him a new one for dragging her out there yet. Maybe she was even having a good time.

"Same here." He commented softly.

A few minutes later, they'd descended into a comfortable silence and Scotty racked his brains, looking for some way to ask her what had been on his mind. Some way that wouldn't make her disappear behind the mask she wore so skillfully, because he'd seen a bit of the old Lilly tonight and wanted to keep it that way. Surprisingly, she spoke up first.

"Hey Scotty?" She looked over at him. "Thanks."

Scotty grinned. At least he'd done something right tonight. "No problem."

Lilly stared at him somewhat incredulously. "Aren't you gonna ask what for?"

"Nah." Came the cocky reply. "I can guess. You think that if I hadn't made you come out here. You'd be in your house with those cats you go on about all the time, which wouldn't be as entertaining as watching an addled Miller and hangin' out with me."

"Guess they didn't make you detective for nothing." Lilly said as she raised her glass at him. But she didn't reveal how surprised she was at the fact that he had, once again, read her mind. Because try as she might to pretend like she needed no one, the human contact was doing her some good. _God knows you need a more normal life, anyways Rush._ She reminded herself.

Seeming to understand the words she didn't voice, Scotty placed his hand on her back and stared into her soulful blue eyes. As her eyes met his, Scotty felt a shot of desire run through his system and quickly shook off the feeling. _You must really be drunk._ His brain told him. But logically, he knew, it wasn't possible. He'd barely had any scotch tonight. Before he could react though, Lilly stood up, practically knocking his hand off her back.

"I gotta go Scotty." She looked apologetic, but more than that, she looked confused. And before Scotty could react, she was out the door, leaving the barstool beside him suddenly hostile when it was not occupied by Lilly Rush. Shaking his head and taking another drink, Scotty wondered whether he was seriously lacking in sleep, because there was no freaking way he should be thinking about Lilly like that. _She's your partner. Your Friend._ But underneath the logic, his instincts screamed at him. _So?_

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_**Like it? Hate it? **_  
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	2. Realize

**Wow, thanks so much for all your feedback. Here's the next chapter. I know there isn't much dialogue, but I needed some time to just have both of them come to their senses. If you have any suggestions for the storyline, PM me, or leave a comment, because I totally don't know where I'm going with this, only that Scotty and Lilly will be going together. Oh, and I realized I forgot to put a disclaimer on the first on, so hopefully this makes up for it. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Cold Case, not only would it still be on the air, it would be in its Sunday 9pm time slot. **

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****Chapter 2: Realize **

As she stepped out of the crowded bar, Lilly was grateful for the cool night air on her burning cheeks. Her eyes were wide with panic, confusion, and she stared around, not entirely sure which way to walk or where to go. Silently wishing she'd paid more attention on the way here, Lilly settled for turning left and walking down a well lit avenue. God knows she needed the time to think anyways.

What exactly had happened back there? She didn't know. Where was she going now? She didn't know either. One minute she was sitting at the bar with Scotty, doused in companionable silence, and the next minute, he had his hand on her back, gently, caressingly, and he was looking at her as though there was something he couldn't bring himself to say. Sighing heavily, Lilly decided that the beginning was a good place to start processing her thoughts.

She and the team had solved another case, but instead of being satisfied like the rest of them, she'd immediately been – _worried._ Worried that, without a puzzling case to keep her busy, she'd have nothing to distract her from … from what? The nightmares? The loud noises? Her thoughts? The dark? Probably a combination of all of the above. Even so, she'd been fully intending to go home, cuddle up with her cats, and maybe watch a bad cop show on TV.

But then … Scotty Valens had smiled at her with that lopsided grin of his, and easily convinced her to accompany the team to Joe's. How had she agreed without putting up a fight? Maybe it was the sparkling twinkle in his eyes, still so full of optimism, even after the shooting. Or the way he always wore his heart on his sleeve, and one glance at him told her he wanted her there at the bar. Or perhaps, the way his sleeves were rolled up just enough to let her see his toned forearms …

_Whoa. Where did that come from?_ How did she get from, from harmless television, to her partner – who was unbelievably attractive and so caring and…

Lilly shook her head and forced the – ill advised – thoughts of her partner out of her head. _I've gone off the deep end_, she thought. Looking up from the pavement that she'd been staring at for the past half hour as she walked, Lilly took in her surroundings. She was in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and the sun had now completely disappeared below the horizon. Shivering slightly and hailing a cab, Lilly pulled her coat closer around herself and tried to steer her thoughts in a more appropriate direction.

But as the taxi brought her back into familiar territory, the only thing that remained on her mind was Scotty. She'd noticed him the moment they met, she couldn't deny that, but he'd always been just her partner, her friend. And then there was the Christina calamity and he wasn't even that. And now … now he was the person she trusted more than any other. Lilly couldn't help but hope that having his arms around her would chase away the nightmares that'd been a constant in her sleeping hours since … since Ed Marteson.

But Lilly was so used to dealing with her problems by herself, that possibly having Scotty by her side, as wonderful as it would be, as wonderful as he was, hadn't even crossed her mind. But he was _wonderful_. Over the past 4 years, Lilly had seen Scotty almost every single day. Including the weekends and late nights they'd worked together, due to their mutual lack of outside lives in general, Scotty, and the team, was the one constant in her life.

And lately, she'd started noticing, _moments_, between her and Scotty. Times where there just seemed to be something deeper than partnership between them. Thinking back two years ago, to the day she'd been forced to spill her worse secret to George Marks, of all people, she knew that even then Scotty had held a place in her heart. She'd heard what he'd done for her. How he threatened to murder Marks if he hurt her. And beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knew he meant it and Lilly also knew how difficult that was for him. Because as much as she herself was closed off, reserved, guarded, Scotty was too.

Oh sure, when it came to anger, frustration, and just plain annoyance, Scotty was an open book. When Valens was chewing on something, the whole team knew, and he'd been called on the carpet more than once for his short fuse. But fear? That was another demon altogether. And Lilly knew that Scotty was scared that night. Scared that she would come out of that attic in pieces. Why? _Because he cares about you, damn it. He – loves – you. And just the fact that you're thinking about him should tell you that you feel the same way, if you weren't so damn blind. _Not wanting to explore any further, Lilly silenced the nagging voice in her head and focused instead on the case they'd solved today, and not the, frankly quite alarming, realization, that she might just be in love with none other than Scotty Valens.

Still deeply lost in thought, Lilly didn't notice that the taxi had pulled up on the driveway of her quaint little row house. "Excuse me, ma'am?"

"Yeah." Lilly replied absentmindedly. She then tossed a few bills up to the driver and told him to keep the change as she hurried out the door.

* * *

Back at the bar, Scotty was still nursing a scotch and thinking about the events of that night. There had been a moment, or so he thought … maybe. _Damn it, there was definitely a moment, _he rephrased. Their eyes had met, and just below the surface he'd seen thousands of words they never shared, despite years of working together.

Scotty sighed in frustration as he realized tonight was one of many nights he'd felt some sort of connection with Lilly, and not been able to do anything about it. Against his will, the night of the shooting came to mind and Scotty felt the bar fading away as another memory of him and Lilly took over. It was time she'd needed him.

* * *

Scotty and Kat had returned to the precinct and found it surrounded with flashing lights and scurrying personnel. Then Kat had swooped and ambushed a security officer, given him an infamous, piercing stare and demanded he explain what the hell was happening. That was when they'd found out.

Ed Marteson had returned, with a gun and a temper, and was fully prepared to take it out on the room of homicide detectives. Scotty's immediate reaction had been one of shock, but that was quickly followed, and overwhelmed, by anger. What the hell were these people doing? Walking around and talking on their damn walkie talkies, when his friends, his boss, and the woman he – cared deeply about – were stuck with a maniac. Why the hell wasn't anyone doing anything?

When the first shot rang out, Scotty's head had snapped up from his arms where he'd buried it. Panic. Complete, soul filling panic had consumed him and in that moment, if the building had been on fire he'd have charged in there the same way he did that night.

Upon reaching the squad room, a panting mess, he'd seen the blood spreading from Stillman's shirt and noticed that Lilly was nowhere to be found. Someone, Vera or Jeffries, he couldn't remember who, had answered his unasked question. _She's in there._ The next thing Scotty remembered was his phone ringing and Lilly small voice on the other side. _Thank god, she's still alive._ Scotty remembered thinking.

He registered her cryptic warnings about where they were, but nothing made sense to him until her last word. _Hey._ And that's when he knew he was going in there and that it was what she wanted. Drawing his gun, he'd charged into the interrogation room and listened to the frightening exchange on the other side, hoping against hope that Ed Marteson wasn't facing his direction. And then Lilly's voice, laced with fear and determination, had shocked him back into the moment. _You wanna shoot me? Shoot me now! _He remembered wondering what the hell she was doing, until he understood, straightened up and fired two shots, the first shattering the glass and the second killing Ed Marteson.

Charging through the door, Scotty kicked aside the gun that lay abandoned on the floor once its owner was no longer alive. Still completely focused on Marteson, he hadn't noticed Lilly until … _he got me._

From then on, he remembered yelling for paramedics, catching her as she slid down toward the floor, bright crimson blood smearing on the gray wall. He knew someone had pushed his hands, stained with her blood from where he'd been applying pressure the best he could in his frantic state, away and affixed an oxygen mask on Lilly's expressionless face.

* * *

Snapping back to reality, Scotty downed the rest of his scotch and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. Thinking about those things only served to remind him of how close he'd come to losing her – and how much it terrified him. And, of course, of how powerless he was from preventing it from happening again – because that was exactly where he stands in this moment.

He'd seen her the first day she came back to work. Hugged her, even, which was something they'd never done before. And then, out of the corner of his eye, he'd seen her jump when someone dropped an evidence box on the floor. At that point, his heart sank because he knew the tough front she was putting on was simply an act. Oh, he suspected as much, but actually seeing the fragile person inside her, that had ignited in him such a feeling – like wanting to pull her back into his embrace and just, _be_, Scotty and Lilly, until all the fear, and all the pain, just disappeared.

That feeling that started when she first came back to work, just never really left, Scotty found himself musing. Over the next month, he'd found himself constantly tiptoeing around her. Their usual friendly banter, sometimes going too far and ending in him apologizing, had all but completely disappeared. Because, and Scotty was surprised at this, because he was scared that by saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing, he'd break her even more. The last time he'd felt like this, he realized, was with Elisa.

For the second time that night, Scotty had to remind himself, _Lil ain't like Elisa._ She isn't sick. She isn't exuberant one day and depressed the other. She isn't weak. _But she means just as much to me._ And when it finally hit Scotty, he wanted to smack himself on the forehead. He'd been careful around her and worried about her, simply because he managed to – somehow, idiotically, inexplicably, and _unbelievably_ – fall in love with her.

Talking aloud to himself, he said "You drunk or stupid Valens? Or both?" Mentally touching his finger to his nose, Scotty confirmed that he was, indeed, still in a reasonably sober mindset and after leaving some money on the counter and walking out the door, he wondered what he should do next.

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**Ah, finally. They both made some progress. Well, please leave me some feedback, it really makes my day and encourages me to keep writing. Like I said, this is my first story so constructive criticism is welcome. **


	3. I'd Come For You

**Hey everyone. Sorry this chapter took so long to upload. Even now I'm not quite sure I got Lilly and Scotty's character's exactly right. Oh well, please leave me a quick review to tell me what you think. OH also. There's a very _slight_ borrowed (ahem, yes I'll return them ASAP Shonda) line or scene from both Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, so kudos to you if you can spot them. :) Happy reading! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual  
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**Chapter 3: I'd Come For You**

Scotty circled her block yet another time. It was nearing midnight, yet he was still trying to muster up the courage to walk up to the door and knock. As he passed her house, trying not to slow down too obviously, he noted that in spite of the late hour, the light in the living room was on. He still didn't k now what the hell he was planning to say to her. How could he summarize the feelings of the past few months – _years maybe_ – of worry, affection, and desperation, in what could only be a surprise, late night visit.

Or maybe it wouldn't be a surprise. Maybe Lilly was expecting him to visit. Maybe she was feeling exactly what he was and wondering why the hell he hadn't done anything about it yet. Because Lilly was perceptive. She was a detective for god sakes, probably the best one on the squad, so there was no way she hadn't noticed what was going on between them. And the only possible reason – that he could think of anyway – that she hadn't call him out on it, and given him the ass kicking of his life, was because she… was just as confused and overwhelmed by these feelings as he was.

Suddenly feeling a wave of courage and chastising himself for the lack thereof before this point, Scotty parked his car with conviction, hurried up the front door and knocked softly.

When she didn't answer, Scotty leaned in and pressed his ear to the door. He could hear her TV droning on and sighing heavily, called her name, "Lil?" Still no answer. Getting just a bit frustrated, Scotty spoke into the door again. "C'mon Lil, I know you're in there. Its Valens."

Still getting no answer, Scotty tested the doorknob, and – to this shock and amazement – found in unlocked. Pushing open the door, Scotty stepped into the doorway and took in his surroundings.

Lilly's house was warm, a faint orange light glowing from various lamps. It was decorated with paintings and wall mountings that were not overly fancy, but perfect for someone who was rarely home, and needed that touch of home when she was. This personal side of Lilly was so rarely visible that Scotty had to spend a few seconds looking around. In fact, he was pretty sure he'd only been in her house twice before, both in untimely circumstances. Once because she'd almost thrown her career away for a guy, and another time – more recently – because her mother had died. But now, now Scotty was here, not as the uncomfortable coworker, but as a man who wanted so much to help her, and to hold her, and to somehow communicate what he'd realized in the past few hours – that he _loved_ her.

Scotty was so mesmerized by the personal side of Lilly that he rarely got to see, that he didn't even notice where she was at first. But then he saw – and the sight made his heart melt because it possibly the sweetest thing he'd seen in a long time.

Lilly was lying on the couch, fast asleep, one arm drooped over the side of couch, the tip of her fingers just barely brushing the carpet, and the other hand unconsciously clutching the simple, but elegant necklace she wore around her long, ivory neck. The TV was playing in the background, tuned to one of those mindless late night talk shows and she was dressed in a pair of cotton pajama pants and a tank top. With her on the couch, there were two, very alarming looking cats, whose names he'd heard were Tripod and Olivia from a disgruntled Vera who had once described in great detail Lilly's 'freaks of nature' after being forced to feed them. The white one, who had only three legs and whose name Scotty inferred was Tripod, was curled around her feet. The other, orange tabby, was sitting on her stomach, fixing him with a one eyed gaze he got from Lilly all the time.

Deciding that the mystery of her cats should be saved for another time, Scotty turned off the TV and wondered whether he should wake her up. Tripod and Olivia gave him a look that clearly said, _don't you dare wake her up, you – intruder, don't you know this is the first good night's sleep she's had in ages?_

_Of course I know, _Scotty wanted to reply, but not only did he realize the ridiculousness of talking to cats, he recognized that if he didn't wake her up, and she woke up on her own and saw him hovering above her, she'd, well, kick his ass out the door and halfway to China.

Before he could act though, Lilly was disturbed by something in her slumbering state. The look on her face was suddenly terrified and she murmured, "no … stop, don't shoot me…" Turning abruptly onto her side, the cats jumped off and were instantly tugging on Scotty's pant leg. This time their look conveyed, _well are you going to let her stay in there? Wake her up god damn it!_

But Scotty had acted without the prompts of Lilly's scary cats. Years of experience dealing with Elisa's nightmares gave him the knowledge of exactly what to do. Sitting on the edge of the sofa, Scotty grasped both her shoulders and shook her as gently as he could. "Lil. Wake up. C'mon, you're safe. It's a nightmare, Lil!"

When she finally awoke, Lilly sat bolt upright and looked around frantically, searching for the service weapon she'd left on the table. It was a moment before she noticed Scotty sitting next to her, and before she could wonder whether or not she was still dreaming – a much better dream though – he reached out and wrapped her in a bone crushing hug.

Scotty paid no attention to the healing wound on her shoulder, because he knew the pressure would help. Even if she couldn't breathe, she'd know he was here, he was real, and she was not in that place her nightmares had put her. Pressing a kiss to her soft golden hair, he whispered endearing words of comfort, "I'm here, Lil. You're okay. Everything's okay."

At first Lilly was shocked, her mind not being to work past the fact that Scotty was in her house, let alone enveloping her in such a tight hug. And then she heard the words he was murmuring into her hair. He wasn't denying her pain, like her mother had. He wasn't using her fears to psychoanalyze her childhood issues, like Joseph had. He wasn't trying to distract her, like Ray had. He was simply holding her, and doing his best to make it better the only way he knew how.

Suddenly feeling a rush of gratitude, Lilly collapsed and let her chin fall onto his shoulder, returning the hug and closing her eyes. It didn't matter why he was here, it didn't matter that no one else had ever seen her vulnerable before because – for now at least – Scotty was somehow managing to take the pain away.

Scotty felt a wave of relief wash over him as Lilly leant into his embrace, instead of fighting him like he'd expected her to. He didn't know how long he sat there, just holding her, occasionally pressing a kiss to her hair, and muttering whatever words came to mind. But soon, altogether too soon in his opinion, Lilly was pulling out of his arms and fixing him with a quizzical gaze.

"What are you doing here, Scotty?" Her voice was still shaky, but returning slowly returning to its normal timbre that made doers confess after all those years.

_Crap._ "I, um, you're door was unlocked Lil'"

"That's not what I asked you." She replied without a beat.

_Double crap._ "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." The response sounded lame even in his head and Lilly seemed to agree.

"I'm fine, Scotty." She said, obviously annoyed at being asked the question that so many were thinking. Abruptly, she stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open for him and waiting for him to leave.

Getting the hint, Scotty stood up. _Today's just not the day_, he told himself. But then he realized that this was exactly what she'd done that day he came to her house after she'd pretended to be sick. She'd opened the door for him, given him an out. _But what if I don't take it?_

Walking over to her, Scotty took the door from her hands and shut it quietly. "Lil, I – we, God, I just wanna make things easier for you. Trust me, I get it. Not wanting to talk to people. I mean, I practically wrote the whole damn book on avoidance. But what they say is true, Lil, it helps."

"What helps?" she replied harshly, her voice completely devoid of emotion.

Scotty wondered briefly how she did that. How she could switch so easily between Lilly and Detective Rush. One minute she'd been clinging onto him for dear life, not quite crying, but occasionally letting out a chocked sob. And now she had slipped behind a mask that hid the side of her he'd seen a few minutes ago. _Wish I could do that_, Scotty thought ruefully because all he wanted in that moment was to pull her back into his arms and pretend it was all okay.

Breaking out of his brief reverie, Scotty realized Lilly was expecting an answer. "Talkin'"

Rolling her eyes at him, she crossed her arms and said, "I do better not talking."

Sighing again, Scotty longed to rub her shivering arms, "You been different, ever, since… that night. Just tell me, Lil." He pleaded with her.

"Tell you what?" Her tone was evasive, and characteristic of someone who knew their interrogator was getting close.

"What's been going on with you."

"Scotty, it's really none of your business. I'll remember to lock the door next time, don't worry."

"Lil, it is my business. It's my business cause I care about you, way more than I should. I, care about you Lil." He shot her a significant glance and in that moment, he knew that she knew what he meant by, _I care about you._

"Leave. Now, Scotty."

"No" He took a step closer to her, "Not til we talk."

"Get out."

"No."

"Scotty…"

"Lil' …"

"Fine!" Lilly suddenly snapped. "You wanna know what's been going on? I haven't had a good night's sleep since the shooting. I'm always having nightmares, panic attacks. Do you honestly think the nightmare you woke me from today was the first? I don't sleep in my room anymore, because the curtains are gray and it reminds me of the observation room. Loud noises scare me. People dropping things, damn kids popping paper bags, hell even doors slamming sometimes. And I… I don't know what to do."

Lilly turned around and leaned her hands on the back of the couch, her breathing ragged from the repressed words that finally came spilling out. For his part, Scotty was stunned. For months, he wished she'd open up to him and tell him everything. But he had no idea that – everything – had gotten so bad. And now he had no idea what to say. "Lil…"

But she saved him trying to figure out what the hell he could do because she obviously wasn't done. Spinning back around to face him, she continued. "And you know what else happened to me? You. You happened to me. Because on top of all of this, today I realized that I – _care about you_ – too. Way more than I should. But there's no freakin way I can do anything about it because I can't lose you as my friend."

The anger and frustration finally dissipated from her voice and Scotty found an opening to speak. "Oh Lil. This … whatever this is … it could work if we just gave it a chance."

But before he could continue, Lilly closed the gap between them and captured his lips in a hot, desperate kiss and all logical thought was swept from his mind. _Holy mother of…_ he never knew kissing her would feel this good and this right. Spinning around and pinning her to the wall, Scotty felt her hands slip lower to toy with his belt.

All of a sudden, the logical thought pierced through the rest of his senses._ This isn't right. Not for your first time. If you take advantage of her, she'll never forgive you._ Sighing inwardly, Scotty broke their kiss and ordered his libido into silence. "Lil. No. We can't… not like this."

Lilly paid no attention to his protestations and continued to run her hands over his body. She lifted his shirt slightly, feeling his taught abs and kissing him desperately again. Knowing that if he didn't stop her soon, he'd have no chance in hell, he grasped both her wrists and yanked them away, holding them up above her. "Lil… I'm not gonna take advantage of you." _ I love you too much for that._

He saw the frustrated look in her eyes, accompanied with a flash of pain, presumably from her shoulder, as she fought his hands. But he didn't let go, not until he was sure it was safe. At that moment, Lilly realized exactly what she was doing, which was practically – no, completely – throwing herself at her partner, and in a second, she slumped against the wall and ceased her attempts to continue taking off his pants.

Sensing her defeat, Scotty gently let go of her wrists and placed them on either side of her. Her next words shocked him, and broke his heart at the same time.

"I'm sorry Scotty." She hated sounding needy, hated sounding weak and tired, but at that moment the will to continue standing on her own left her completely. "But I-I need you." Looking up into his eyes briefly and returning them back to the ground, she continued, "Could you, maybe, just… love me just for tonight?"

Her words knocked the wind of him. _Love._ She'd said it. The words they'd been tiptoeing around all night and replacing with 'I care about you'. Gently lifting her chin and making her meet his eyes, Scotty leaned in and gave her the most reverent, tender kiss he could muster as a response to her question. _Nah, Lil. I can't imagine loving you for any time shorter than the rest of forever._

But as they stumbled towards the bedroom, shedding clothing as they went, all logical thinking evaded both their minds in a love filled haze of lust.

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**Good? Bad? Please leave me a quick review, it only takes a second, to let me know. **


	4. Leave Out All The Rest

**Hey. I know, I know. It's been a while since I've posted a chapter. Things have just been so busy, what with final exams and all. Hopefully, I'll be able to update more often now that it's summer. As always, please take a second a leave a review just to let me know what you think. Happy reading. **

**Disclaimer: -.- I don't own them. You gotta rub it in?**

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**Chapter 4: Leave Out All The Rest **

It was a little while later – it may have been hours, or just seconds – but neither Scotty nor Lilly knew, nor had the desire to know, as they collapsed on her bed in a sweaty, panting heap. Scotty tried to articulate how much she meant to him, how beautiful she was, and how insane he was about her.

What he could get out of his mouth, "God, Lil…", seemed way too insignificant for the places they'd just been together.

"Mm?" She asked. Scotty grinned when he saw that Lilly's mind was no more coherent than his.

Turning around and wrapping an arm around her waist, Scotty wanted to hold her close, press soft kisses to her golden hair and whisper endearing things until the morning. But to his chagrin, he found his eyelids drooping and the stress of the past few weeks finally seeping into his bones. Eyes fluttering shut, he tightened his hold on Lilly, buried his head in the curve of her neck and let a small smile cross his face as he drifted off to sleep.

Lilly could feel Scotty's frantic heart beat slowing against her back and his breathing even out into slow, deep breaths. After a few minutes, when she was fairly sure he was asleep, she raised her head slightly to glance at the clock. _3:12_ _AM_. The glowing digital lights reminded her how close it was to the morning, and how much work she'd have to put in, covering the dark circles under her eyes when the time came.

Sighing in frustration, she knew that though her body was completely spent, in every way, and yet there was no way she was getting any sleep tonight. Not with the events of that night swimming around in her already crowded mind. Cringing slightly, recent memories of sounds and expressions made in the throes of passion filled her mind and Lilly knew she couldn't be around Scotty and expect to think straight at the same time.

Throwing her legs out of bed and wincing slightly at the protest of overused muscles, Lilly picked up a shirt that had been discarded and was hanging over a lamp, slipped it over her shoulders, and padded toward the kitchen.

A few minutes later, she was huddled comfortably in a cozy niche near the window, both cats curled in her lap, clutching a cup of hot tea. Leaning her head against the cold window, Lilly reflected on what had happened that night. Somehow they'd gotten from a night at the bar, to makeshift walls crumbling in her kitchen, to… the bedroom. Silently, Lilly cursed her inability to keep her personal life separated from work. There was Kite, and then there was Joseph, and now there's Scotty.

_Scotty isn't like the rest of them._ Lilly reminded herself softly. And at this thought, Lilly couldn't help but allow a smile to cross her face. Scotty definitely wasn't like the rest of the men she'd dated and just the thought of the way he looked at her sometimes made her heart melt.

But… starting something with Scotty, her partner, her best friend, was definitely what Vera would call ill-advised. It would mean putting her career on the line if this – whatever this was – crashed and burned. And it would mean putting herself on the line. Her heart and her pride and all the little things she kept buried away for all those years. All of that risked being exposed, wounded, and … loved.

Her head snapping up, Lilly felt the imaginary clouds above her head clearing. That was what was missing in her life, love, and she wanted Scotty to fill the gap. Because she trusted him, because over the 4 years they'd worked together, he'd somehow pushed his way past the iron clad walls she kept around her and he wasn't sorry, nor was he turning back. In the heart of hearts, she knew she wanted Scotty in her life, but how to tell him? That was another issue all together.

Stirring slightly in his sleep, Scotty felt around for the warm body of none other than Lilly Rush, hoping to catch a few more minutes of slumber before they were officially called for duty. _Maybe more than a few minutes._ He thought happily as he realized that they'd worked through Saturday on the last case and a glorious Sunday stretched in front of them. As novel and different curling up with Lilly was, nothing had ever felt more natural or more wonderful.

To his alarm though, his arms met not with the beautiful blond he expected, but cold bed sheets and – if he wasn't mistaken – the black bra he'd torn off of her mere hours before. When he saw a light in the hallway, he decided to investigate what Lilly was doing awake at… 4:30 in the morning. Scotty tried – and failed – to locate his shirt and settled pulling on his boxers and venturing into the kitchen.

Immediately, the mystery of his shirt was solved. There it was draped over Lilly's thin shoulders, the light blue appearing almost white in the light from the streetlamps. Deciding right away that Lilly looked far better in the shirt than he did, Scotty walked up behind her, not sure how to disturb the quiet, faraway look on her face.

And then he remembered a conversation they'd had a few weeks ago. _If you need me, just say hey._ And she definitely looked like she needed him.

"Hey." He said. Probably a bit more loudly, and a bit more abruptly than he wanted because her start of surprise didn't escape him.

"Scotty," She breathed a sigh of relief. " Don't… sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry." He hastened to apologize. "Whatcha doin up so… early?"

"Couldn't sleep." She replied shortly.

"Yeah, well. Me neither, not without you there." He shot her a flirty grin and hoped to wipe the slightly worried look off her face by reminding her of … everything that night.

Unfortunately, Lilly was in no mood to be distracted. There was something she had to say. Something she had to make clear.

"I've… gotta tell you something Scotty."

Sensing her serious mood, Scotty crouched down beside her and said. "Aythin, Lil." _Tell me everything._

"We've been, toeing the line, for a lotta years now Scotty. But tonight, we, God, I can't believe we…"

"Jumped the line and left it in the dust?" He offered.

Chuckling slightly, Lilly continued, "Yeah. And well…" She patted the spot in front of him and indicated he sit down opposite her. "I think, you and me, we could be something Scotty. We could, I mean maybe, we could give this a shot and maybe it would end up somewhere good. And I… really need good, Scotty." Realizing that she was rambling now, Lilly ordered herself to shut up and looked down at the patch of upholstery between them.

Deeply touched by her words, Scotty reached for her hands and was relieved when she didn't pull away. "I wanna be with you Lilly. And when I'm with you… all I wanna do is make you happy."

For the first time that night the full force of The Lilly Rush Smile filled the room and made it seem like morning. "So, Scotty. Do you wanna… I mean, should we…"

Seeing where Lilly was going, Scotty silently reprimanded himself. _You gonna make her do all the work Valens?_ And picked up where she left off. "Would you like to go out with me sometime, Lilly Rush?"

"Out? Like in public?" Lilly's dear in the headlight look told him that that was not where she was going.

Scotty frowned, "Well yeah, Lil. I mean, we got all day."

_All day._ Lilly couldn't remember the last time she had a whole day ahead of her and didn't dread the flashbacks her unoccupied mind would give her. With Scotty though, a full 24 hours seemed almost blissful. "Where would we go?"

"I dunno, dinner, or a movie." Scotty observed Lilly's unimpressed look. "A walk along the shore line watching the sunset?" He offered, only slightly joking.

Lilly couldn't help but laugh, however there was something she hadn't said yet. Something she had to be totally honest about, and something that she was sure Scotty would be opposed to.

"Scotty." Lilly's joking demeanor had suddenly completely disappeared. "I gotta tell you something else as well."

Scotty frowned, "You breakin up with me Lil?" Again, only half joking.

"No, no" She quickly responded. "It's just that… I'm a private person. And you… you are definitely not."

"I get it, Lil. You wanna keep this under wraps."

Lilly smiled in relief. He understood, just like he always did, and even if deep down inside he didn't, for her he was pretending like he did. And that's all she needed at the moment. "Yeah, Scotty. I just don't want everyone to know about this – before we even know how it's gonna go."

They exchange a look that says a million words without a sound. It's a look about where they both want this to go, how they can only hope it will go that way and an acknowledgment that they no longer have control over it. So Scotty says the only thing he can think of. The only thing he hopes will assuage her fears that were ever present, even when they were hidden under that brilliant smile.

"No one has to know."

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**So there you have it. I dunno if the dialogue was a bit boring. Review for the next chapter! **


	5. Home

**So I seriously debated whether I was going to keep posting this story. There just doesn't seem to be that much interest anymore. I mean, I do post this for you guys (okay, maybe it's for me too... my coping mechanism for Cold Case's cancellation). I've had a lot of people add this story to their alerts, but not a lot of reviews (too high expectations?). Anyways, I have the next few chapters planned, but I don't know if I'm gonna post them. For now, enjoy this and please just take a second to leave a comment...  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own them - not inspired, I know...

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**Chapter 5: Home**

When they looked back on the next few hours of that night, neither Scotty nor Lilly would remember much about it. Between the fatigue of being up until sunrise and the emotional weariness that got the better of both of them, they hadn't said much more.

After their discussion Scotty had tentatively stood up, grasped Lilly gently by the hand and led her back upstairs. They slipped into bed, both too exhausted to talk, and Scotty reached over to switch off the bedside lamp. When the room remained illuminated, Scotty sat up in surprise.

"What the…" He looked around the room suspiciously.

From her horizontal position on the bed, Lilly giggled, "It's dawn Scotty." She gestured toward the rays of sunshine peeking through the curtains. Glancing at the disbelieving expression on Scotty's face, Lilly got up and pulled the curtains closed, then climbed back into bed as quickly as she could.

Lying back down and rolling over to kiss her, Scotty mumbled. "No it ain't. I'm still tired so it's still night."

Lilly laughed out loud at his childish, endearing attitude and Scotty smiled into the back of her neck.

"What?" She asked.

"Just nice to hear you laughin'." Scotty replied simply.

Turning in bed to face him, Lilly wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed him slowly and deliberately. Then she looked over his shoulder, at the expanse of gray that pulling the curtains closed revealed. She frowned, remembering why she usually didn't sleep in here anymore.

Scotty immediately sensed her discomfort. He leaned over, knowing instinctively what she was thinking, kissed her brow to remove the frown and whispered. "We'll change the curtains Lil."

And that was all they needed to fall asleep.

* * *

A few hours later, Scotty awoke and inhaled the sweet, intoxicating scent that was Lilly's shampoo, Lilly's pillows, and Lilly's... wait. Were those cats? He opened his eyes fully and found that the soft thing he'd buried his face in wasn't a blanket or a pillow. It was a cat. A three legged cat giving him the most ferocious cat glare he'd ever seen. Her orange counterpart also stood between him and Lilly, forming an impenetrable wall of feline.

Scotty frowned and continued to look wearily at the cats. He knew they were doing their best to protect their beloved owner. In fact, they'd probably witnessed the Kite, Ray, and Joseph debacles, and were now resolute and determined to protect Lilly. "I ain't gonna hurt her." He reassured Lilly's cats.

Olivia and Tripod only hissed. So much like Lilly's common reaction to people invading her personal space. And with that, Scotty began pondering the relationship between Lilly and her cats. Olivia's missing an eye. Tripod's missing a leg. Lilly's missing… what? Lilly was so guarded that Scotty didn't really know a lot about her past. Except what he learned from Christina and the things she'd let slip in passing, unawares of a breach in her walls.

He remembered a cold night more than three years ago, during one of their very first cases together. Toya Miles. Bruises and butterflies. Throughout the case, Scotty had remained stoic in his belief that while Rosie had made mistakes, she wanted the best and loved her little girl. When they left the precinct that night, Lilly had surprised him with her sudden bitter and unforgiving tone.

"_Unwanted kid. Mom runs out of food stamps, makes an excuse for why there's no dinner tonight. Oh, and uh, no breakfast either."_

"_You tellin' me not once did you feel … some kinda love?"_

Lilly had dodged his question, putting on an icy mask and diverting the topic back to the case. She'd suggested they take Rosie home tomorrow and Scotty knew that was all he was getting out of her tonight. He knew that the survival instinct kicked in and Lilly was suddenly, horribly aware of everything she'd said.

That night when he got home, Scotty had pulled an album from a box in his closet that he had not yet unpacked. He'd spent hours flipping through one dusty album after the other. Gazing at picture of him and Mike, of his parents, Ramiro and Rosa, and he remembered being suddenly filled with an overwhelming sadness for Lilly, and all she'd missed out on. This was back before he'd even known what she'd grow to mean to him, and even then his heart had gone out to her. He couldn't imagine not being loved as a child, and convinced himself that it wasn't as bad as she made it out to be.

The only other thing he knew about her was from the few weeks he was caught in Christina's web of manipulation. Being completely lost after Elisa's death had rendered him unsympathetic to the pain he was causing Lilly by stepping out with her sister. Even when Chris tried to explain what happened between the two sisters, Scotty had cut her off. He told himself then that it was because he respected Lilly's privacy and that what went down between her and Chris was none of his damn business. But later, when the haze of pain cleared, Scotty knew it was because he didn't want to know anything that would make it hard to be with Chris. If he knew the reason their relationship was hurting Lilly, he'd know the extent of the damage he was doing.

And it would be too hard.

Now though, Scotty could analyze the things Chris had tried to tell him without being overcome by guilt and he knew that there was not much to the story. Her fiancé of 9 years ago was just another betrayal, aggravated by the disloyalty of her own sister. And that was all he knew about her past. Betrayed so many times she didn't know who to trust.

Snapping out of his completely ill timed torrent of thoughts, Scotty looked up to find Lilly's cats looking appeased. Almost like they'd sensed the memories he'd just been through and were convinced they'd be enough to warn him off of hurting Lilly. They stepped aside, removing the barrier between him and Lilly and allowing him to put his arms around her. In that moment, after receiving the blessing of her cats, Scotty swore he'd never _ever_ do anything to break the fragile heart she'd inadvertently entrusted him with. Then, he drifted off to sleep once more.

* * *

It wasn't until a few hours later that Lilly awoke. Raising her head to glance at the clock, she was surprised to discover it was past 4 PM. She and Scotty had been asleep for … almost 12 hours. Lilly gazed over at – her partner, boyfriend? – and felt warmth flood her heart. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips until his eyes fluttered open.

"Mm. Ain't that a nice way to wake up…" He whispered against her mouth.

"I'm hungry." Lilly replied. And she was, famished in fact.

"Me too." And the look in his eyes and the way his hands began to roam her body told her exactly what he was hungry for, and it wasn't food.

"Scotty!" She swatted his hands away. "I'm actually hungry, for real food. And besides," she pouted, "you promised me a date."

"I did, didn't I?"

"Yep." Lilly replied cheerfully.

"Then I guess we better get outta bed, and take a shower, and get dressed, and go out…" Scotty trailed off, clearly indicating how much work that would be.

"Ugh." Lilly flopped back down onto the bed and registered her unwillingness to do that much movement. "Or we could stay here."

"Finally, you see the light."

"But I'm still hungry." She insisted.

"I'll cook for you." He offered.

She raised her eyebrows incredulously. "I don't keep food in my fridge Scotty. You're never gonna be able to rummage up dinner."

Leaning in for another kiss, he replied, "Never say never."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Scotty and Lilly stood at the door of her refrigerator. Lilly, dressed in pajama pants and a cotton long sleeve, watched carefully for Scotty's reaction at the contents of her fridge. There was a collection of old takeout containers. Ranging in age from a few days up to… Was that? Yeah two weeks. That made up the bulk of her fridge, along with a bit of cheese and ham that she occasionally fed to her cats, a six pack of beer and a few jars of tomato sauce.

"What's the tomato sauce for Lil'?" Scotty asked, curious. After all, it was the only non takeout or ready-to-eat food in her fridge.

Lilly shrugged, "Tomato sauce is easy to heat up."

Straightening up, Scotty shut the door and turned to Lilly. "How do you feel about pizza?"

Grinning, Lilly replied, "Told you so." She reached for a stack of take out menus. "Pizza Hut, or Domino's?"

Placing a hand over hers to stop her, Scotty chuckled. "Oh, we ain't orderin' pizza Lil, that's way too easy."

His lopsided grin gave her pause and she considered the meaning of his words. Her eyes widened in shock. "No way Scotty. That oven hasn't been turned on since I moved in."

"Then maybe it's time we give it a spin."

The look on his face told her he wasn't backing down on this. He told her he'd cook for her, and that was damn well what he was going to do. Lilly acquiesced, but informed him grimly, "Fine, but just so you know. I _can't_ cook. And I mean it, not even breakfast, and here you are, in my kitchen…"

Scotty cut her off before the nervous rambling got the best of her. "Don't worry. I'll show you how it's done. Grab some flour, a measuring cup, the cheese, tomato sauce and ham."

As Lilly scrambled to gather the ingredients he needed, Scotty preheated Lilly's oven and cleared the counter of files from work.

"Watch." Scotty added some water to the flour and began to knead the dough into a perfect consistency.

Lilly looked on, curious about the man she really only saw in a suit and tie, who was now, not just in her kitchen, but putting it to use for the first time in years. From behind, she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back.

"You do that, I won't be able to finish our dinner Lil." Scotty informed her jokingly. All of a sudden, he had an image of himself spinning her around, pressing her against the counter, and having his way with her. Dinner be damned until… The grumble of his own stomach and the desire to impress Lilly interrupted his lascivious thoughts and he extricated himself from her arms, making room for her at the counter.

Lifting up the now circular dough, Scotty spun their dinner around in the air before expertly catching the base of their pizza. He laughed at Lilly's wide eyed look. "You wanna try?"

Lilly tentatively lifted the dough and attempted a halfhearted toss, resulting in their dinner coming about 3 inches from the floor, before Scotty caught it with a grin.

"Just takes practice" He reassured her.

A few minutes later, when the tomato sauce and cheese had been added to the pizza, Scotty turned to her and asked. "So what toppings you got, Lil?"

"Toppings?" Lilly stared back. "You've seen the inside of my fridge Scotty, that's about it." She paused, then handed him the chunk of ham. "You could use this, but the cats might scratch your eyes out."

"Well, we already took their cheese. Maybe we shouldn't traumatize 'em too much."

"You're probably right." Lilly responded, clearly amused.

"The pizza just won't be right without toppings Lil!"

Lilly laughed, the open, beautiful kind of laugh that can make someone's entire face light up. "You're too high maintenance, Valens."

"What are you talkin' about?" He shot back.

"Oh, _real_ nutmeg in the coffee, toppings on pizza."

"That ain't high maintenance, Lil. It's food."

The words slipped out before Lilly could stop them, "Well in my family. Cooked was whatever was spinnin' under a lamp at the 7 – eleven. So…" She turned away, embarrassed.

Scotty sighed, slid the pizza into the oven and smiled at her. "Cheese pizza will be fine." He commented quietly, as he brushed a lock of golden hair out of her face.

* * *

A while later, Scotty leaned back on Lilly's couch. A pizza cooking in the oven. Cold beer in his hand. Lilly next to him… this was really turning out to be a good date. He wasn't sure who had suggested they watch TV, but as they flipped through Lilly's DVR, the tension of a visit from Lilly's past melting by the second, Scotty felt a sense of being… home.

"What do you wanna watch?" Lilly asked, folding her legs under her and glancing over at Scotty.

Scotty looked at the list of shows Lilly saved for later and laughed. "Criminal Minds? Seriously Lil?"

It was Lilly's turn to go on the defensive, "What?"

"They're cops." He replied. "You, you are what them profilers would call a creature of habit."

"It's a good show." She protested. "And you obviously watch it too."

"Only sometimes." He shot back. He listed some of her other shows. "And Law and Order? CSI?" He grinned, making his point clear.

Before Lilly could come out with a clever comeback, the oven dinged and Scotty got up to get their dinner, flashing her another flirty grin. _Nice goin' Valens. Scotty 1, Lilly 0._

When he got back though, they both dug into their dinner, all thoughts of what was playing on TV forgotten.

"Oh God, Scotty…" Lilly trailed off, taking another huge bite of pizza.

"Good?" Scotty grinned "Imagine what I could do with proper ingredients."

Lilly didn't know if she was just starving, but this was definitely the best pizza she'd ever tasted. "Thanks." She smiled. Pausing, she added, "You've got tomato sauce on your chin."

And she leaned over and slowly licked the sauce from his chin, raising her eyes to find that his had darkened with lust.

"I'm not done my pizza yet Valens!"

* * *

**And there it is... I really don't know how pizza is made, and I hope it's along the lines of that :) **


	6. In Your Own Way

**Thank you guys for renewing my faith in myself :) I know posting the same comments gets redundant sometimes, but I just really need to know people are still reading and interested. So thanks. I'm a bit nervous about this chapter, just because it isn't Lilly/Scotty centric like the others so far. It's Monday and that means all the other characters will be joining the story. Let me know what you think please. **

**Disclaimer: All I own is the dead girl and her boyfriend.

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**Chapter 6: In Your Own Way**

Monday morning dawned bright and early. Too early for Scotty and Lilly who'd spent most of Sunday night… not sleeping. When being in bed finally turned to actual sleep, it was nearly dawn. They slept right past the alarm she'd set – and the back up one on his phone. It wasn't until the shrill tone of Lilly's phone filled the room for the third time that she finally awoke.

"Shit!" She exclaimed, knocking over a glass of water as she reached for her cell. All professionalism forgotten, she answered it. "Yeah? What?"

"Um, Lil?" Her boss's quiet, tentative voice on the other line startled Lilly. "You plannin' on comin' in today?"

"Yeah of course, Boss." She glanced at the clock. It was almost 10 am, she was usually in the office by 8:30. "Oh! Sorry, sorry. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"And Lil?"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Could you give Scotty a call?" His voice was suggestive, as if he knew exactly where Scotty was at the moment, but he really _really_ didn't want Lilly to confirm it.

All of a sudden Lilly's heart was beating faster. Apparently, the first test at keeping all of this a secret would fall on her. Hoping that her voice would not give away the fact that the man in question was currently, forbiddingly, lying next to her, Lilly steadied herself by leaning on the edge of the bed. _You can do it, Rush_.

"He isn't in yet?" Lilly asked. She hoped the feigned innocence was enough to deceive her boss. "And yeah. I'll call him."

Hanging up the phone so as not to arouse anymore suspicion, Lilly frantically shoved the lump that was Scotty Valens. "Scotty!"

He mumbled in his sleep. "Toast and eggs…" Then turned around onto his back, still completely oblivious to the world and the unusually late hour.

"What?" Lilly was momentarily confused.

"Breakfast…" Scotty continued to mumble.

For a moment, Lilly just stood there and smiled, caught in how adorable the moment was. When Scotty was asleep, the tough façade was cast away, and what was left was just pure Scotty. The Scotty who was still a child at heart and wanted nothing more than toast and eggs in the morning to be happy. Lilly wanted to get back into bed, hug him, and then make him the toast and eggs he craved. But unfortunately, this was definitely not the time. Duty called, and like it or not they had to answer.

"Who's making you breakfast?" Lilly yanked the sheets off of Scotty's sleeping form. "We're late, I'm going to take a shower."

Scotty sat up and rubbed his bleary eyes. He registered a blond form disappearing into the washroom with a hasty order of "And clean up that water."

Making his way over to the washroom, Scotty pressed his ear to the door and confirmed that the past few moments wasn't part of his dream. He raked his hand through his hair, groaning when he saw that the water on the floor was also real. Then he saw the clock and swore mightily.

Scotty hurried into kitchen and picked up a roll of paper towels to clean up the offending water Lilly had mentioned. He then looked around the bedroom, which after two nights of their use was in complete disarray. They were late. This was bad. He and Lilly were usually the first ones in the office. For them to both be late on the same day… it would definitely create suspicion. And the others, Vera especially, would definitely not let that go easily. Them coming in together though, not to mention Scotty being in his clothes from Saturday, would definitely be pushing their luck. Decision made, Scotty decided to leave a note and go to his house to pick up some clothes, hopefully staggering their arrival times.

As he leaned against Lilly's kitchen counter, chewing on a piece of left over pizza. He wondered how this should sound. _Ain't like she's gonna read it carefully. _And Scotty knew that was true. In fact, Lilly looked so harried that she'd probably bolt out of the door without noticing his absence. _Still_. His mind insisted that he make it clear he hadn't left her.

_Lil, _

_Going home to get some clothes. I'll see you at work. _

Scotty paused. What now? _From Scotty?_ Too formal. _Love Scotty?_ Too alarming and way, way too early for someone like Lilly. He settled on _– Scotty, _then paused and added a note. _P.S. There's left over pizza by the microwave._

And with that he turned and left Lilly's house.

* * *

20 minutes later, record time for Lilly, she was fully dressed and sweeping her still wet hair into a pony tail. She walked into her bedroom, smiling happily when she noticed that Scotty had been conscious enough to hear her frantic request that he clean up the water she spilled.

"Scotty?" She called into the hallway, fully expecting to see his almost clothe-less form, wandering aimlessly in her kitchen.

But she was met by silence.

All of a sudden, Lilly felt an unexplainable, irrational, shot of fear pierce her veins. Had he left? Without so much as a goodbye? After everything they'd been through together that weekend, she'd expected at least an apologetic sentence about how this weekend was great, but they couldn't do this.

No damn it. That's not what she expected, she corrected herself. She expected him to still be here.

Her breathing slightly panicked, Lilly reached down to stroke her cats, who had wound themselves around her feet.

"Where is he, girls?" Lilly asked, not at all expecting an answer.

The look the cats gave her was easy to read_. He left, Lilly. Just like all the rest of them._

Lilly walked into her kitchen, deathly quiet after the hubbub of last night. She immediately noticed the note on the table and when she read it, relief flooded her heart. Childish, naïve relief that screamed of old issues. But for that morning, it was enough to make her say to her cats.

"See? He's just gone to get some clothes. And… he left me breakfast."

Lilly picked up their delicious pizza and left for work. _Lilly 1, Cats 0

* * *

_

Vera took in his colleague's slightly frantic and sheepish expression as he burst in the doors of the precinct. Face breaking into a wide grin, he nudged his partner Will Jeffries and the two of them prepared to give the younger detective some hell.

"Late night Valens?" Nick's gravelly voice drew attention to Scotty's arrival.

Scotty immediately went on the defensive. "Why do you care?" He asked suspiciously. No way Vera was hinting at - what he thought he was hinting at. Or if he was, it wasn't about the woman he was thinking about. _Right?_

Nick rolled his eyes, as if he shouldn't have to explain, "If you met some hot chick, we expect you to share. That's why we care. So spill it Valens. Why do you have sex hair?"

Damn it. He knew there was something he'd forgotten. Scotty smoothed down his hair, and Vera pounced on his silence.

"He did! Oh come on man, details. Was she good in bed?"

Suddenly irritated, Scotty retorted sharply, "Ain't any of your business Vera." He looked toward Jeffries for help.

Now Jeffries was all for friendly teasing, but this morning he sensed something was different. Scotty Valens, who used to brag about his women, or informants as he called them, whenever he could, was suddenly being defensively secretive. That could mean one of two things, that he was just seriously annoyed with Nick and hadn't had his morning coffee or... he'd met someone too special to talk locker room talk about.

Will Jeffries took another look at Scotty's face. It was filled, not with annoyance laced with anger and fatigue, but with worry and panic. Worry and panic that could only come from hiding a secret that was about to be exposed. Suddenly, the older detective knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Scotty Valens had met someone. Someone special that made his head spin round.

"Lay off Nick. Let the man be in peace." Jeffries knew that Scotty hadn't been in a serious relationship that made him this happy since the Elisa mess that left him inebriated half the time and angry the other half. And he wanted nothing, especially their meaningless teasing, to ruin whatever happiness Scotty had found.

Scotty sighed in relief. The last thing he wanted to talk about was the amazing weekend he had, lest he give away a vital detail… like the identity of the woman.

Just then, Lieutenant Stillman stepped out of his office, looking grateful at the brief reprise from paperwork. "So Lil got to you, Scotty?" He commented casually.

Scotty spun around and sputtered. "Lil? No I haven't seen Lil. What are you talkin' about boss?" His heart was racing in his ears and he quickly racked his brain, trying to find out when he'd screwed up and let the cat out of the bag in the 10 minutes he'd been in the office.

Stillman looked confused. "I told Lilly to call you." He spoke slowly and clearly.

"Oh, right. She must've missed me." Scotty replied, feeling the heat creep up his cheeks and the scrutiny of his colleagues, hoping against hope that Lilly would pop out of nowhere and corroborate his story.

"Hey Scotty. Tried to call you this morning." Lilly walked in through the door, locking away her gun, looking completely unperturbed. "Mondays are a bitch." She added, as an explanation for her and Scotty's lateness.

Lilly looked around the room, her colleagues and boss still frozen with shock. "What?" She asked.

"You're never late, Rush." Vera explained. "I mean you practically live here."

"Hey, I got a life." Lilly retorted.

"Yeah right." came Nick's sarcastic response. "What d'you do this weekend then?"

The conversation suddenly more interesting, Scotty chimed in. "Yeah Lil? What d'you do?"

Lilly was saved from answering by Kat Miller, who had sauntered into the room carrying an evidence box and was disgusted to find that they were questioning Lilly Rush instead of doing their jobs. "Hey! Anyone notice we got a case?" She asked to no one in particular.

Relieved, Lilly jumped at the chance to work. "What do we got?"

Lilly tried in vain to calm her racing heart as Kat began to explain the case. "Holly Wilder. 17. Found dead in Harlem, single shot to the chest, right around Christmas of 02."

"Any leads?" Scotty asked, thanking god he was switching back into detective mode.

Jeffries replied, "Original theory was a drug deal gone wrong. The corner she was found on was known drug territory." At Scotty's questioning look he added, "Some of us of us were here on time."

"But Holly came from Chestnut Hill, straight A's, honor student. The drug theory went nowhere." Vera continued.

"Then there was the boyfriend. Wayne, somethin' or other, Simms. Wayne Simms. Nothin' much on him, just a shady character." Kat informed the team. "Refused a comment the first time around."

"Only reason someone does that…" Lilly began.

"Is cause they got somethin' to hide." Scotty finished.

Having heard enough, Stillman informed the team of their game plan. "Vera, grab Kat and see if the boyfriend is more forthcoming today. Will and I will see if we can get her medical records and autopsy. Scotty and Lil why don't you guys go talk to the parents. Let them know we're reopening the case"

"How did this case get dug up anyways?" Scotty asked. He saw no evidence of a new lead that they hadn't had in 02.

Vera looked at Kat. "_Someone, _got bored this morning and decided to go digging through cases, found this one she liked." His grinn spoke of both amusement, and admiration for the woman who dedicated every spare moment to finding justice to give.

"She wanted to be a prosecutor, Nick. And besides, December of 02, most of Philly's cops were focused on that serial rapist hittin' universities. No one gave this case a fair shake."

"Maybe now's the time." Lilly added, her blue eye filled with determination.

* * *

Scotty and Lilly walked out of the Philadelphia Police Central Department and as they entered the parking lot, Scotty reached down and linked his fingers through Lilly's. They'd gotten through the first morning. Definitely not as gracefully as he would have liked, and more than once they'd seemed way too close to the edge, but all in all, nothing lost.

She looked up in surprise, "Not now Scotty." She warned quietly. They had to be more careful. The case would keep them busy for a few days, but at the next open opportunity, Lilly knew the team would be scrutinizing their every move.

"No one can see us." He promised, but he refrained from kissing her as they walked out in the open.

The moment they slipped into the car, their lips met and Scotty's hand tangled in Lilly's ponytail. "You're so beautiful." He told her honestly. As a response, she loosened his tie just enough to kiss the base of his neck and Scotty let one hand drop to her hip.

Sighing heavily, Lilly rested her forehead against Scotty's, their lips a few inches apart. "We can't."

"I know." He replied, but he continued to run his hand over her body.

"This is the department's car."

"Yeah…"

"We better stop, Scotty."

"Then you better stop lookin' at me like that Lil"

And with that they broke apart, both panting, both wanting more, both knowing this was neither the time or place. Thoroughly frustrated, Scotty started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. Due to his characteristically fast driving, they were at their destination within 10 minutes.

Lilly walked purposefully toward the Wilders' front door, the feelings of the last few minutes completely buried, and rapped loudly. A middle aged woman answered the door. "Yes?"

Within a few minutes, Scotty and Lilly were seated together on the Wilders' sofa, deciding what would be the best way to approach the subject. It was never easy, the role of informing the loved ones, being bystanders to the kind of heart wrenching pain that comes from losing someone close to you. Being out on the line made you witness to the shocking, stinging pain that felt almost violent. Lilly had never been able to prevent herself from feeling that along with the families. Even when her old partner, Ben Fulcrum, had stressed NHI, she couldn't help but hold Patrick Bubly in her arms and close her eyes against the shock of the emotions overtaking her.

When she found her niche in the homicide department, cold cases, Lilly had hoped she'd be exempt from those kinds of experiences, but no such luck. Reopening cases years old only served to dredge up memories long ago buried, but equally painful. Over the years the entire team had learned to dread this part of the investigation, but Lilly knew it was this that would keep her going over the next few days.

Mrs. Wilder spoke up first, "You must be here about Holly." She smiled kindly. "Just ask."

"We wanted you to know that we're takin' another look at your daughter's case." Scotty said, all business.

"Why?" Mr. Wilder barked. "You people didn't care then. All you saw in my Holly was a girl who died on the drug corner. Just another worthless druggie, right?"

"Ignore him." Mrs. Wilder said. "I've come to peace with Holly's death. My husband hasn't quite managed it yet."

"The goddamn Philadelphia police didn't even look into Wayne Simms. He's the one who killed her, I know it." His rough voice in contrast with his wife's timid one.

Lilly jumped in, "Why do you say that?"

This time Mrs. Wilder spoke, and Scotty and Lilly were surprised at the angry tone her kind voice had suddenly taken. "When Holly started dating him, she'd always come home… hurt. Once I had to take her to the hospital. Three broken ribs. But no matter what we said, she wouldn't stop seeing him. By the time she died, we barely saw her at home anymore…" She trailed off sadly.

Lilly and Scotty exchanged a significant glance, all of a sudden feeling a new level of sadness. It would have been different if their victim had been a victim of opportunity, but Holly had struggled before her death. There was an entire, heart wrenching story for them to uncover. On her left, Scotty squeezed Lilly's hand, and the simple gesture gave her the strength to smile at the obviously still grieving parents.

They stood up to leave. "We'll look into it." Lilly handed the couple a card, "Call us if you remember anything else."

* * *

The team's interviews and forages through hospital politics took most of the afternoon and by the time all six of them returned to the precinct, the sun was setting and they were the only ones left.

"Well that was a complete waste of time." Vera exclaimed as he sank into his desk chair. "Did you guys know that there were 14 Wayne Simmses in Philly?"

Equally tired, Kat leaned against the wall, "We went through 6 of them. None of them remember dating a Holly Wilder."

Lilly was eager to share the information they'd learned, "The parents say Wayne liked pushing Holly around." She raised an eyebrow at Vera and Miller, "So maybe you'll have to track down those 8 other Wayne Simmses."

"Medical records confirm that," Jeffries added, "Numerous hospital visits in the months leading up to her death." His voice was heavy with emotion, and the entire team knew what he was feeling.

It was Scotty who voiced it first, "takes a special kinda jackass to beat up on his girlfriend."

"Well unfortunately, those special kinda jackasses exist around every corner." Kat informed him cynically. Trust Scotty Valens, the baby of homicide to get angry at this kind of thing when it happened all the time. Not only did jackasses beat up on their girlfriends, they got them pregnant, then left them...

_He didn't mean to say that_, Kat told herself, _he doesn't know about Jarrod Jones._ _  
_

As a wrap up to the conversation, Stillman said, "I think we'll have a lot to go on tomorrow. Someone's gotta stay and write up those reports, but I think the rest of us can call it a night."

The entire team shot meaningful looks at Scotty and Lilly, who chuckled and volunteered to stay. When the last of their colleagues had left, leaving only the two of them, Scotty sank down into a chair and pulled Lilly into his lap.

"Long day," he said, kissing her on the forehead.

"Yeah…" she replied, clearly exhausted. "We better get started on this paperwork."

He nibbled on her earlobe, "or we could go to my place." Scotty raised his eyebrow suggestively.

Standing up and walking over to her desk, Lilly replied, "not until we get this done. Holly's waited long enough."

They worked in silence for a few seconds, then after hearing Scotty's latest sigh of disappointment, Lilly spoke up, "If you don't do that for the next hour while we finish this. I will give you all the sex you want when we get to your place."

Scotty's face broke into a wide smile. This, this was certainly a side of Lilly that he had never _ever_ in his life seen before. In all the years they'd worked together. He'd seen fear, that night in the attic with George. He'd seen sadness, when her mother died. He'd seen sheer panic, when she was cornered by Ed Martenson. And on a daily basis, he saw happiness, determination, and more recently he'd seen helplessness. But outwardly flirty? Never.

Her words made him go through the work with a renewed zeal and for the first time he could remember, he finished before Lilly. He stared across the table at his partner – his girlfriend? Her head was bowed, and she was focused on the task at hand, leaving Scotty completely free to take in the beautiful site. _Te amo Lilly._ He thought to himself, dreaming of the day he would be able to say it out loud.

* * *

**So now you guys know what I mean by different. I thought it might make the story more realistic to give our favorite detectives a case to work on. Let me know if it's too uninteresting. **

**Also I know I changed Kat's story a little bit, but it just seemed appropriate as I wrote this. Sorry if it's out of character.  
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	7. All At Once

**Thanks for all your feedback. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. **

**Disclaimer: Checking... checking... nope, still don't own them. Definitely at the top of my wish list though.  
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Chapter 7: All At Once**

The next few days passed in a blur of fruitless interview that left the entire team beyond frustrated. After the first day, they'd had no breaks in the case despite late nights at the office. It wasn't until Thursday morning that Vera finally put down the phone, triumphant.

"Finally got the full toxicology report on Holly Wilder," He said, leaning back in the chair and rubbing his tired eyes. "Absolutely no history of drug use, even before her death. Seems like the parents were right."

From his place buried under what seemed like miles of records of past arrests at the drug corner their victim was found, Scotty spoke up. "Girl wasn't ever arrested for trafficking either. Clean record."

Lilly sighed, the more they dug, the more they confirmed what the parents had maintained all along. Holly was a good girl who got caught up with a bad boy. It was always harder when their victim was completely innocent. No one deserved murder, but there were victims no one felt any sympathy with because they themselves had screwed up so bad that they'd signed their own death warrant. There had even been times where sympathy lay with the doer, but this was obviously not one of those cases.

"Got somethin'." Kat called from where she'd been seated in front of the computer for the last 4 hours. "One of our Wayne Simmses was booked on three possession and trafficking charges, once from that same corner."

"No way. Ain't got no Wayne Simms over here." Scotty said, clearly annoyed.

"Well check again, sleazy lookin' guy in a red baseball cap." Kat retorted. Inwardly, she fumed. There was no way Valens had gone through all those arrest records, not enough to definitively disprove her claim anyway. What the hell was wrong with him?

"You mean this guy?" Scotty held up a mug shot that matched Kat's description.

"That's right genius, how d'you miss that?" Kat said sarcastically.

"Hey, he didn't give the police a name and charges were never laid." Scotty claimed in his defense.

"Ain't that why you're a detective?" Kat shot back without missing a beat. When she and Scotty continued to stare at each other, the frustration of the past few days clearly getting to them, she looked toward Vera for arbitration.

Hoping to diffuse the situation, Vera stepped in. He was not used to being the one trying to calm tempers. In fact, he and Valens were the ones who butted heads the most often. Save for maybe him and Miller. "Time for No Drugs Today." He said, smiling widely. "Can't make Simms come to us, gotta go to his turf."

His statement was met by eager amusement from Scotty and Will, and confusion from the two women.

"No Drugs Today?" Lilly asked. "What are you talking about?"

Jeffries was the one to answer. "We camp out in front of a known drug dealing corner and wait for our person of interest to come to us. Usually they break in half a day, after we've turned away all their customers."

Understanding fully, Lilly thought of the day she and boss had driven by a drug corner, and laughed when they saw Vera, Jeffries, and Scotty, sitting on the corner, sipping lemon slushies despite the cold weather and trying to get their suspect to turn up. When they'd rolled down the window to talk to them, Scotty had jokingly informed them that he hoped Philly's finest weren't looking for a fix and Vera had complained about the lack of cherry slushies.

Kat snorted in derision, "Sounds stupid. Just waitin', aren't we supposed to chase after justice?"

Nick raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh you got no idea. Other than the damn cold weather and lack of marshmallows for s'mores, nothing gets a druggie faster."

"Fine. Let's go." Kat said, grabbing her coat. "You in Lil?"

"Definitely. I've been hunched up in this chair for the past two days." She also stood and reached for her jacket.

"But… " Vera stuttered, trying to figure out a way to say this in the most non-offensive, harmless way possible. Hopefully a way that wouldn't get his ass kicked. "No Drugs Today… is kinda a guy's thing." He said carefully.

Immediately, Kat leaned a hand on her hip while Lilly paused, halfway through putting on her scarf. Both women fixed with him a stare that would usually have made him back down, but there were marshmallows and male gossip at stake for God's sake. Frantically, Vera looked toward his male counterparts for some support.

Taking one look at the falling snow outside, Jeffries said. "Miller can take my place. It's gotta be below 0 out there today. Besides, boss has been bugging me to learn how to use that thing." He gestured toward Kat's computer.

"Dude" Scotty said. "You can't use the computer? That's like, rookie tech stuff."

"Scotty, when I first joined the force, everything was done by hand. Those fancy gadgets came by later," Jeffries replied wearily.

"World had to wait for the 70s for me," Scotty bragged. "I was practically born with a computer."

Suddenly an idea hit him. If Lilly, Miller, and Vera went on No Drugs Today, and Jeffries was busy catching up with the 21st century. That would give him the rest of the day off. Perfect to arrange a little surprise he'd been planning for Lilly since the first night they were together. Eagerly, he agreed. "Lil, why don't you go out on the street with Vera and Miller."

"Great." Lilly agreed, shooting Scotty a look of thanks. In all her years, she'd always been known as the one who dug through old cases or had a knack for getting confessions. Being out on the street, not just for an interview, provided a level of danger and action that she had to admit, she missed about her days on the line. Of course, there was no greater satisfaction than putting old cases to rest, but like any police officer, she missed being out there with the world.

Of course, Scotty felt that desire probably more than any of them. Lilly remembered from his first few days in cold cases, wondering when he'd be allowed to prove his worth and join the big boys in homicide. Lilly had been offended at first, but her new partner had settled nicely in with them, in time learning to love his job just as much as she did.

Usually though, Scotty relished the occasional chance to be out there, and was the first to volunteer for jobs like this. Perhaps him passing it up had to do with him freezing his nuts off last time, as Vera had gleefully reported. But Lilly refused to think that he was letting her go due to their recent – extra curricular – activities.

Looking up and pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Lilly was met by Vera's look of indignation and shock.

"What the hell, man?" He demanded of his two male colleagues. Staring back and forth, Vera wondered grimly how he got stuck between two of the most, prickly, women he knew. This was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

Lilly cursed as she hugged her coat more closely around herself and shivered in the cool November air. How had she let them confuse her into thinking No Drugs Today, was some sort of glamorous task? Here she was, standing out in the cold for more than three hours now, occasionally flashing her badge at a jonesing addict to let them know that they couldn't get a fix today, their suspect nowhere in sight. She sighed heavily and looked over at her arguing colleagues.

"Don't you learn this kinda stuff in boy scouts, or wilderness camp or somethin'?" Kat demanded of Vera. It had been three hours, three freaking hours and the idiot hadn't figured out how to start a fire in that rusty old garbage can yet.

"I was a hockey player." He informed her bitterly. "Valens was the boy scout. He usually takes care of this sort of thing." Kicking his bag of unopened marshmallows, that he'd saved and cherished just for an occasion like this, Vera tossed the matches at Kat. "Think you're so clever? You try. Bet you can't even light a match."

"I can birth babies, I'd like to see you try that. Now put your white ass to good use and make a fire before me and Lil freeze to death." She informed him icily. Kat then walked over to where Lilly was standing.

"Maybe he was right about this bein' a guy's thing." Kat complained, not that she'd ever admit to Vera that she was suffering out here. She'd been shot for God sakes, given birth to a child in the back seat of a taxi; she should be able to take a bit of cold.

Lilly unstuck her chattering teeth to respond. "I don't know, but I do know that I would kill for the largest Triple Americano I can find right now. You and, uh Vera, doin' okay over there?" She glanced over at her male colleague, a pile of used matches at his feet, cursing quietly under his breath.

"Well we would be if the fat ass could get the damn fire started." Kat replied. "I can't believe I agreed to this. You know, Valens and Jeffries probably knew about this. That's why they didn't want to come. When I get back to headquarters, hauling Wayne Simms with me of course, I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind and they will never…"

The rest of Kat's words were lost in a gust of wind that sent chills all the way down to Lilly's bones. She shrugged helplessly at what no doubt would have been a formidable threat. Looking behind her at the building that Wayne Simms undoubtedly dealt his drugs from, Lilly had half a thought of busting in there, No Drugs Today be damned and apprehend the suspect herself.

"I'm sure Scotty didn't mean to." She said quietly. With a start of surprise, Lilly realized that she'd inadvertently defended the man she was sleeping with. She glanced over a Kat, hoping her offhand comment could be brushed off as nothing more than partnerly loyalty or that she hadn't been heard at all.

"Since when is Valens the most trustable person ever?" She asked quizzically. "If anything it's Will that deserves the benefit of the doubt."

_Damn it._ She should have known, Kat never misses a damn thing.

Lilly racked her brains for an answer, "He's just… not the kind of man who would leave us out here in the cold on purpose."

"Then what kind of man is he?" Kat asked, raising her eyebrows at the squirming detective next to her.

"How am I supposed to know?" Lilly snapped. "Let's just… go help Vera with that fire before we catch hypothermia okay?" And with that she walked toward the safer, less perceptive male detective.

Kat stared after Lilly, suddenly alarmed at this dramatic change in character. _Since when has Rush thought so highly of Valens?_ She asked herself silently. And more importantly, why the hell was she dodging her questions and acting so oddly. Thinking back to this morning, Kat felt the puzzle pieces falling together. Valens' disheveled appearance, Rush's feigned nonchalance and defense of Scotty Valens. _Lil and Scotty? _

No way. Uh uh. No freaking way. _Cold must be gettin' to you._ Kat told herself, but she resigned to watch the two of them more closely from now on. Hunches like this of hers usually turned out to be dead on and she'd be damned if she let the story of the century escape her.

* * *

Scotty nervously approached Jeffries and his boss, wondering how best to ask for a few hours off amid the chaos of a new case and a new lead. But he really needed to. Lilly and him had been together almost every minute of the past few days, which was wonderful, but gave him absolutely no time to carry out his surprise. This kind of opportunity was rare, and Scotty was determined to seize it.

"Boss?" He asked quietly.

"What's on your mind Scotty?" Stillman could tell when one of his detectives was nervous, and most of the time it had to do with making a request they believed was exorbitant. He put down his pen and fixed Scotty with a kind look.

"I, need a few lost hours." He said, praying that Stillman wouldn't ask him why. He had a story about his sick mother requesting his help, but he preferred not to use it. "And I figured that as long as we got nothin' to do here, I could take them now and…"

"Scotty, you've got enough lost hours saved up to take off from now til the summer." Stillman informed him gently. In fact, it pleased him when his detectives recognized their own need for sleep and rest every now and then.

Scotty hastened to add, "I could come back when they bring in Simms, help with the interrogation?" But he crossed his fingers, hoping that boss wouldn't take him up on his offer. He needed to be home when Lilly got home for this to work.

"That's okay, me and Will can take care of the interview. I'll see you tomorrow morning, alright Scotty?"

"Sure thing boss" Scotty replied eagerly. Within seconds, Scotty was hopping into his own car and driving off toward the nearest department store.

* * *

"Vera. A wind like this, you're never gonna get that thing started." Lilly informed her annoyed colleague. "Might as well huddle up and save your body heat."

"Valens always manages it." He said simply. If Scotty freaking Valens could start a fire, then he surely could.

"Well then why don't you call him?" Kat suggested sarcastically as she approached the two of them. She acted as though the suspicious exchange between her and Lilly from a few minutes ago hadn't happened and Lilly smiled in relief. _Oh, it ain't over Rush. _She thought inwardly.

"Yeah" Lilly chimed. "Doesn't make you any less of a man." She said smiling, knowing now that there was no way Vera would ask anyone for help. She remembered once saying the exact same thing to Scotty, back when he was only her partner, which resulted in him making a point of not shivering in a cold warehouse.

Instead of the sarcastic comment Lilly expected though, Vera stared at the sidewalk across the street and said, "No need, we'll be out of here soon." He pointed at a tall burly figure currently making his way menacingly toward them.

"Oh thank god" Lilly groaned. _Finally._

"Hey! What the hell are you guys doing?" Their suspect yelled angrily.

"Lookin' for you." Kat replied. "Wayne Simms, you are under arrest, for the murder of Holly Wilder. You have the right to remain silent…" With a strength that neither Lilly or Nick knew Kat possessed, she hauled their struggling suspect, who was at least a foot taller, toward the car.

As Kat continued to rail off their suspect's rights, Vera turned to Lilly. "Told you this would work." He said gleefully. "You two should be thanking me for getting him."

"My hero." Lilly cooed sarcastically. And she would have said more if she wasn't so cold.

* * *

**As always, please take a second to leave a review, _constructive_ criticism is welcome and I love hearing from you guys. Also, anyone having any problems with the traffic graph thing to their stories?  
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	8. Just What I Needed

**Disclaimer: In my dreams, I would own them and make all the Cold Case, Scotty/Lilly shippers enjoy them. I do own a TV, which gives me access to them every day. **

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**Chapter 8: Just What I Needed**

Scotty pushed a squeaking shopping cart through their local Wal-Mart, at a complete loss for where to go. He was looking for curtains. The perfect color that would chase away the fear that consumed Lilly every time she stepped into the bedroom. With him by her side, that fear had been slightly reduced, but still… Scotty remembered that night he'd forced her to talk about it.

Lilly had yelled at him that she didn't sleep in her room alone anymore because her gray curtains reminded her of the walls in the interrogation room. She knew it was irrational, the color gray existed everywhere, but for some reason, she'd fixated on the curtains as the source of all fear. Scotty knew she was now comfortable participating in interviews in the same room she'd been shot, but there was just something about the curtains.

Scotty knew he couldn't fix all the pain and fear that comes from being shot, nor could he possibly fathom what it was like without being on the receiving end of a bullet himself. But he could fix this. He could surprise her by not feeling sorry for her, or judging her, but by simply making it better.

Smiling ruefully, Scotty realized that shopping was definitely not his forte. His apartment had been decorated by Elisa and furniture was something he had never had to buy. Scotty realized suddenly that he was wheeling his cart through the sports section, looking wistfully at a Sixers jersey, as though he didn't have three others at home. Mentally chastising himself and heading in the opposite direction, Scotty reminded himself that he was here for Lilly.

In a few minutes, Scotty was finally in the right department. He needed to find something special, something Lilly, and something that would clearly communicate how much he cared about her, when he wasn't sure how to say it aloud. Who knew there were so many different colors to choose from? How the hell was he supposed to find the right one?

And then his eyes settled on the perfect color. Somehow, among the kaleidoscope of colors and designs, he found the perfect one. Smiling at his genius, he called for help and handed an employee the dimensions to Lilly's windows that he'd gotten last night when she was sleeping.

All he could do now was hope that Wayne Simms hadn't shown up yet and Lilly wouldn't get home before he could finish this.

* * *

An hour later, Scotty was arriving at Lilly's front door. That was where he realized that there was a major flaw in his plan. He didn't have a key to her house, and short of breaking in had no way to get to her bedroom and replace the curtains. He considered picking the lock, but decided against it because it would just make Lilly feel unsafe in her house. If he could get in, anyone could and that was the opposite of what he was trying to achieve.

Scotty stepped back into her driveway and raked a hand through his hair. How had he not anticipated this problem? And more importantly what was he going to do now? Staring at the precious cargo in the back seat of his car, Scotty knew he was going to get in there, somehow, even if he had to climb up the roof and go in through the chimney like Santa Claus.

Suddenly, Scotty had an idea and walked next door to Lilly's neighbor's house, knocking loudly. A few seconds later, a young boy of about four years old answered the door, "Yeah?"

"Hey champ. Is your mom home?" Scotty asked in a friendly voice. Hoping that maybe Lilly had entrusted her key to her neighbor.

"Mommy! There's a guy at the door" He yelled into the house, then in a scurry of footsteps, he was gone. And in his place, a kindly, but tired looking woman took his place.

"Can I help you?" She asked, clearly confused.

"Hi. I'm detective Valens. Or Scotty and I – well." He wondered how best to explain the situation. "I was wondering if you had the key to the woman's house next door. I need to get in."

"You're a cop, can't you just kick the door down?" The woman asked with a smile on her face. "Or are you not here on police business?"

"I…" Scotty faltered, wondering if Lilly would mind if her neighbor knew the truth about them and decided that she would. "… kind of can't tell you." He said sheepishly.

The mysterious woman nodded, then stepped into her house and closed the door. Scotty wondered if she'd gone to call the police to warn them of a mysterious idiot trying to get into Lilly's house, but a few seconds later, she emerged, carrying a small silver key. Together they walked back to Lilly's front door and she let Scotty in the house.

"I'm Alexandra by the way, or Alex. Lilly left me her key to come feed her cats every once in a while. And she likes hanging out with my kids." She turned to leave, then said. "Hey Scotty?"

"Yeah?" Scotty looked back.

"Take good care of her, okay? That girl deserves to be happy, all she does for the world."

Scotty just nodded.

* * *

"Stupid Ed Martenson." Scotty muttered as he stood in Lilly's bedroom. He didn't know why, nor did he know how, but he had been staring at Lilly's curtains for over five minutes now, overcomes with anger and frustration. He wanted to yell and maybe hit something, to blame someone for everything that had happened to Lilly, but he knew there was no one here to blame, maybe no one anywhere to blame.

No one except him.

Scotty sat down on the edge of her bed, facing the window, and buried his head in his hands, the anger bleeding out and being quickly replaced by sadness. He was the one who hadn't understood her cryptic signal to shoot. He was the one who had shot a moment too late. He was the one who had let him shoot her.

Damn it. Lilly had needed him that night, more than ever before. She'd even called for his help. Called his cell phone, told him where she was, and said hey. She'd given him all the necessary tools for him to help her and he'd failed. That was the only time he could remember that she'd called for help.

And then there was after. Lilly had been struggling, he knew it from the first morning she came back to work and jumped when some idiot dropped an evidence box. He should've stepped in then, he should've cornered her and made her admit everything. He knew it was the only way to make it better. But he'd chickened out. He'd seen her untouchable attitude and immediately backed off, not even trying to help her. It wasn't until months later that he'd finally decided to man up and by that time he'd left Lilly to her demons for just that long.

What the hell is wrong with you? Scotty asked himself. How could he not answer her plea for help? Unspoken though it was. He spun around, his hands clenched in a fist, and leaned against the foot of the bed. His knuckles were pressing against the hard wood and he knew it would leave a bruise that he'd have to explain later. For now though, the sharp pain in his hands took away from the ache in his heart.

Standing up suddenly and looking at the drapes with distinct hatred, Scotty grasped the soft material in his hands. He was still shaking with anger. His knuckles protested with the movement, but he didn't care. In one fluid motion, he yanked as hard as he could, breaking the wooden bar the curtains were held up with and tearing them down. Reaching blindly for more fabric, he felt tears sting his eyes as he tore at the source of his and Lilly's pain again and again. And in a few minutes, he was surrounded by torn curtains, the sunshine hitting his face and making him close his eyes against the warmth. He was panting, still overcome with emotion, but he couldn't help but hope that maybe tearing down these curtains would be the first step to tearing down the pain that they both carried with them everyday.

* * *

It was about four o'clock in the afternoon when Lilly, Kat, and Nick had returned with their suspect. His breath stunk of alcohol, he was angry, aggressive, and everything he did screamed of abusive scumbag. When they got back to headquarters, the three of them had been in such an irritated mood, both from the cold and the company they'd spent the car ride with, that Will had shot Stillman a look. _Send them home. We got this._ Stillman had taken his advice and immediately told his three other detectives to pack up their things. Naturally they'd all wanted to stay, but acquiesced when they saw the determined looks on Will's and the boss's faces.

It was because of this that Lilly found herself unlocking the door to her house at the early hour of five in the evening. She honestly couldn't remember being home at such a normal hour for a long time now. Stepping in the door, Lilly was about to reach for her phone and call Scotty, who hadn't been at the precinct when she returned, but she smiled when she saw him – passed out on her couch.

She sat down at the head of the couch, running a hand through his dark hair and waiting for him to wake up. She gently kneaded his tense shoulders, trying to erase the small frown that adorned his handsome features. When his eyes snapped open, Lilly was surprised to find that they were not filled with happiness, but dark with grief and sadness. She frowned as he sat up and pulled her into so tight an embrace that she was unable to breathe.

"Oh Lil," He whispered into her hair. And his voice sounded hollow, lost. Lilly knew that this hug wasn't for her, and that he was trying to work something out in his head. She didn't say anything. She simply let him hug her to his chest.

"I'm here." She said. "Are you okay?"

She's here. Scotty told himself. You didn't screw up as badly as you thought. You couldn't have because the woman you think you failed is here, in your arms, alive and well, not pushing you away. His voice heavy with emotion, he replied, "yeah."

Then Scotty stood up and took her hand, "I got somethin' to show you," he said quietly. And together they made their way upstairs.

When Lilly stepped into her bedroom, her jaw nearly dropped to the floor and she was speechless. Scotty had... replaced her curtains. Letting go of his hands and walking as if in a trance up to the window, Lilly examined the product of Scotty's work in the last few hours.

"Scotty…" she breathed. "It's beautiful." And she wasn't lying. The curtains he picked out were dark blue, matching her sky blue walls perfectly. A criss crossed pattern of blue sequins, the exact same shade of her eyes, adorned the soft fabric. When she turned back around to face Scotty, there were tears in her eyes. "Thank you."

Scotty smiled sadly, "I figured it's the least I could do. Since, well, I'm the one who screwed up and started this whole mess."

Lilly knew the road he was going down. She'd been seeing it in his eyes for the past few months. It was a road of self hatred and incrimination that she'd also been a victim of more times that she could count. Lilly wished she'd had the guts to confront him about it before. But now she could do something for him, just like he'd done something for her. Stepping close in front of him and taking his face firmly between her hands, Lilly looked into his eyes.

"Listen to me Scotty." She spoke quietly but definitively. "What happened to me was not your fault and everything that happened because of it wasn't your fault either."

Damn it. She was good. He hadn't explicitly said anything, but she knew, knew without even asking about the dark place he'd gone. Unable to meet her eyes any longer, Scotty took her wrists and pulled his face out of her grasp.

"I could've saved you," he said brokenly, "but I didn't. You called for my help and I didn't…"

"You did save me." She replied quickly, "he would've killed me if it wasn't for you."

"I know, I know." He said. And he did know, logically, that Lilly had benefited from his presence that night. But that didn't take away from the guilt he was feeling, and he struggled to explain this to Lilly. "After, when you fell, I caught you, and you were just starin' at somethin' far away. You didn't hear me yellin' for the paramedics, but it was the longest minute of my life Lil. I was tryin' to stop the bleedin' and worryin' that I was hurtin' you all at the same time. And then in the hospital, I spent the night pacing in the hallways, covered in your blood…" He trailed off.

Suddenly, Lilly knew what he was saying, and why he'd grabbed her and hugged her so tightly the moment she walked in. Reaching for him again, Lilly kissed him fiercely. This kiss wasn't about love, it wasn't about desire, it was just to show him she was still here.

She broke their kiss only when the need for oxygen became overwhelming and looked back into his eyes. She frowned when she saw that his eyes were still dark with worry and kissed him again.

"What are you doing Lil?" He asked, confusion etched on the face that Lilly adored, the face that seemed to have grown years older in the past few months.

"I'm here." She said simply. "I didn't die, I didn't leave. I. Am. Here." She intoned. "Everything's alright now."

This time he was the one who leaned in to kiss her. "You are simply amazing Lil." She didn't blame him for what happened, and even though she was the one who got shot, here she was, comforting him. To Scotty's horror, for the second time that night, he felt tears fill his eyes. _You a woman all of a sudden? _He asked himself.

"I know." She said smugly, hoping that he had finally seen the light. "Who's fault was it that night?" She asked him.

"Not mine." He replied, "Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine…"

And neither of them knew if he was reassuring himself or her.

* * *

**Don't ask me why I chose Wal-Mart, I don't know if they sell curtains. I just wanted a store everyone was familiar with. As always if you're here, you've already read, so now review please :) **


	9. This Everyday Love

**Thanks for all your nice reviews :) Just in case anyone was wondering, every chapter I write goes with a song. Sometimes the song I choose is because I think the title fits, or the lyrics fit, or just the mood of the song in general. It's sort of the same thing that Grey's Anatomy does. Anyways, the artist of this chapter's song is the band Rascal Flatts. If anyone wants to know the artists of the other songs, PM me, they're all really great songs.**

**Disclaimer: If anyone offered them to me, it's not like I would say no. Oh, and CBS doesn't freaking deserve them!

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**Chapter 9: This Everyday Love**

Later, Scotty and Lilly lay in bed together, enveloped in each others arms. They'd eaten dinner in companionable silence, and exhausted with the emotion of the day, they'd decided to just lie in bed. The melancholy mood of the past few hours was not forgotten, but overcome. They'd both acknowledge each others worries and fears, and somehow they'd come through to the other side, clutching each other and panting, but whole.

"Tell me one thing?" Lilly requested quietly.

"Anything." He smiled. And he realized that at that moment, no matter what she asked, he would've gone to the end of the earth to give her it because like she said, she was here.

She glanced fondly at her new curtains, the blue sequins glittering just a bit in the moonlight peeking through a crack. "Did you do that, just because you felt guilty?"

Scotty considered her for a second. Guilt. That had definitely been a part of it. When she'd confessed to him one of her fears, he'd been both consumed with guilt and riddled with a desire to make it better. He'd adopted that super man routine, abandoned work, and gone to Wal-Mart. But was that it? Deep down Scotty knew it wasn't, because even if he hadn't believed the shooting was his fault, hearing Lilly's fears would still have made him want to fix them.

"Nah." He replied. "I figure that since you're my girl and all…"

"Your girl?" She repeated, eyebrows raised. Her face tinged with both amusement and a bit of nervousness. Was he implying, what she thought he was implying?

"Well, not _my_ girl. That's not what I meant." He hastened to explain, "I mean obviously, you're not _mine,_ mine. You're you, totally independent and…" Scotty stopped, suddenly aware of the deep hole he was digging himself into. He trailed off into silence, listening to the enchanting sound of her laughter. "Be my girlfriend Lilly?"

_Girlfriend?_ That single word carried more weight than anything they'd done so far. Girlfriend meant more than just sex, it meant a commitment, from both of them, and it meant a whole hell of a lot of things that Lilly didn't want to think about. It meant that if they broke up, there would be more pain and if they didn't it would be more wonderful. Lilly also knew that being with Scotty made her feel happier and more secure than she had in a long time. Being with him, lying in his arms at night, was something she wasn't willing to give up.

"Ok." She agreed.

"Ok?" He asked. "Just like that?" He'd expected her to put up a struggle. He'd expected the prospect of labeling what this had become to send her running for the hills. He'd even expected to have to plead his case, all to get her to admit what they'd become. But for her to give in without a fight? That was new. That meant she must be feeling this as much as he was.

"Yeah, Scotty. I mean, we haven't spent a night apart since last Saturday. Your clothes are all over my apartment, and mine all over yours. Tripod and Olivia like you, you changed my curtains, and you made me pizza." Joy flooded her heart as she realized that everything she was saying was true. Scotty had truly become in a presence in her life.

Smiling and pulling her closer, Scotty knew that in that moment he had everything he could want. Reassurance that he hadn't failed his girlfriend, and reassurance that said girlfriend, was willing to be his girlfriend.

Lilly had one more question. "Tell me something else?" She asked.

"Mhmm?" Scotty replied.

"How did you get into my house?" Lilly knew that she kept her doors and windows locked. It was a habit she picked up growing up on the dangerous streets of Kensington, where leaving your house penetrable was practically begging to be robbed.

Scotty was startled. In the emotion of that evening, he'd nearly forgotten the interesting exchange with Lilly's neighbor. "Alex let me in. The mom next door? Said she had your key to go over and check if your cats were fed every once in a while."

"My boyfriend and my neighbor bonding, I don't know how I feel about that." Lilly commented jokingly. Alex was one of her closest friends, well as close as friends could be when someone worked hours like hers.

"She has cute kids." Scotty said, just making light conversation now. "Says you like hangin' out with them." In the back of his mind, he saw Lilly with the adorable little boy barely as high as his knee that he'd met this afternoon. It was truly a beautiful site, and Scotty smiled once more as love flooded his heart.

"4 year old boy and 10 year old girl. Danny and Alice. They think my job is cool and they like playing with the cats." Lilly said, somewhat wistfully. The truth was, being with children at the end of the day took away some of the horrors her job presented her with sometimes. Sometimes being with the most innocent of people could help you convince yourself that all of humanity was like that.

"You ever think about havin' kids Lil?" Scotty asked casually. Then he mentally slapped himself. What was he thinking? Talking about kids with Lilly, who'd just reluctantly admitted to being his girlfriend. That was dangerous territory. Dangerous, cut and run, territory that he did not want to trek into, not tonight at least.

But to his surprise, Lilly simply replied honestly, "No."

Scotty's heart sank. He'd asked, but he hadn't wanted an answer like that. He'd wanted the common female answer, gushing and admitting to wanting a dozen. Scotty knew he shouldn't have expected a normal answer from Lilly Rush of all women, but he couldn't help but hope. Because he did want kids, he wanted a dozen, someday.

So lost was he in his maelstrom of thoughts, that he missed the continuation of Lilly's answer, "I've never thought about it."

Scotty sighed in relief. So there was hope that Lilly would want a normal life. Whether she'd ever want one with him? Well that remained to be seen, but Scotty was so over the moon at her agreeing to be his girlfriend, that he'd already subconsciously started picturing an entire life with her.

He turned around in bed in order to hold her closer to him, he wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted more than anything than to declare her the love of his life, but he knew that even if deep down she did feel like that, there was no way in hell her brain would know it yet. So instead said, "Me neither."

Scotty ran a hand through Lilly's cornsilk blond hair, splayed beautifully on the pillow. At that moment, his bruised knuckles chose to remind him of their mistreating this afternoon by throbbing painfully. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't help the grimace that crossed his face. He knew Lilly had noticed, she was a detective, one of the best, and she never missed a thing.

"What's wrong?" She asked, the concern evident in her voice.

"Nothin' Lil" Scotty reassured her, leaning in for a kiss. But Lilly would not be distracted. She removed his arms from around her neck. The blue and purple patches stood in stark contrast against his skin. Maybe not so much as it would have on her own pale skin, but Lilly could see them nonetheless.

"Scotty… Did you, beat someone up or something?" Lilly demanded. Her blue eyes pierced his, and he knew he had no choice but to tell her the truth. To what degree he told the truth though, that was certainly up to him.

"Yeah, somethin' like that." The look of concern on her face touched him deeply, but all the same he sought to reassure her. "Don't worry. You should see the other guy." A cocky grin painting his features.

"And who would that other guy be? My wall or my furniture?" She asked.

Damn it. There was no use trying to pull the wool over her eyes. "Your furniture." He admitted sheepishly. Thinking back, Scotty felt ashamed of his outburst of anger that afternoon, even if it was only at her curtains. It was illogical, and incredibly stupid.

In an instant, Lilly knew what had happened that afternoon. She, Vera, and Kat had left before lunch to stake out that drug corner and she hadn't returned until late afternoon. That left over 6 hours for Scotty to simply stand in her house, and stew in his thoughts. Lilly knew firsthand the kind of panic that a simple fear could cause when you're all alone, in a quiet place, without anything to distract you from it. More than once, during the dark months after her shooting, Lilly had wondered if she was going crazy. It was Scotty who had saved her from the abyss. He was the one who burst into her life, whether she wanted it or not, held her to him whether she struggled or not, and hadn't taken no for an answer.

Wishing that she could have been there this afternoon to stop him from hurting himself, Lilly wondered how she could help at this point. Another look in his eyes told her there was no need. They'd already dealt with his problems. When Lilly had enveloped him in a fierce hug of her own, she'd accidentally solved the problem that wasn't even completely tangible. Still though, she wanted to make his hand feel better and she knew exactly how.

Lilly have him a very suggestive look, then slowly, tantalizingly kissed his knuckles, suckling on the tender flesh. If it was hurting him, he wasn't letting on because all of a sudden he his eyes had darkened with want and he was flipping them both around. _Mission accomplished._ Lilly thought smugly.

* * *

The next morning, Scotty woke up long before Lilly. He quickly realized that this gave him the advantage of being able to just watch her, and admire her beauty. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve a second chance at loving someone this much, but he silently thanked the universe for giving it to him.

When Lilly awoke, Scotty was caught between wanting to watch the peaceful look on her face as she slept and wanting to see her smile. As if she could sense his gaze, Lilly's lips turned up in the corners and Scotty realized that the latter was decidedly better. They weren't hurried this morning, in fact they had time to spare. Maybe even time for a shower… together of course.

In a few minutes, Scotty decided that he'd surprise her with some coffee, which he knew always made him happy – when it was made right – and shuffled into her kitchen. Lilly had a plethora of instant brew coffees, Scotty noted, and ironically realized that they probably tasted a hell of a lot better than the sludge they passed off as coffee in the office. So intent was he in picking out a brand of coffee, that Scotty didn't notice Lilly follow him into the kitchen.

She threw his arms around his neck, mumbling about which one to make, obviously still half asleep, but wanting to be near him anyways. Once again Scotty's heart filled with love for the woman clinging onto his neck and he longed to tell her about the depths of his feelings, but once again he held back.

The rest of the morning was something out a fairy tale for both of them. Scotty and Lilly took that shower he wanted, fed her cats, even made toast and eggs together for breakfast, which they found they both had a craving for. As they stepped out into the driveway, Scotty got into his car, and naturally – instinctively in fact – Lilly took her place in the passenger seat. It wasn't until they were halfway to the precinct that Lilly realized the flaw in this plan.

"Crap." She exclaimed suddenly, causing Scotty to jump in his seat, lose his grip on the steering wheel, and nearly cause a ten car pile up in the early morning rush hour. "We're gonna show up together."

It took Scotty a minute to realize what she was afraid of. "Oh Lil, it's okay. I'll just say my car broke down, or your car broke down, or somethin'. I mean we're partners."

Lilly was chewing on her bottom lip, clearly still unconvinced, and Scotty offered another alternative, "Or you could drive, and I could walk the rest of the way."

Taking one look at the falling snow, Lilly knew that she wouldn't force him to walk the ten blocks to headquarters, and that that would probably arouse even more suspicion than them arriving together. "It's okay. I have a better idea." She pointed toward one of their favorite coffee joints, "stop there." She instructed

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Scotty and Lilly were walking together into the precinct, arms laden with things to distract their colleagues with. Lilly hoped it would be enough to take the heat off of them for the time being, providing that Scotty didn't…

"Morning everyone!" Scotty yelled exuberantly as he walked into the bullpen. His voice was filled with happiness, and the expression on his face screamed of 'I got laid'

… do exactly that. Lilly cringed. She knew he was trying, trying his damned hardest, to keep this out of the office grapevine, but she also knew that secretive wasn't Scotty's MO, and that that was a risk they had to take. Smiling shakily as Will and Kat looked up from their desks, she suddenly wished they'd brought more than food and coffee.

"We have breakfast." Lilly announced. "Will, your mocha latte."

"Pay you back." He immediately responded, taking the beverage from Lilly gratefully.

"Yeah as if," Scotty said sarcastically, "It's okay, it's on me this mornin'. Your cappuccino with extra whipped cream and cinnamon." He offered to Kat.

"What no spoon?" She complained, but then as Scotty dug around in his paper bag and found one, she had nothing else to say.

"What, no 'thank you Scotty'?" He shot back teasingly, knowing that one upping Kat Miller came very rarely. When she didn't respond, Scotty took her silence as the thing as close to a thank you as possible.

Lilly shook her head and silently handed their boss the black coffee she knew from her days on the line that he enjoyed. In fact, she remembered one occasion especially, where she'd come back from the scene of her triple, grabbed his coffee out of his hand, taken a sip and was startled by its bitterness. But back then Lilly had been too tired and too busy complaining about Vera pawning off his dog calls to her to care.

Just then Vera emerged from the kitchen, clutching his own mug of coffee, undoubtedly from the God awful coffee the department offered. He sputtered in indignation, "Where's mine? You guys are all gettin' coffee on a silver platter from Rush and Valens and I'm stuck drinking this shit?"

"One cup of plain old boring ass coffee for you," Scotty said dryly, clearly indicating his disapproval at Vera's uninteresting coffee preference.

"Thanks man." He said, immediately putting down the other coffee. Then he saw the box of doughnuts they'd brought with them and a wide grin filled his face. "Oh, you guys are awesome." He eagerly enthused.

But upon reaching the doughnut box, he found his path blocked by none other than Kat Miller. The woman might be small, but she was scary, and the look he fixated him with gave him shivers. "What?" He asked.

"Oh, I know you're not thinkin' of takin' one of those beauties before I do." She said. Then without another word, reached into the box and extracted her favorite, chocolate glazed doughnut with plenty of sprinkles, and walked away happily.

Vera looked after her incredulous, "There are a dozen doughnuts, what's it matter who goes first?" He asked, but then as he looked into the box, he realized that damn it, it did indeed matter. Kat had taken his favorite one, not that he wouldn't settle for another, but there was nothing like chocolate infused into dough, fried to perfection, then covered with colorful sprinkles.

The rest of the team rolled their eyes. The fight over the perfect doughnut was a long standing one between Vera and Miller. Jeffries wondered idly why someone didn't just buy a whole damn box of the same one already, it would make things easier, though much less amusing to watch.

The jovial mood in the office lasted for the better part of the next hour. With everyone eating doughnuts, drinking good coffee, and teasing each other good-naturedly, Lilly and Scotty practically forgot their mission had been to take the heat off of them and their hidden relationship. Smiling to herself, Lilly looked over at her boyfriend, who was playfully socking Vera on the shoulder, undoubtedly because of some trivial sports disagreement.

Kat sidled up to Lilly, "So you and Valens came in together, huh?"

Lilly immediately began to defend herself, "My car broke down."

"Right…" Kat said sarcastically, and at that point Lilly knew Kat was suspicious, that for some reason, even though it'd been less than a week, that week had had an effect on how both she and Scotty were acting.

So absorbed was she in her own thoughts that Lilly didn't notice Kat was still talking, "So if I drive over to your house, I won't find your car in the driveway, perfectly okay?"

Crap. "No, it's at the shop," Lilly lied, but apparently she wasn't that good a liar because Kat's next words made her blood run cold.

"You know Lil, your house is only like 10 minutes away, and those doughnuts you bought, that's like at least another half hour of eating." Her devilish smile told Lilly the game was up, Kat was calling her bluff.

Recognizing it was time for damage control, Lilly said, "Not now, Kat. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Seeing the desperation on Lilly's eyes, Kat agreed, "You know it, Rush."

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**So this was a pretty cheerful chapter, but unfortunately I have quite a bit of angst planned for this story, starting in the next chapter. I swear I didn't plan it that way, it just, sort of ended up that way. LOL oh well. **


	10. Even Angels Fall

**And so the angst begins. Or continues. Well, new angst is beginning. This is a short chapter, but I think there's enough to chew on for a couple of days (:This chapter starts right where the last one left off. Kudos to anyone who can recognize an L&O:SVU scene.  
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**Oh also, I wanted to be clear. The using songs for chapter titles thing, totally not my idea. I've seen lots of other writers do it, but I think it's great! This song is by Jessica Riddle. **

**Disclaimer: Several letters, angry and slightly depressed, have been written to CBS, Meredith Steihm, Jerry Bruckheimer, but nothing. Well, in my mind they have anyway. :)

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**Chapter 10: Even Angels Fall**

Lieutenant Stillman looked around the room at his group of detectives. Lilly and Kat were having a conversation, and the three others were also making amicable chatter. He so rarely saw them all this happy and relaxed that he almost didn't want to make them revisit the case they'd been working, but as Wayne Simms was brought up from lockup, he knew it was time to get back to work.

"Let me go in there, boss," Lilly asked as she observed Wayne Simms, head down on the table in the interrogation room.

"Lil… that ain't a good idea." Scotty said, the concern woven into his voice. Even back when Lilly was only his partner, he wouldn't have felt comfortable letting her go in there with someone so aggressive, but before he had no reason and no way to stop her.

"I can take care of myself, Scotty," Lilly replied predictably. The hard glare she sent Scotty spoke of pure annoyance. She could take care of herself, damn it, like she'd been doing all her life. She looked toward her boss to override Scotty's complaints.

"He has a history of violence towards women," Stillman reasoned. Just like always, he was protective over Lilly, more so than the others. She knew it, everyone knew it. She resented it, sometimes Stillman thought the others resented it too, but damn it there was nothing he could do about it.

"All the more reason to send me in there, it'll throw him off." When the rest of her team continued to look worried, Lilly said. "Come on, I can do this."

"I dunno Rush, you're pretty tiny," Vera said, clearly amused.

As a response, Lilly crossed the room in a step and stopped right in front of her colleague. In a deathly whisper, she said, "You wanna say that again, Vera?"

Crap. He didn't, not when she was looking at him like she was about to hit him. Having never been on the receiving end of Lilly's punches, but a frequent recipient of Kat's, Vera knew that was something he'd rather not experience, "No." He replied honestly.

"Didn't think so," Lilly replied smugly.

In order to stop the arguing, Stillman stepped in, "Fine, but you hear us knock on the window, you get yourself out of there. I don't care if he's about to confess. If any of us think you're in danger, we're pulling you out."

"Yeah, yeah…" Lilly said absentmindedly, taking no notice of her bosses words after he'd allowed her to go in there.

"Rush." Her boss's voice was stern, quiet, worried. "I'm not kiddin' here. Being careful is not an option."

"I hear you boss." Lilly acquiesced, then without another word, she left the observation room. Scotty followed her immediately, while the rest of their colleagues stayed behind.

"Lil." He caught her arm before she could confront their suspect.

"What Scotty?" She snapped, but when Lilly turned around, the look in his eyes took her breath away. He wasn't thinking that she wasn't capable, he was just worried, like any boyfriend would be. Her voice softening she said, "I'll be okay. You know, believe it or not I have done this before."

"I know…" Scotty said.

"So what's the problem?" Lilly asked gently.

Lilly let Scotty draw her close to him, the most intimate they'd been at work since that fateful day less than a week ago, "Just be safe." He whispered in her ear.

"Always am." She replied.

* * *

Lilly walked into the interrogation room, feeling the eager butterflies in her stomach that always came from working solo. She knew her entire team was behind that glass watching her. Lilly approached the table where their suspect was sleeping and dropped a stack of folders in front of his face. The loud slapping noise woke him up just as Lilly locked the door with an ominous sounding click.

When Lilly locked the door, Scotty felt a moment of panic, knowing she wouldn't be able to get out as fast if need be, but he pushed his panic aside knowing it was just a scare tactic. _She can do this, Valens._ He reminded himself again. _And you're right out here. That glass can't be too thick, you can probably break it if necessary._ When Lilly began her interview, Scotty directed his attention back to the matter at hand.

"Wake up." Lilly said harshly.

Wayne Simms rubbed his eyes, raising his head and looking Lilly up and down. "Hey there, sweet thing." He slurred. From across the glass, Scotty clenched his fists.

"Holly Wilder, December 2002. Start talking." Lilly demanded, in her best interrogation voice that made most doers fold.

"I got a better idea, baby. Why don't me and you high tail it outta here and get a room?" He licked his lips, continuing to survey her eagerly. The way he was looking at her was sinister, almost dehumanizing, but Lilly was used to it. As a female homicide cop, Lilly had experienced more than her fair share of rude, disrespectful, and often offensive comments.

Lilly ignored him, placing a photo of Holly that they'd gotten from the hospital in front of him, "You give her those bruises?"

"Hey, watch what you're implying detective. I loved her."

Lilly rolled her eyes, "Always the guys who love too hard, that end up smacking their girls around." She leaned forward, "What's the matter, not tough enough to take on someone your own size?"

Wayne slammed a hand on the table and stood up, making Lilly crane her neck upward, "You shut up!" He yelled.

From the other side of the glass, Scotty banged, indicating Lilly should get out. Stillman quieted him with a look that clearly said he thought Lilly had this, as she continued, "See that ain't gonna work on me, Wayne. I'm not Holly or any other girls you dated. You can't try and charm me and when that doesn't work talk down to me, and when that doesn't work get aggressive. Now take a seat. "

His eyes shot daggers at her, but Lilly held her ground, not flinching. "She say something she shouldn't have? Get you angry? Tell me. When was the first time you laid a hand on her?" Lilly put a hand on his shoulder as she spoke, pushing him back down into the uncomfortable chair.

"Bitch deserved it," he spat, "but I didn't kill her."

"Not what I asked," Lilly retorted.

Wayne sighed in defeat and began to answer her question "The first time was… once after we made love, she…" He trailed off, embarrassment tainting his voice for the first time.

Lilly laughed. A laugh that she often used in the interrogation room, but was so unlike her usual enchanting laugh , a cruel, meaningless laugh that could make doers' blood boil. And that's exactly what it did. "What?" Their suspect asked angrily.

"Oh Wayne," she said. "One of these days, you'll learn a woman can say anything she wants about your performance in the bedroom, and you aren't actually allowed to kill her."

Wayne stood, and Lilly knew that the disrespectful flirting of a few minutes ago was gone. His body was tense and shaking with anger. What he did next took her by such surprise that she had no time to put up a defense.

He grabbed her by the shoulders, his grip vice like, and Lilly reached for her gun before realizing that she'd had to leave it in her locker when she came in this morning. His fist collided with her jaw and Lilly fell back against the table, blinking away the stars in front of her face, and gasping with both pain and shock.

Detective instinct finally kicked in and as Simms approached her again, Lilly balled her hand into a fist and landed a solid punch on his eye. He howled with pain and Lilly saw her opportunity to get out the door, she could hear her colleagues pounding on both the door and the window, if she could only unlock it…

Recovering from her punch, Simms grabbed her by the wrist and twisted it behind her, hard enough to elicit a cry of pain. He threw her to the ground and Lilly felt the edge of her vision starting to blur out. Desperately, she threw her hands in front of her face to block her attacker's blows.

Lilly could hear her team trying to get in, and wondered why they handed gotten in yet. Then she remembered again that she'd locked the door. Lilly could hear someone yelling for a key, another person running repeatedly into the door, but when Wayne delivered a swift kick to her head, the world turned black. "Help me…"

* * *

Scotty slammed his shoulder into the door one more time. They were too slow, Jeffries had gone off to find a key, and Miller was talking, trying to calm their suspect over the loudspeaker. None of them were doing a damn bit of good and Scotty did the only thing he could think of. He felt the door starting to splinter just as he heard another cry of pain from the other side. Swearing mightily, barely seeing straight, and frantic with anger, Scotty redoubled his efforts.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but was probably less than 10 seconds, the door burst open and Scotty grabbed the man. "You son of a bitch," he roared. Soon, Scotty had their suspect pinned to the wall, his grip on his collar choking him. "I'm gonna fucking kill you."

He punched him, bloodying Wayne nose and feeling his own injured knuckles protest. He didn't care. It didn't matter in the least if he broke his hand. All that mattered was pummeling every inch of the idiot who'd hurt Lilly that he could reach. Hitting him again, Scotty knew Wayne was starting to lose consciousness, but he didn't stop.

"Valens." Scotty heard Stillman call. "Scotty. Come on now." Putting aside the fact that he wanted to be in Scotty's place, and feel like he was doing something useful, the lieutenant continued to try and diffuse the situation. But it was damn hard, when he completely condoned what Scotty was doing.

Before Scotty felt satisfied with the amount he'd hit the other man, he felt strong hands pulling him off of him. It was Jeffries, back too late with a key. If Scotty's hand wasn't in so much pain, and if he wasn't already winded from his recent efforts, he would've done all he could fight off the larger detective. But his hand was hurting, and he was panting, and he silently cursed the untimely onset of these feelings.

Wayne rubbed the blood off his face, "I hope your little whore of a girlfriend is dead." He spat angrily.

The anger once again reaching a boiling point, Scotty lunged at their suspect and it took the combined efforts of Vera and Jeffries to hold him back. As they restrained Scotty from killing the bleeding man in front of them, Stillman instructed Kat to call an ambulance, handcuffed Wayne Simms, and handed him off to a uniformed officer, "Throw him in the tombs."

With Simms out of the room, Scotty slumped, the fight dying out of him. He looked at Lilly, who lay on the floor, barely stirring and he suddenly wanted to beat himself up for not paying attention to her first. Just like the last time. "Let me go to Lil." He said to his colleagues. "I won't do anything stupid."

Stillman nodded and the moment they let go, Scotty was on his knees by Lilly's side. "Lilly?" He brushed her hair out of her face, gasping when he saw the cut on her face.

Lilly attempted to sit up, then gave up with a small whimper of pain. "Scotty…" She breathed, her eyes still closed and her skin a pale, ghostly white in stark contrast with the blood starting to trickle down her cheek. She knew instinctively that it was Scotty who was next to her, and she felt an odd sense of relief.

"Shh. Don't try and stand up, it's okay. I'm right here." He whispered. Lilly closed her eyes, and Scotty repressed the urge to shake her, knowing he would probably do more damage than good. "I'm here." He settled with saying. "Stay with me."

* * *

**Okay, I promise, this was not random. It wasn't just there to torture our favorite characters a little. I'm going somewhere, there's a point. Seriously. This chapter was as uncomfortable to write as it probably was to read, but please leave me a review anyway.  
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	11. You Make It Real

**Disclaimer: I had a lot of free time, and a lack of inspiration, so for some reason this came out. I don't have Scotty or Lilly or anything else Cold Case related that would make me deliriously happy. **

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**Chapter 11: You Make It Real **

They waited for the paramedics in silence. It wasn't a comfortable, amicable silence like it had been this morning. It was a shocked, horribly heavy silence that comes from realizing how quickly situations can turn on a dime. Stillman paced around the bullpen, talking on the phone, supposedly to whatever higher authority he had to report this incident to. Jeffries had gone down to meet the paramedics, brought them back upstairs, and disappeared to get everyone some coffee, while Vera and Kat hovered right outside the interrogation room, at a loss for what to do.

When Scotty had gotten tired of seeing Lilly on the floor, he'd tried to help her get up. They'd only gotten as far as a sitting position when Scotty had given up, too scared by the pale look on her face to touch her any more.

"I don't need to go to the hospital," Lilly said softly, but defiantly, as she swatted away a paramedic's attempt to dab at the cut on her face. She was sitting against the wall of the interrogation room and hugging her knees to her chest, and she hadn't moved for the past 20 minutes. She was frozen. Even if she tried to get up, to move her aching body and ignore the obvious injuries, she just couldn't.

The paramedic stood up with defeat, gesturing helplessly toward the other detectives. Stillman nodded imperceptibly, _we've got it._ His gaze seemed to say.

"Lil, come here…" Scotty said, reaching down to take her hand. When Lilly wouldn't budge, he reached down to slip one arm under her knees and the other behind her back. She was light and she fit perfectly into his arms. He lifted her up and Lilly immediately put her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against his chest. Lilly sighed softly and wondered how she'd gotten to this point.

Scotty walked over to the other detectives with Lilly in his arms, without a thought of how it would look to them, and the secret he still had to keep. If Lilly didn't want to go to the hospital, than she didn't have to, he decided. "I'm takin' her home," he announced.

Immediately Kat blocked his way to the door defiantly, "No." She said with finality. Incredibly frustrated, Scotty attempted to give a lethal glare and make her move aside, but the small woman wasn't moving, and Scotty knew it. Time to try a different tactic.

"No?" Scotty stared incredulously. "You want her to keep workin' or something?"

"No, you idiot, she needs to go to the hospital." Kat looked at Scotty and Lilly and her suspicions of the past few days were confirmed. They were involved, way more seriously that she first suspected. She thought it was just sex, but this was more… at least on Valens' side.

Scotty looked down at the woman in his arm, "She doesn't want to," he said softly. He knew he sounded like a child, that if he stopped and thought logically for a few minutes, he'd realize that it wasn't up to her, but in the aftermath of what had happened, his brain – or rather, his heart – was telling him firmly, what Lilly wants, Lily gets.

"Look Valens, I don't care how much you care about her, or what you guys got goin' on…" Kat wanted to let them go home, let them comfort each other and pretend that's all they needed, but Lilly needed stitches, and if Valens was too stupid to realize that she'd have to show him.

"There ain't anythin' going on, Miller, so mind your own business." Scotty yelled back. He spun around wildly, frustrated with the way the conversation was going and looking for another exit. When he heard Lilly's sharp intake of breath, at what could only be pain, he stopped and stood rooted to the spot, determined not to move again if he didn't have to. "Sorry." He whispered to her.

Kat lowered her voice and spoke quietly, "You don't be more careful, you're gonna drop her. Listen, I've got a kid, and when she fell off the jungle gym I took her to the hospital even though she said she didn't need it." Give a little to get a little, Kat thought. Sharing a terrifying experience involving Veronica, the daughter she loved, would surely make Scotty see the light. And as always, Kat's tactic was dead on.

Scotty's face softened in defeat and Kat said, "I'll drive."

When Scotty looked back at his other colleagues, observing this exchange with both worry and curiosity, Stillman, Vera, and Jeffries, silently conveyed that they'd meet them at the hospital. Nodding, he followed Miller into the parking lot.

* * *

"Is she asleep?" Kat indicated Lilly, who was still lying in Scotty's arms, the seat belt buckled around both of them.

"Hope so," he replied, planting a gentle kiss on her hair. Then he looked up at Kat, wondering if she saw and illogically hoping she did, even though if Lilly been awake, she would've kicked his ass. Despite his assurances to her that they could keep this a secret, that it was alright with him, Lilly had been right all along. Scotty wasn't a secretive person, he needed others to know how happy she made him, how much it was hurting him to see her like this, and how far this thing had gone. He needed to tell someone, damn it.

Raising her eyebrows, Kat said, "So nothing's goin' on huh?" She knew there was no need to pry any further. Valens looked like he was 10 seconds from telling her himself, like a doer after maintaining their silence for decades. All he needed was a gentle nudge from her.

If the situation wasn't so dire, if Lilly wasn't hurt, and they weren't on their way to the hospital, Scotty would have laughed out loud. So much for keeping all of this a secret. "Lil… doesn't want anyone to know," he admitted.

"I ain't tellin' anyone," Kat said, "Lil was about to let me in on the secret anyway." She didn't need to ask what the secret was. She'd seen the way Lilly clung to Scotty in the few moments when consciousness and weakness overlapped, and she'd seen the pure venom with which Scotty had accosted Simms, that far exceeded anything she'd seen from him before.

"What?" Scotty glanced down at Lilly, "she was about to tell you?"

"I got my ways Valens," Kat replied smoothly, "even Lil don't stand a chance." When Scotty remained silent, Kat continued, "I won't tell anyone, but you guys are gonna have to come clean sooner or later. There are rules, but as long as you're honest…" She trailed off.

"Thanks, Miller." Scotty smiled weakly at her, "Why are you doing this anyways?" He had to admit he was confused, that Kat Miller was helping him out, when usually she took every opportunity to screw with him.

"Doin' what?" She replied.

"You know, helpin' us out, not tellin' anyone…"

Kat shrugged helplessly. Underneath the tough, detective exterior, she was a romantic after all, not that she would ever tell Valens. "I could change my mind and spill the beans you know…" When Scotty blanched, Miller chuckled and said softly, "but I won't, 'cause you guys make each other happy, in a disgustingly sweet kinda way."

Soon Kat fell silent, leaving the rest of the car ride for Scotty to ponder and occasionally press a kiss to Lilly's forehead, free for the first time to show someone else how much he loved her.

* * *

As soon as they got to the hospital, Scotty was lost in an array of doctors, nurses, and orderlies bustling about and not telling him anything. Someone had taken Lilly from his arms and disappeared with her. If he wasn't so worried he'd get in the way, he'd have put up more of a fight, but here he was now, sitting in an uncomfortable hospital chair with the rest of the team, instead of being with Lilly.

Scotty cursed quietly and pulled himself out of the chair. He wondered idly why he'd let those doctors confuse him with medical talk about what injuries Lilly might have and what tests they were going to run. Without anything else to do but worry, Scotty began pacing the hallways of the hospital. He knew she was going to be okay. It wasn't like last time, when he had her life to be worried about. All he had to worry about was… what? Scotty wasn't completely sure, nor did he want to contemplate this in front of his colleagues, who were all beginning to look at him with concern, so he decided that he best get out of here. Find somewhere quiet to sit – or pace – until an anonymous someone, who'd mean nothing more to him than another person in a sea of thousands, brought Lilly back.

The chapel. Hospitals had those kinds of things right? Deciding that it would be perfect for his current mood of worry and confusion, Scotty set off in search of the only peaceful place – or what people here would consider peaceful – in the antiseptic smelling, shiny white hospital.

He never found the chapel.

Instead, he found himself sitting on the floor somewhere. Where? He wasn't sure, just like he wasn't sure of why he was feeling so horrible, when Lilly was sure to be fine. If he wasn't worried about her life, than what the hell was he worried about? _She's fine._ Scotty reassured himself. Bumps, bruises, maybe a few cuts, which albeit was way worse than what should've been just an interrogation, but she was fine all the same.

_It could've been worse. He could've had a weapon; you could've gotten there a few seconds later._ Scotty felt fear run up his spine. It could've certainly been worse. If the situation had been tweaked in any way, Lilly could be way worse off. And him… well he could be drinking himself into oblivion. It had been close. Damn it, it had been way too close. And that, Scotty realized, is what had been eating at him.

He hated that once again the woman he loved was put in a position of danger. Hated that, even though he knew they'd gotten lucky again, there was even a possibility it could've been worse. Because it scared him damn it, scared him so bad that it paralyzed him. He had been harboring these ill advised feelings toward Lilly for years now. Feelings that, frankly he was barely aware until the influence of an angry shooter and a night at the bar. They'd fought through most of that night, and fallen into each other's arms for the rest of it. And somehow, she became his, and he became hers.

Scotty wished silently that he could go back in time and go into the interrogation room with her. He wished that he could've protected her, but he knew logically that there was no protecting her from this job. Every time they went out for an interview and every time they blindly reached for their service weapon, they were taking a huge risk.

Pain. Fear. Grief. Injury. Death. Prospects and possibilities that cops learned to push out of their minds, lest it make them too scared to move, too scared to breathe. But once in a while, one of these feelings would rear its ugly head and makes itself known. When they were sitting in the hospital, observing at a funeral, or toasting one of the pictures on the wall of the bar, each of them was acutely aware of how big these possibilities really were.

"Excuse me? Are you with Detective Rush?" There was a nurse. She was smiling down at him, obviously completely oblivious to his inner musings.

"Yeah," Scotty replied, looking up at the nurse from his position on the ground. "She's my partner, or – my girlfriend – actually she's both, but…" Scotty trailed off.

"Well, in case you want to go see her…" The nurse crouched down beside Scotty, reached for his hand and wrote a four digit room number in his palm, "…she's in there."

Scotty just nodded, and the nurse continued, "If you decided you don't want to go see her, you can call me." She smiled in a suggestive, flirty way and jotted down her phone number on his other palm. When Scotty again barely acknowledged her presence, she stood up with a sigh and walked down the hall.

Scotty looked at the phone number in his hand and chuckled ruefully. There was a time, a couple of years ago where he wouldn't have hesitated to call up that mystery nurse. But now… now there was that number on his other hand, and that was the only one he could see.

He knew where Lilly was now, and his old self would also be bounding down the hallway, pushing aside people and distractions to get to her as soon as he could. But he didn't move. He couldn't go to her, not like this. Not if seeing her, bruised and broken, would illicit the kind of anger he felt before. She needed gentle, loving, caring Scotty, not bull in a china shop Scotty that often made his presence known.

_What's the matter with you, Valens?_ Scotty asked himself. Lilly could be awake. She could be awake and scared and needing him, but somehow he was too chickenshit to go find her. Standing up so fast that the blood rushing out of his head made him slightly dazed, Scotty looked around frantically for directions to Lilly's rooms. He cornered an orderly.

"Hey, hey. Can you tell me where I can find this?" He held up his palm.

The orderly looked confused for a second, "Um. There's a phone over there." He pointed at the payphone right outside the hospital.

"What? No, I mean…" Scotty held up his other palm, too rushed to explain the confusion, too eager to get to Lilly, bull in a china shop be damned. Once he got his directions, Scotty turned the other way and ran down the hall.

Catching the door just as the elevator was closing, Scotty joined a mismatched gaggle of people. Some doctors, some patients, some nurses, some frantic, grieving, happy… He jabbed the elevator button, willing the whirring to go faster, and wishing fervently that he'd taken the stairs. Standing idly, it just wasn't his thing.

Finally. Finally he was there, in front of her room. From the hallway, he could see the rest of the team gathered in there. They were all smiling, chatting happily, and Lilly was sitting up in bed. The moment Scotty got in the room, eyes blazing, all conversation stopped.

Kat spoke up first, "Will, why don't you and Boss see about gettin' that doctor in here?" She gave Will a pointed look, _get Boss out of here._

As soon as they were out the door Kat turned to Vera, "Nick, could you go to the cafeteria and get us some food?"

"I ain't hungry." Vera protested.

Kat shot him a look, "Well that's new, but I am, so … cafeteria."

"Yes ma'am," Vera grumbled as he walked out the door.

"I'll watch the door for you guys, but no funny business." Kat warned on her way out. "Remember, this is a damn hospital."

When Kat finally left, Scotty walked up to Lilly's bed. The cut on her face was stitched up. There was a darkening bruise along her jaw line and a bandage of sorts wrapped around her right wrist. "Hey." He said.

Lilly smiled wearily at him, "Hey."

Scotty continued to look at her. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed some hair behind her ear. "Hey," he repeated.

Lilly giggled slightly at the expression on his face, "How is it that I have a bunch of stitches and what I think is a sprained wrist, but you look worse than me?" she asked.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lil. You look beautiful." He shifted himself so that his legs were on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

He wondered if he was hurting her somehow, "Are you okay?" He asked.

Lilly snuggled deeply into his arms, "I think Kat knows." She commented. Lilly looked up at Scotty and was surprised to see his guilty face.

"Yeah, about that Lil. She kinda got it outta me." Scotty expected her to be mad, especially since she'd stressed so much how important it would be to keep this a secret. But instead, a faint grin crossed her face and she just sighed. "What?" Scotty asked.

"She kinda got it out of me too." Lilly couldn't help but be surprised, even in her current state. She'd definitely underestimated their colleagues, or overestimated their ability to hide things. But she decided that at the moment it didn't matter. Here she was, lying in a hospital bed because she, as a cop, was unable to defend herself. The walls were down, completely shot to pieces, and Lilly wasn't sure how to build them back up, not with Scotty holding her like that, talking to her like that.

Kat knew. Kat Miller knew that she and Scotty were in a relationship. And for some reason, instead of ratting them out to Boss and to the rest of Homicide along with IAB, she was standing guard outside Lilly's hospital room, giving them a few minutes of peace and love. For that, Lilly would be forever grateful. Sighing sadly, Lilly trailed her uninjured hand down Scotty chest. He caught her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed her fingertips tenderly. Nothing else needed to be said for now.

* * *

**Leave me a review, please? *Sad, pleading eyes* Oh, and Criminal Minds reference? **


	12. Learn You Inside Out

**Thank you guys for all your responses, to everyone and anyone who has left me a little comment. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I think you'll understand why I had to hurt Lilly. (I'm still sorry. BTW) **

**I forgot to add, last chapter's song is by James Morrison. This chapter's song is by Lifehouse.  
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**Disclaimer: If anyone's offering, I'd be glad to take them off their hands. Anyone? No. Didn't think so.  
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* * *

Chapter 12: Learn You Inside Out**

"Boss is comin' back." Kat said, as she walked back into the hospital room. As much as she hated to disturb Lilly, who was starting to drift off to sleep once again in Scotty's arm, she knew she had to. She shooed Scotty off the bed and smoothed down the sheets where he'd been lying. Idly, Kat wondered when she'd become the department mom to this bunch of teenagers.

As Scotty found himself suddenly being yanked away from Lilly, he opened his mouth to protest, to scratch and claw his way back to her, but the glare given to him by Kat Miller, who was bustling about, erasing signs of his presence on Lilly's bed, stopped him. He stumbled a little on the hard hospital floor and was temporarily shocked by the cold air between his arms where Lilly should have been. Scotty exchanged a look with Lilly, who was wearing a similar expression of longing, a look that was obviously not lost on Kat.

"Yeah, yeah. You two can hold hands and exchange whatever lovey dovey looks you want to later." She said as she straightened the pillows around Lilly and pointed menacingly at a chair, indicating for Scotty to sit and stop hovering. He did as he was wordlessly told, but neither woman saw his pout because of the people who suddenly entered the room.

"How are we all doing here this morning?" A young, kindly doctor picked up the chart at the end of Lilly's bed as she greeted the group of detectives.

This morning? Scotty checked his watch and realized it was indeed early morning. Ridiculously, ungodly early, just past 5 am, but still morning. They'd spent the entire night in the hospital. A night that seemed both the longest and shortest in a while.

Scotty pulled his attention back to the present as the doctor continued talking, "I'm Dr. Aldrin. Sorry to keep you waiting, but it's been crazy here tonight." Scotty sighed impatiently; this seemed to be a common phrase doctors used. He wished she'd get to the point and tell him when they could go home.

"So we spent most of the night running every test known to mankind on you." She said to Lilly. "X-ray, Cat Scan, MRI…We like to make sure everything's okay." Dr. Aldrin paused, sensing the interest of her audience drifting. "Your sprained wrist and bruises will go away by themselves, but you'll have to come back in a week to get those stitches removed. You also have a very mild concussion, which is why we've kept you so long, but that doesn't seem to be too serious. Other than that you're free to go home." She smiled encouragingly.

When the worry on their faces remained apparent, Dr. Aldrin sighed, and walked over to the side of the room, putting up several x-rays pictures on lighted panels. "See? No broken bones, no fractures. Everything's okay. This is a prescription for painkillers, in case you need them." She left the detectives to figure out the x-rays, as they no doubt would want to, and walked out the door.

Vera was the first to speak up. "You had us worried for a while there Rush."

"Yeah Lil, glad you're okay." Will said kindly.

Lilly smiled wanly, then frowned. She suddenly noticed that Scotty was no longer in the room, "Where is he?" She asked.

"He's probably in arraignment." Boss replied. "DA is charging him whether you agree or not, there are a dozen eye witnesses." His tone was clear and final, as though he'd expected Lilly to protest to court action and declare it unnecessary. What he didn't know though, was that he'd completely misunderstood what she meant by 'he'.

Meanwhile, Scotty had chased the doctor out into the hallway, carrying in his hand an x-ray image. As a child, he and Mike had been in the hospital numerous times, and x-rays had been frequently required. Between martial arts lessons, brotherly fights, and common, everyday mishaps, he'd had his fair share of accidents as a child. As a result, Scotty was fairly proficient at reading x-rays and upon seeing Lilly's he knew something was wrong.

"Hey!" He yelled at Dr. Aldrin's retreating back. "Wait a sec."

The doctor turned around, looking confused. "Detective?"

When he caught up to her, he was panting, but he shoved the x-ray furiously in her face anyway. "What kinda doctor are you?" He demanded.

"Excuse me?" The young doctor was genuinely confused.

"You miss this or somethin'?" He pointed at the x-ray, and at the obvious fissure in Lilly's jaw. "Now I ain't a doctor, but that ain't lookin' like everything's okay with me."

The doctor sighed, "Let me see that again." She held the x-ray up to the light and looked at what the furious detective was saying. There was indeed an obvious break that Dr. Aldrin wondered why she hadn't mentioned before, but it was healed, decades old probably. She tried to explain this to Scotty. "I didn't miss any-"

"Are you kiddin' me?" Scotty exploded. He grabbed the x-ray out of the doctor's hand and pointed again at what he saw and what she obviously didn't. "Right there, on the left side-"

"Sir, if you don't calm down and let me explain, I'm going to have to call security." Dr. Aldrin put her hand on her hip, where Scotty knew she wore a pager that could summon all the muscled guards the hospital hired in an instant.

Scotty was shocked. He was used to his temper helping him get his way, both in the interrogation room and out on the streets. It was part of what made him and Lilly a good team. They worked the good cop, bad cop angle perfectly. Without her by his side though, bad cop on its own obviously wouldn't get him anywhere.

Still fuming inside, Scotty remained silent and allowed the doctor to continue, "This is an old break. As in not from this incident. She probably broke her jaw when she was a little kid. Bones don't heal completely, you know."

When she was a kid. Lilly had broken her jaw when she was a kid. _Oh God. _Scotty's brow clouded with worry and his mind filled with possibilities, each more terrifying than the other. But there was one obvious conclusion. She got hurt. All of a sudden, anger ran up Scotty's veins, consuming and overwhelming him. How could someone do that? How could someone let that happen? Clenching his teeth and ordering his temper into submission, Scotty realized the doctor was still looking at him questioningly, and he also realized he probably owed her an apology.

"Sorry." He muttered sheepishly. Scotty turned around and raked a hand through his hair before turning back to the doctor. "I'm just, so worried, and I want to make sure she's okay."

Dr. Aldrin smiled kindly and looked at him sideways, "She's your partner?"

"Yeah," Scotty replied, hoping that that would be a reasonable explanation for his behavior a few minutes ago.

"Uh-huh" She smiled knowingly, "How long have you guys been dating?"

Scotty sighed, was is really that obvious? He supposed it was. "Actually, just a week." He replied, knowing it sounded impossibly short and insignificant. "But really, it's been years. I've always, well we've… It just feels like it's been a long time." He finished lamely.

"I've seen this kind of injury before," Dr. Aldrin said, "And… usually when you're worried about something like that, it's not for nothing. Just ask her." She concluded encouragingly.

"Yeah… maybe." Scotty said, wondering if he would get up the courage to ask about her broken jaw, and wondering at the same time if he could stand not knowing.

* * *

"Where the hell did Valens go?" Vera asked out loud. _Trust the idiot to disappear without a word when his partner needed a ride home._ He added internally.

"He probably got lost on the way back from the bathroom." Kat added with a shake of her head.

"Can't blame a guy for that, I guess." Vera replied. "Hospital is freakin' huge. Well since we're waiting…" He picked up Lilly's jello from a tray in front of her bed.

"What?" Vera asked, a spoonful of jello halfway to his mouth, in response to the indignant glares of his colleagues. "A guy's gotta eat and if you people hadn't devoured everything I brought up from that crappy excuse for a cafeteria…"

Lilly pressed a hand to her temple, willing away the headache that was setting in and trying to keep a smile on her face at the same time. She wanted Scotty. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go home with Scotty, where they could forget all about what happened today. To her horror, Lilly felt the pressure of tears behind her eyes for the first time in a long time. _Oh no. Oh hell no._ She thought frantically, _not now._ Where the hell had Scotty gone anyway?

Lilly turned her head and looked at her reflection in the window. She could see the Nurse's Station on the other side, but because of the light in her room she could also see herself, and she was shocked. The over sized hospital gown made her skin look pale and ghostly, or maybe it was the just the early hour and the fatigue of being poked and prodded all night. A purpling bruise that wound its way from just below her left cheek bone along her jaw stood in dark contrast against her fair skin and there was a small but obviously deep cut on her right cheek covered in surgical tape.

When Lilly reached up to touch her injuries, just to make sure they were real, she had to bite her lip to suppress a whimper of pain. She shook her head fiercely, only to regret it when the headache returned with a vengeance.

"We've got to go." Boss's voice shattered the silence permeating the room, as he snapped his phone shut. Lilly hadn't even noticed he'd received a call, maybe the silence was only in her head.

Either way, Lilly was happy for the distraction. "Oh…" She said, the question in her voice apparent.

"CSU found Holly's blood covered coat buried in the wall of Simms' apartment." Boss said gently. He looked apologetic. Apologetic that work would come in and interfere in Lilly's rest, and apologetic that he had to mention someone to fresh and painful in everyone's mind.

_The case._ Lilly thought. _We still have a case to solve._ Even though Wayne Simms was going to jail, most likely getting the maximum for the aggravated assault of a police officer, there was still Holly, who deserved justice as well. "I could help." Lilly said, but when four pairs of incredulous eyes turned on her she knew it was no good.

"Take the week off Lilly. Today's Friday. I don't want to see you until next Monday." Stillman paused, "I mean the Monday after this coming Monday, Lilly." He knew if he wasn't perfectly clear, especially with someone like Lilly, he was likely to see her in a couple days, claiming she had misunderstood him.

Lilly opened her mouth to protest, to proclaim herself perfectly fine, just a little banged up, but she decided not to. Especially since she'd insisted this morning she could handle that interview, and she… couldn't. Will nodded at her, "I think that's wise, Lil."

The rest of the team stood reluctantly to leave and Kat hesitated, "Maybe I should hang around a little longer. Drive her home if Valens doesn't show up in the next little while."

Boss nodded. "Good idea. We'll see you later." He and Will turned to leave.

"Don't get lost on your way out of the hospital Miller," Vera said sarcastically before looking pointedly at Lilly and taking the rest of her hospital food on the way out.

As soon as everyone was out of earshot, Kat rounded on Lilly, "So while you were out, me and Valens had an interesting talk."

Lilly groaned and fell back into her pillows, "Not now Kat…"

Kat wasn't letting up, "So you and Valens, huh? I mean, he's like my little annoyin' brother, if you know what I mean, but hey, to each her own. He does have that Latin charm goin' for him I guess."

Lilly felt a blush creep up her cheeks as Kat continued, "How exactly did this happen anyway?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Lilly said, picking up a pillow and burying her face in it.

Kat reached over and pulled the pillow from Lilly's grip, which even when Lilly had only one hand to use, wasn't an easy task. "Hey, you talk to me about it, or you talk to Boss about it." Kat made herself clear.

"Why?" Lilly whined. She didn't care that she sounded like a child, she'd do just about anything not to discuss her sex life, with her boyfriend, with her colleague.

Kat rolled her eyes. "Well, if I'm keepin' you and Valens's dirty little secret, I gotta know I'm right in doin' so and you guys ain't doin' anything stupid…Or illegal." She added as an afterthought.

"Please. Just, not now." Lilly pleaded with Kat.

Kat surveyed Lilly critically. "Fine." She agreed. "Just because you took a beating today and I feel sorry for you."

Lilly tossed her pillow a Kat with her uninjured arm. "I'm fine. It's just part of the job." And surprisingly Lilly was telling the truth. She'd gotten in over her head in this one interrogation, but her life was not in danger for one second and she knew that. Because she knew that, she wasn't fazed by what happened, and was actually frustrated she couldn't jump back into the investigation. Sure, she'd been vulnerable, she'd lied in her boyfriend's arms and let him see how scared she'd been in that second. But that was more about the physical damage, than the minimal emotional damage. It was Scotty she was worried about. It was Scotty who had a tendency to blame himself and a temper to match.

Right on cue, Scotty rushed into the hospital room. "Where's everyone else?" He asked breathlessly, looking between Lilly and Kat for an answer, both of whom were wearing amused grins.

"Work, you know the thing you get paid for, Valens?" Kat replied teasingly. "Speaking of which, I gotta take off. Oh, by the way. Boss is expecting your ass in the office after you drop Lilly off." She said to Scotty.

"What? But-" Scotty began to protest.

But Kat cut him off, "Don't shoot the messenger alright? That's what you two get for keepin' them in the dark. You gotta deal with not being together every second of everyday." And with that she was gone.

Scotty sighed and collapsed into a chair by Lilly's bed. He felt his eyelids starting to droop with the fear of the past night. Lilly looked at him from her hospital bed, "You okay, Scotty?"

Scotty looked up at her, "Ain't that what I'm supposed to be askin' you?" His eyes were dark with grief and pain and residual fear, and just a hint of, what was that? Oh, ...Confusion. He was studying her as though he couldn't figure her out.

Lilly climbed out of bed, wincing a bit, and walked up to Scotty. The hospital gown hung loosely around her slim body and as she lowered herself into his lap, Scotty was amazed once again at the fact that she fit perfectly against him.

She knew it. She knew that Scotty would have more trouble with this than she would. He was probably blaming himself for not preventing her from going in there, as if he had some super power that allowed him to predict exactly what would have happened. He may also be blaming himself for not breaking down the door soon enough, as though he could've made the sturdy wood splinter any faster. This blame, coupled with the worry she saw in Scotty's eyes pushed him near the abyss Lilly had pulled him out of just a couple of days ago.

Lilly didn't tell him she was okay, nor did she say it wasn't his fault, or that he couldn't have prevented her from getting hurt. She knew it wouldn't help. What Scotty needed was some way to help her, some way to feel like he was doing something useful and that's exactly what Lilly decided to give him. "Scotty… I want to go home. Will you, drive me home, please?"

Scotty's heart filled with love. He knew she was doing this for him and he couldn't verse how much he appreciated that. Lifting them both up from their position wedged into that uncomfortable chair. He set her on the bed and wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. Scotty then picked up the clothes she was wearing before and pulled her back into his arms. As he carried her toward their car, as fast as he could without dropping her to avoid the late November cold, Scotty discovered how much playing the hero, Lilly's hero, was helping him.

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**Scotty knows something! What's he gonna do about it? Please Review!**


	13. Good To You

**Thanks to anyone who reviewed, it really makes my day. This chapter picks up exactly where the last one left off (as most of them do), with Scotty and Lilly leaving the hospital. Just a side note, from the beginning of the story until now, about a week and a half has passed in Cold Case world. Not a lot of time. **

**This song is by Marianas Trench, featuring Kate Voegule. **

**Disclaimer: I have a computer that doesn't function quite as fast as it should, some spare time on my hands, and an inexplicable love for these characters. Sadly I don't own them.

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**Chapter 13: Good To You**

As Lilly and Scotty made their way toward her house, Scotty attempting to drive within the speed limit for once, Lilly felt herself starting to drift off to sleep. She huddled deeper into Scotty's suit jacket, inhaling the sweet, spicy scent she now associated only with her boyfriend. Scotty slowed the speed of the car even more to give Lilly more time to sleep before he had to wake her.

Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, and using the other to tuck his coat more tightly under her chin, Scotty began to think about all the events of the past twenty four hours, which contained more ups and downs than any day during his entire time with the Homicide squad of Philly. It started with a glorious morning that Scotty hoped to replay everyday in the future. Waking up, watching Lilly sleep, making her coffee, driving her crazy in the shower, joking with his colleagues while eating sweet doughnuts and drinking good coffee. It was as close to a perfect morning as he could imagine.

And it had all gone downhill from there.

Scotty had known, known when he saw Wayne Simms looking like a caged animal in that interrogation room, that it wouldn't take much to light his fuse, which is exactly what Lilly did. Not that she should be blamed. Oh, hell no. Not in the slightest. Because she'd done exactly what a detective should've, roped him in and gotten information, perhaps not in the safest of ways, but that was the job. And then… in a flurry of fists hitting soft flesh, Lilly was on the floor, the detective in her completely gone.

Scotty cursed under his breath as he ran another red light. He didn't know if it was the fact that it was 7 in the morning on a Saturday, when he would usually be sleeping in or if he was impossibly distracted by the beautiful blonde next to him, but his driving was definitely suffering. Fixating his eyes back on the road, Scotty tried his hardest not to get into a car wreck.

Kat had convinced him to take Lilly to the hospital and on the way he'd spilled his secret to her and thank God he had. Kat knew and Lilly knew that Kat knew, and the world hadn't caved in, they'd sidestepped that particular landmine. While Lilly was off getting all her tests, Scotty had collapsed on some unknown patch of hospital floor, which ironically was much more comfortable than the chairs provided by the hospital, and slogged through the plethora of thoughts in his mind. Finally, he'd come to the conclusion that there was no protecting her from this damn job, nor was there any parting Lilly and her job. That left thanking the universe that nothing horrible had happened and moving on, which is what Scotty resolved to do.

And then he saw that x-ray. The one that made him recognize Lilly's broken jaw. Quietly, Scotty cursed his numerous childhood broken bones. The times he'd fallen off his bike, jumped off a dining room table, decided he could fly from the top of the jungle gym, and looked at the pictures the doctor brought him with interest… but he'd never broken his jaw, never even come close to it in fact.

All of that made him think that there was more to this injury than what met the eye and the doctor seemed to agree with him. She'd encouraged him to ask her about it. Scotty chuckled. She obviously didn't know Lilly, and her reluctance to talk about her past, especially something like this in her past. She broke her jaw. She broke her jaw. She broke her jaw. Even now Scotty couldn't help but stare at the woman next to him and wonder.

It could be nothing. It could just be a childhood accident like his. But Scotty knew the kind of childhood Lilly had. One that was not likely filled with bicycles and jungle gyms like his had been. She'd tried to tell him before, only to give up when he didn't want to hear it. But now, now that they were together, Scotty found that he couldn't not know. He just needed a way to ask, hopefully a gently encouraging way that told her he cared, and he wouldn't judge. Pulling up to Lilly's house, Scotty turned to find that Lilly was not only fast asleep, but that her head had disappeared beneath his coat so that only a fan of corn silk blond hair was visible.

Scotty was glad for a temporary distraction and focused on getting Lilly inside as comfortably as possible. He walked over to her side of the car and pulled her out of the seat easily. Walking slowly so as not to slip on the ice that adorned the stairs to her front door, Scotty cursed winter in Philly. It was still a month from Christmas, and yet it was as if the city was in a deep freeze. Scotty reached into Lilly's bundle of clothes in the hospital issued plastic bag and extracted her house key, unlocked the door, and carried Lilly into the quiet house.

The cats immediately circled his ankles, giving Scotty a look that said, _what the hell did you do to her?_ Rolling his eyes and stepping over the cats, Scotty made his way up the stairs and into the bedroom he and Lilly had shared for the past week.

He put her down on her side of the bed, and Lilly immediately rolled around and snuggled deeply into the covers.

Scotty crouched down and spoke to her sleeping form, "I gotta go Lil." He said regretfully.

Semi consciously, Lilly reached out with one hand and found Scotty's face. "No…" She murmured, her eyes still closed.

Pressing a kiss to her hand, Scotty sighed, "Sorry Lil." He hated that he had to leave her here on her own, when she might need someone to take care of her.

On his way out the door, Scotty scratched Tripod and Olivia behind the ears, giving both cats instructions to take good care of their owner.

* * *

Will Jeffries was deep in thought about Scotty Valens and Lilly Rush. He'd known for a while that the two of them had a deeper connection than most partners. He'd also known that after the shooting, Lilly was busy trying to forget and Scotty was busy blaming himself. They'd both been coming into work weary, haunted, hopeless.

And then sometime a week ago, that had changed.

Lilly had stopped coming to work looking so careworn and Scotty had that shit eating grin plastered on his face all day. Now those two events were just too coincidental to be unrelated. When Valens refused to talk about his hot date, when he and Vera usually bragged nonstop about their various conquests, Jeffries had known that he and Rush had somehow worked it through their stubborn minds that there was something between them.

Jeffries was happy for his co workers. Both Scotty and Lilly had had a few difficult years, full of near death experiences, and the deaths of loved ones. For them to find happiness in each other would make everyone's lives more joyful… well as soon as they got used to the idea. Will took a moment to congratulate himself on figuring out the relationship that Scotty and Lilly were obviously doing their best to keep a secret.

When Kat sidled up next to him though, Will remembered the way she'd gotten everyone out of the hospital room when Scotty showed up, the secret conversations she and Lilly seemed to be sharing, the knowing look on her face, as opposed to Vera and Boss's bewildered ones when Scotty picked Lilly up off the floor… _Holy crap_. Kat knew as well. She knew and she wasn't telling anybody.

Now Will knew Kat, and she also knew that anything to torture Valens with was alright with her. For her to be keeping their secret… oh, this was going to be fun.

"You notice anything different about Valens and Rush lately?" Will Jeffries turned to his colleague Kat. They were standing outside of Wayne Simm's house, having accompanied CSU to the scene.

"Besides Valens being a more overprotective idiot than usual?" Kat replied smoothly. "Nah."

"Really." Jeffries replied, raising an eyebrow at her. "I must just be seeing things then."

Kat's detective instinct immediately perked up, "What? You know somethin' you ain't tellin' the rest of us Will?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He replied without missing a beat.

"Don't know what you're talkin' about." She said, shaking her head.

Will sighed, "Kat… I know that Scotty's in love with Lil."

Kat's head snapped up so fast that her neck cracked, "What?" She said furiously, rubbing the back of her neck. How had he guessed? And more importantly, how could she keep him from finding out that he'd guessed the truth?

"Come on Kat. Have you been seeing the same look I see that Valens gets when he so much as glances at Lil? Now if that ain't love, I don't know what is."

Kat stared at him, "That don't mean anythin's goin' on."

"You notice that Lil's been happier too?" Will asked knowingly.

Kat scowled, Will had her there, and she knew it. Still, she had a secret to protect. A secret she promised to keep for them. "It could just be sex." She reasoned.

"Please." Will scoffed. "Those two have been making eyes at each other for years. It was about time. When did you find out anyways?" He added, ignoring what she said.

"Hey, just 'cause two of our colleagues decided to start sleepin' together like a couple of teenagers, which in itself is pretty damn disturbing, don't mean squat. You got no proof that they're in love." She countered.

"You sayin' they aren't?" Will asked.

"I'm sayin' that it's definitely just sex on Rush's side. No way that girl is stupid enough to get involved with Valens. Remember his first week in homicide?" Kat was lying through her teeth. Whatever feelings Scotty was feeling, she was convinced that Lilly was in just as deep. But if she could convince him it was just sex, maybe she could buy the two of them some more time.

"All his 'informants'? Yeah I remember. Valens has always been a scrappy detective-"

"-who confuses himself with Casanova?" Kat supplied sarcastically.

"-who for some reason has fallen in love with his partner and is now finally realizing that she feels the same way." Will corrected.

"You thinkin' about the same partner I'm thinkin' about? Lilly Rush? The Ice Queen Homicide Barbie? She strike you as the type of person who could fall for Casanova?" Kat asked with her eyebrows raised.

"You willing to wager a dozen doughnuts on that Kat?" Will challenged.

"You got yourself a bet." She replied. "One dozen doughnuts says Rush is havin' sex with Valens, he's in love with her, and this is all gonna end ugly." Kat hated having to bet against them, knowing how happy they were together, but if this was the only way to get Jeffries to drop this, then bet against them it was.

"And I say, they're gonna come clean to Boss and go steady." Will said.

Kat laughed. "'Go steady'. Yeah, that's what they would do if this was 1950, and if there was any possible way there was anythin' more than the physical between them."

Just then Scotty reached the crime scene, walking up to them looking surly. "What do we got?" He asked impatiently.

Kat and Will exchanged a look, "What we got is some pretty solid evidence that Simms is guilty of Holly's murder." Kat replied.

"Then let's get that son of a bitch." Scotty said, turning around to stalk back to his car, presumably heading to the DA's office to add another charge to the indictment.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Will turned back to Kat. "Love is in the air" he hummed quietly.

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

Lilly woke in the afternoon, completely starved and still dressed in that loose hospital gown. She sat up in bed, groaning at the headache, and started to hobble slowly toward the shower. Scotty had gone to work. She knew that from the few seconds she was conscious a couple of hours ago. That gave her enough time to take a shower, clean herself up, and cover up her bruises so that when Scotty came home, he would stop looking at her like some poor victim he needed to save.

A few minutes later, Lilly was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, critically eyeing her disheveled hair, facial injuries, and tired appearance. _You look like crap, Rush._ She thought. Then she turned around, and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water rush over her body. It was a few minutes before she realized that the water was scalding her skin, and another few minutes before she made a move to adjust the temperature.

When Lilly finally decided to get out of the shower, the water had run cold and she was shivering. As she wrapped a towel around herself, she fervently wished that Scotty was still here. His arms around her served to warm her far more than a single towel ever could. With some difficulty, Lilly pulled on a pair of loose fitting jeans and a cotton long sleeved top. She ventured into the kitchen, in search of some food, while simultaneously filling her cats' food bowls. Then Lilly plopped down on the couch, let the TV drone mindlessly in the background and waited for Scotty to come back.

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The sky was darkening when Scotty knocked on Lilly's door. It had been almost 12 hours since he last saw her, but at last he was home. The door opened, and Scotty assumed it was Lilly who threw it open, but he wasn't sure because before he could get his bearings, a small, blonde bolt of lightning had instilled itself in his arms.

Scotty grunted at the sudden impact before recovering and returning the embrace with equal measure. "How d'you know it was me?" He couldn't help but ask.

"I just did." Lilly replied with a smile, inhaling Scotty's aftershave happily.

"What if it was a stranger?" Scotty asked again, a grin on his face.

Lilly shrugged into his shoulder, "I got a gun."

Scotty chuckled, wondering, not for the first time how the universe had decided he deserved to be so ridiculously happy around someone and despite everything that had happened in the past 48 hours, he found a completely inexplicable urge cross his mind. The urge to say the three magic words that words that would change everything, and the need to hear Lilly say them back.

"I'm starving Scotty." Lilly murmured into the side of his neck.

Scotty pulled back, "So eat somethin'" He said, confusion etched on his brow. Those weren't the three words he was hoping for, but he'd take them.

"There's nothing to eat," she whined, "and you spoiled takeout for me."

Sighing, Scotty took her hand and led her into the kitchen. They began to rummage through her cupboards in silence until Scotty spoke up, "Okay, the way I see it, you got two choices. Macaroni and cheese, the frozen kind, or the kind from the box."

Lilly grinned, "The frozen kind is better."

Ten minutes later, Scotty and Lilly were seated on her sofa, eating thawed macaroni and cheese. The conversation soon turned to the case.

"What d'you guys find at the scene," Lilly asked around a mouthful of food. She was trying to appear nonchalant, as though it was just another case, just another victim, just another suspect. But her heart was slamming in her chest, and she was surprised that it wasn't written all over her face. _Tell me what I wanna hear, Scotty._

Scotty looked at her sideways. He knew she didn't care about the details, the forensics, the microscopic cell that would definitively incriminate Wayne Simms. She didn't care because at that moment, she wasn't Detective Lilly Rush. She was Lilly, just a woman, who wanted to hear that the man who'd hurt her wouldn't ever had a chance to hurt anyone else ever again. A chance to have her safe, secure feelings reinstated.

A tendril of blond hair had slipped out of her hair elastic and was attached to the cheese in her frozen entrée. He brushed it out of her food and ducked to meet her gaze, wanting to see her relieved look when he told her, "He's goin' away for life."

Lilly's shoulders slumped with relief. "Oh thank God." She looked up at him, a grin playing on her lips, "I was worried you guys couldn't figure it out without me."

Scotty set aside his dinner, and leaned in closer to her. "Oh, I can think of one thing I can't do without you." Scotty's lips met hers gently, his tongue teasing her lips open and his hands roaming her body, tugging at her clothes.

Lilly groaned, feeling heat pool between her thighs and desire shoot up her veins. She raked her nimble fingers through his hair, ignoring her throbbing wrist, just as Scotty knocked her dinner off her lap, not knowing, not caring where it landed. Lilly laid down the couch, letting Scotty rid her of her shirt and reveal her pale pink bra. He straddled her, kissing his way down her neck, across her collar bone, down between the valley of her breasts, as he expertly unhooked her bra.

He made his way back up to capture her lips in another kiss, more urgent than before. Their tongues battled for dominance, simultaneously giving up when the need for oxygen became overwhelming. Lilly found the place right below his earlobe, which she'd recently learned was ridiculously sensitive, just as Scotty kissed his way along her jaw.

Suddenly he stopped, feeling for the first time a raised edge of bone on her jaw on the left side. He paused, a frown plastering his face and worry temporarily pushing the desire from his mind. Scotty sat back on her thighs, considering for a second whether he should ask her right now.

"Scotty?" Lilly looked up at him for confusion. She wondered why he was studying her like a case, and at the same time wondering why she was half naked and he still had all his clothes. Well, one of these things she could fix. She reached up, unzipped that gray hoodie he seemed to like so much, and in one fluid motion ripped his t-shirt up over his head, making him equally semi clothed.

As Lilly drank in the sight before her, Scotty noticed for the first time the black and blue patches that marred her body from yesterday's events. In that instant he decided not to ask her. He knew better than to dig up the wounds of years ago, when the wounds of yesterday had not yet healed. Scotty also knew that he may not be able to fix anything about what happened to her as a kid, but the wounds laid out in front of him now, those he could fix. Maybe someday, when their young relationship was more mature, when the happiness they'd found was less fragile, he'd get up the courage to ask.

For now though, Scotty would settle for pressing gentle kisses to Lilly's bruises, every contact with his lips soothing the ache. His hands found the waistband of her jeans, and then her jeans were no more. Scotty continued kissing every inch of skin he could reach, determined for them both to forget the rest of the world and if the delighted sounds she was making were any indication, he was succeeding. _Mission Accomplished.

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_**Honestly, you guys expected Will to find out right? I mean, he's the quiet observant kind that doesn't miss a thing. That leaves Vera and Boss in the dark. Of course, he doesn't officially know... and Scotty and Lilly have some explaining to do. **

**Also, the Wayne Simms storyline is far from over. I have some pretty epic stuff planned so please keep reading. **

**As for the broken jaw stuff, Scotty knows, and that's going to be important later, but not the focus for now. I figured there was enough angst and the next chapter is almost purely fluff. :) **

**This is a long A/N. **

**Oh yeah, please take a second and leave me a little review. Apparently I'm not immune to the 'Eeeep, it's a review. *claps and giggles*' thing. Oh well, no one's perfect.  
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	14. The Best Day

**Okay, so here's the next chapter. I had some fun writing this one, and I got to bring in some of my Grey's Anatomy knowledge (which is _very_ extensive). I know I promised fluff, and for the most part, it's fluffy, though perhaps not as much as I would've liked. Oh well. I hope you enjoy! Chapter title by Taylor Swift  
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**Disclaimer: I have two different colored socks on. Still no Cold Case though...

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**Chapter 14: The Best Day**

"Wake up Lil." Scotty said, leaning in close and watching her eyes flutter open. Sometime, in the middle of last night, they'd made it up to the bed, traumatizing Lilly's cats as they went along. He didn't know how many times they'd done it, but as he recalled images from last night, images he wanted to commit to memory forever, a satisfied grin crossed Scotty's face.

"Uh." Lilly groaned, trying to shield her eyes as Scotty tore the curtains open with cheerful vigor. In the past week, she'd learned that Scotty was a morning person, while she on the other hand could stay up until ungodly hours in the middle of the night, knowing she'd pay for it the next morning. Where he got that morning energy, she didn't know, but she hoped it would rub off on her someday.

"C'mon, get up." He said, bouncing on the bed like a little kid.

"Get up?" Lilly asked, fixing him with a stare using the eye that wasn't pressed into the pillow, looking remarkably like Olivia. "After last night, you're lucky if I can still move."

Scotty collapsed on his stomach, leveling her with a kind gaze, "Does your head hurt?" He asked, brushing hair out of her face. The stitches on her face stood in stark contrast with her pale skin, and the bruise along her jaw had also darkened. He didn't want to push her if the aftermaths of the attack in the interrogation room were still affecting her. Scotty loosely wrapped his hand around her injured wrist, and brought her hand up to kiss the back.

"No. I'm fine." She replied. And indeed, after a full day's sleep and a night with Scotty, she felt good as new.

The tenderness from a moment ago gone, and replaced by teasing joy, Scotty stood up briskly. "Then get up." He repeated with finality.

"Why?" Lilly whined.

Scotty sighed with exasperation, "Remember what we did last Sunday?"

Lilly rolled over and upon realizing she was not wearing any clothes, hugged the sheets tighter over her body, "Yeah." She said, a smile crossing her face, "We were too tired to go out so we spent the day in bed, eating that amazing pizza…" She trailed off happily.

"Yeah well, that ain't happenin' this weekend." Scotty said, as he put on the ratty grey sweatshirt he'd been wearing last night and the faded blue jeans with the hole in the knee. "We're goin' out."

"I'm comfortable here." Lilly complained again. The idea of Scotty cooking for her and perhaps bringing the food into bed was not at all adverse to her.

As a response, Scotty stepped into Lilly's walk in closet, intending to find her some clothes and make her get out of bed. Mentally taking stock of her closet, including the perfectly pressed work clothes on one side, stacks of boxes containing unknown things on the other, and casual clothing scattered on the floor, Scotty's eyes were drawn to the three beautiful dresses that contrasted everything Scotty knew about Lilly.

Scotty stood in Lilly's closet, imagining what Lilly would look like in that sexy, short, strapless black dress, with the slit that ran way too high, or the blue sequined dress that would hang loosely on her shoulders, or the elegant red one that would surely hug each of her beautiful curves. Snapping out of his reverie, and wishing fervently that one day he would get to see Lilly in any one of those beautiful dresses, Scotty bent down to pick up some random casual clothing and turned around to leave.

Reentering the bedroom, Scotty tossed the pair of sweatpants and a tie dyed t-shirt at Lilly. "Put those on." He instructed. As Lilly put on her clothes and brushed her teeth, Scotty equipped himself with only his wallet. To prevent any distractions of what should be one glorious day with Lilly, he also turned off both their cell phones and left them on her night table.

Ten minutes later, when Lilly came out of the washroom, Scotty immediately grabbed her hand and started to lead her downstairs. He could hear her protests. Something about doing her hair, or makeup, or changing out of the hideous clothes he'd picked for her.

When they got to the front door, Lilly asked, "Where the hell is the fire, Scotty?"

Scotty paused for the first time since he woke up that morning. So intent was he on getting both of them out of the house, he hadn't bothered to explain to her. Hastily, he backtracked. "I just don't want anything to get in the way of us havin' our perfect day out there." He leaned in to kiss her.

"Mmm. Well you know the kissing isn't gonna help get us out of the house." She reminded him.

Scotty smiled, opened the door and made an exaggerated sweeping gesture with his hand, his still injured knuckles protesting just a little bit. Lilly giggled and stepped out of the doorway, Scotty close behind. The cold gust of wind reminded them that outside of the cocoon that was Lilly's house, it was almost December. The sidewalks were covered with a light dusting of snow and crystal icicles hung from the houses across the street like a Christmas card.

"Jackets first?"

"Yeah."

* * *

An hour later, Scotty and Lilly were walking down the streets of Center City. It was nearing noon on Sunday, and the streets were littered with children, getting a ride on their bikes one last time before the first heavy snowfall and die hard teenage basketball fans, playing despite the cold.

Scotty and Lilly spent the morning walking around town. They'd started at her house, walking toward the precinct automatically, and then deciding it was most likely not the wisest thing to do. They bought hot chocolate from a street vendor, Scotty steering her toward another neighborhood, and when she linked her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder, Scotty silently congratulated himself for getting them out of the house. They were being a normal couple. Outwardly, he simply pressed a kiss to the top of her head as they continued walking.

Lilly smiled. Despite her initial reluctance to get out of bed, she couldn't deny the fact that she was enjoying herself. They were so often Detective Rush and Valens that being Lilly and Scotty came rarely. When that rare chance came though, or when they created one, like Scotty had this morning, it was just amazing. Sighing happily and tightening her grip on her boyfriend, Lilly was suddenly aware that she no longer recognized her surroundings, and well, being a cop, that was unacceptable.

"Where are we Scotty?" She asked. They'd been walking, well less walking and more just meandering along, for over two hours now. And Lilly had to admit that she was a bit concerned.

"You'll see in a second." Scotty replied mysteriously. "Trust me, relax."

_Trust him, and relax, Rush._ She repeated internally. _You can do it._ Growing even more uneasy, Lilly stopped walking, and fixed him with a glare. "Where are we going?" She repeated sharply. _Brilliant, Lilly. _

Scotty all of a sudden found himself pulled back by Lilly, who'd stopped walking. She was standing on the sidewalk, refusing to move another step, her arm having slipped out of his grasp. He turned around, facing her with both an exasperated look and a smile on his face. Scotty grabbed her hand and pulled her along a few more feet before stopping, "We're here."

"Where is this?" Lilly took in the small, urban street they were standing on. Row houses not unlike hers lined both sides, except that these houses were much older. Green vines grew up the old red brick, and the trees in the yards appeared too big for the small expanse of grass they stood on. The cobblestoned sidewalks showed the chalk creations of what appeared to be dozens of children. "It's just a bunch of houses."

Scotty pointed at a house across the street, "That one right there, that's where I grew up." He said, nostalgia suddenly permeating his voice. "Thought you might wanna see it." He added nervously, glancing down at Lilly.

Her eyes wide, Lilly looked at the small house across the road in a whole new light. This time, when she looked at the chalk drawings on the sidewalk, she saw a plump little boy, with jet black hair, his hands and face covered in chalk dust, grinning from ear to ear. When she stepped closer to Scotty and squeezed his hand, the two of them stood in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Thanks." Lilly began, "for showing me this." It thrilled her to the core to learn something new about Scotty.

Scotty grinned, "Y'know, my parents are in there. My mom's probably makin' some really damn good cookies, and there's probably lunch…" He trailed off when he saw Lilly's eyes widen. "What?" He asked, slightly confused.

Lilly looked around, her breathing quickening, trying to size up a possible escape route. Scotty's parents. Her boyfriend's parents. The thought that they could be looking out the window, wondering who the woman standing with their son was, maybe wondering why they both looked so banged up. The possibility that they could decide to walk out the door any minute and talk to them, well it made her want to get the hell out of there. Without thinking, she turned around and started to walk down the street, away from that house, shoving her suddenly cold hands deep into her pockets and trying not to hyperventilate.

Scotty didn't catch up with Lilly until they were at the end of the street. "Lil, wait." He said, grabbing her upper arm.

She spun around to face him, her eyes flashing, and then Scotty realized his mistake. Mentally smacking himself for not thinking of, and avoiding, the obvious problem, Scotty looked into her eyes, wondering what he should say. He really had no idea where to begin. Perhaps trying to explain would be the best part to start, "Lil. I didn't mean you had to… I was just…"

Scotty reached out for her. He tried to pull her into his arms, but Lilly stepped back out of his grasp. From across the street, someone slammed a car door and Lilly jumped, the deer-in-the-headlights look temporarily shocked off of her face. She hadn't done that in a while. Scotty thought, and he hated that he was the cause of her regression.

Lilly studied her boyfriend's expression and she felt her own Ice Queen glare softening. He meant well, Lilly knew that. He didn't mean to stir up over 30 years of issues and problems and fears. This time when Scotty tried to hold her, she decided to let him. Lilly murmured, "Sorry Scotty. This was great. I didn't mean to ruin it."

"Nah, you ain't ruinin' anything, Lil." Scotty replied. He wanted to ask to see where she grew up and learn about the neighborhood that shaped the woman he loved. But this was definitely not the time. He knew that much. "You wanna get some food?" He asked.

Lilly nodded. She knew Scotty was just trying to distract her, just as she'd done the night he changed her curtains. Lilly found she didn't mind.

This time Scotty hailed a cab, neither of them wanting to walk back across town to the restaurant he was thinking about. They climbed into the backseat together. Lilly laid her head of Scotty's shoulder, and his lips landed on her forehead. For the time being, Lilly pushed the thoughts of Scotty's family and her own family out of her mind. That wasn't on her agenda to deal with tonight.

* * *

"Are you crazy Scotty?" Lilly asked incredulously twenty minutes later. They were standing in front of a restaurant. Not just any restaurant, the best French restaurant in all of Philadelphia.

"What's crazy 'bout it?" He replied, shooting her a lopsided smile. "I wanna take you out somewhere nice. This is nice."

Lilly looked back through the decorative window. The restaurant was full of couples and families, all dressed to the nines. Women were wearing cocktail dresses, men were sporting tuxedoes, and even children were dolled up in their own formal clothing.

"We look like we just rolled out of bed," She explained. Lilly looked at her own disheveled hair and sweat pants. She also knew she was wearing no makeup and had on that tie dyed t-shirt Scotty dug from her closet that morning. Then, she looked pointedly at Scotty's day old stubble, ripped jeans, and gray hoodie.

Scotty cocked his head to the side, "So?" He said simply.

Lilly felt a huge grin cross her face. This could be fun. This could be just what they both needed.

Decision made, Lilly took Scotty's hand in his and they walked defiantly into the restaurant.

After a few minutes, and repeated assurances that they were not in the wrong place, Scotty and Lilly were seated at a small, cozy table in the corner of the restaurant. Between the snobby maitre d' asking whether they had a reservation, and the server who'd promptly given them the once over, Lilly and Scotty dissolved into helpless gales of laughter. Lilly wasn't even sure what they'd ordered, just that it was bound to be extraordinarily expensive.

Scotty glanced from side to side, noting the hushed conversations of confused people around them. Then he looked back at Lilly, in her loosely fitting, tie dyed t-shirt, and the sweatpants that he knew hung way too low on her hips, even though he couldn't seem them right now. She was beautiful. Maybe today was the day he would tell her he loved her.

Maybe.

Probably not.

Scotty was determined for this to go right. No jumping the gun. No alarming Lilly with his feelings that were probably premature. No scaring off the Ice Queen. Swallowing the words that threatened to pop out of his mouth, Scotty thanked the server for the wine he was offering.

Lilly watched Scotty watch her. He was definitely studying her again. The same look he had on his face last night before they… Lilly felt a blush creep up her cheeks and decided to steer her thoughts in another direction. It was like he was trying to ask her something, or tell her something, or do something, but was struggling to keep himself from doing so.

"What?" Lilly asked, just a bit of annoyance in her otherwise perfectly cheerful voice.

"Nothin'" Scotty replied mysteriously.

"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Lilly pressed.

"Just thinkin' how amazingly hot you look tonight," He said, wiggling at eyebrow at her.

Lilly stared back incredulously, "I haven't showered in more than two days. You picked out my clothes, and we've both seen how good you are at that. Also, I _still_ look like I got hit by a truck." She ended her tirade with an exasperated wave of her still bandaged wrist, gesturing at the bruise on her face, obviously frustrated with the slow healing of injuries.

Immediately knowing what she was thinking, Scotty said softly, "Those'll fade, and we'll go to the hospital to get the stitches out, and the wrist… just means you can pawn off your notes to someone else." He reassured her.

Lilly couldn't help but giggle. In a second though, worry clouded her brow.

"What?" This time is was Scotty turns to ask.

"I could have a scar." She whispered.

"The doctors said you wouldn't."

"What if I do?"

Scotty leaned in to kiss her, "Scars are hot. Scars are poetic. Scars are pretty damn bad ass, Lilly Rush."

Lilly smiled against his lips, "I _am_ bad ass, Valens."

Scotty thought of last night. The places they'd gone, the feelings they'd felt, the side of Lilly that both enthralled and amazed him all at once. "Oh, I know it, Lil."

Their food arrived then, and Scotty and Lilly were forced to sit back in their chairs. They shared a delicious hors d'oeuvre, occasionally stealing a surreptitious glance at each other, bursting into helpless laughter when they realized once again how ridiculously out of place they looked.

"Scotty, what are we doing?" Lilly asked suddenly.

"Eatin' dinner?" He replied. "Lookin' like complete idiots?"

"No, I mean, us." A small, confused look crossed her face. "I mean, you took me to see your house. And-and, you call me your girlfriend. And you're practically living at my house."

Scotty grinned, "It's called a relationship Lil."

All teasing aside, he added, "No pressure, y'know. It's been a hard year, and I know I ain't been this happy in a long time. So, we'll just… see where it goes." He finished with a smile.

Lilly grinned, "How about we make it go to your apartment tonight?"

* * *

**Rest assured, Lilly will not have a scar (: **

**Believe it or not this is actually the first time they'll be going to Scotty's apartment. Wonder what they'll do... ;)**

**Please Review! I'd love to get to 100 reviews, hopefully with this chapter, so you could help out with that... :D You guys are the best.  
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	15. Kiss You Good Morning

**Lilly's finally at Scotty's place, plus more office snark in this chapter. Hopefully I'll update one more time this week, but otherwise it'll have to be next, since I'm going on vacation. As always, reviews are love, criticism is welcome too. It has recently come to my attention, that most authors will write a nice reply when receiving a review. I feel bad for not responding to you guys, just know that I love you, my kind reviewers. Chapter title by Jake Owen.  
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**Disclaimer: Wow, it's really hard to think of these... I'll just go with the generic 'I don't own anything'.

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**Chapter 15: Kiss You Good Morning **

It was late in the evening by the time Scotty was unlocking the door to his apartment. He felt like a teenager, bringing home his date for the first time, seeking her approval. He flipped on the light, noticing the musty smell of an unused space. With a start of surprise, he realized he hadn't been home in almost two weeks, always just stopping by for a quick shower or a change of clothes. Even though his apartment was closer to the precinct, Lilly's house was just more… homey.

"C'mon in, Lil." He said nervously, moving out of the way so Lilly could step into the door.

Lilly looked around silently for a second, "So this is where you live, huh?"

"If I'd known you were comin', I woulda cleaned up a bit." Scotty explained hastily, picking up some dirty clothes off the floor and straightening a throw pillow.

"No, it looks fine. Can't expect men to be all organized anyways." Lilly reassured him with a smile.

"What? This coming from the woman with clothes all over the closet floor and cat toys everywhere?" Scotty shot back.

"Hey!" She protested, swatting his arm happily, "The cats need to play with stuff and there's no point in cleaning them back up."

"Yeah, okay…" Scotty gave in easily, enjoying this happy banter too much, as they walked through the apartment, turning on lights as they went.

Lilly leaned happily against Scotty's kitchen counter, his entire apartment now illuminated brightly. It looked like the standard bachelor pad, all sharp angles and black and silver appliances. Big screen TV that took up half the wall seemed to be Scotty's pride and joy, and if Lilly was a betting woman she would bet she could guess half the sports teams on his DVR. But there was something… something that wasn't quite right.

"Um, Scotty? Why is all your furniture arranged like that?" His sofa was pushed all the way back against the wall, coffee table wedged into the corner between the couch and the door, and a table lamp balanced precariously on the two.

"Oh, that." Scotty smiled sheepishly, "More space for the skippin' rope." He replied with a shrug.

"That's interesting."

Lilly continued to look at him. It was her one eye narrowed, one eyebrow raised, you're so weird look. She removed her coat and draped it on the back of a chair, and then the only thing Scotty could see was Lilly's sparkling, bottomless blue eyes, her lips, her smile, her t-shirt slipping down to reveal one creamy, porcelain shoulder, just begging to be touched.

In one step, Scotty closed the distance between them. He reached up to slide one hand beneath her waterfall of flaxen hair, and let the other drop to her hip. Leaning forward blindly, he hoped his lips would find hers, and when they did his kitchen and living room disappeared around them.

"Bedroom's much more interestin'" He murmured against her lips.

Lilly was shocked at first, hadn't they just been talking about furniture? And now here he was kissing like that and _oh, god…_ who cared about furniture anyway? She returned his kiss with equal vigor and reached behind his neck to deepen the kiss. Lilly was completely unaware of where she was until she felt the cold, hard kitchen counter against her back, and then she remembered. _We're in Scotty's kitchen. My partner - now my boyfriend's - kitchen. _

Momentarily, Lilly had to suppress a giggle. This was… this was fun, this was dangerous, and like Scotty said earlier that night, this was bad ass. Sure, they could get into a lot of trouble, especially now that one of their coworkers knew, and Lilly wasn't sure why she wasn't bolting out the door. That thought was wiped from her mind, however, when Scotty lifted her up and sat her on the kitchen counter, all the while not breaking their embrace.

"Kitchen's interestin' too," he said breathlessly.

Lilly was going to respond, but then she was lifting her arms so he could remove her t-shirt, wrapping her legs around his waist, and suddenly it didn't matter where they were, everywhere was interesting.

* * *

The next morning, Scotty sighed happily and gathered Lilly closer in his arms. He shivered in the cool morning air and reached down to tug the sheets back over himself, hoping to catch a few more minutes of sleep before he had to head off to work. Reaching out blindly, Scotty's hand found, not the warm, soft mattress, but what felt like hard linoleum. Like… like his kitchen floor. His eyes snapping open, Scotty looked around. Kitchen table legs, bottom of the refrigerator, no alarm clock, no bedside lamp. He sat bolt upright, immediately regretting it as the muscles in his back protested loudly from their night on the floor.

Scotty didn't know why they hadn't gone to bed in the end, but he attributed it to neither of them wanting to get up off the floor yesterday, and deciding mutually to just, not. Wincing slightly, Scotty lifted the sleeping Lilly off the floor and stepped into his bedroom. It was just like he remembered it last, simple, but comfortable. He tucked her into his bed, swept some blond hair out of her face, and began getting ready for work.

As few minutes later, as Scotty worked the suds through his hair in the shower, he began to consider the past week and a half of his life. It'd been a difficult few years for him, and this past week was one of the only ones where there was no problem to deal with, no reason to beat himself up, and just be free to laugh.

Scotty remembered four years ago, starting a new, stressful, and difficult job was enough for one plate, but he'd also had Elisa. That marked the beginning of the last two years he'd be fighting off Elisa's giants, and sometimes Elisa herself as well. Immediately, Scotty tried to slam the door on his memories, but to his surprise, he found that when he edged that door open just a bit, it wasn't self hatred and pain that lay on the other side. It was acceptance. Oh, sure, at the beginning there'd been plenty of self hatred and pain, after Elisa's suicide, so much that he couldn't keep it all behind that door, but now… Scotty was shocked to discover that he'd truly moved on.

After that there was the disaster that was Christina Rush. Scotty still cringed at these memories. To him, his actions had been justified, but that was only in his post-Elisa mode, crazy with anger, and numb with grief at the same time. He shuddered when he thought of what might have happened if he hadn't spent all those months after, repairing his relationship with Lilly, regaining his colleagues' respect.

After Christina, Scotty found himself spending the next two years just watching Lilly. Watching her get her heart broken, over and over again. First there was George, and Scotty had looked on helplessly as Lilly stood with her back to them, painstaking reconstructing emotional walls. He'd wanted to scream when she turned around wearing an impenetrable mask, and if it wasn't for Stillman's hand on his shoulder, reminding him of who he was and where he was, he may have.

And then there had been Ray, whom Lilly hadn't heard from since she said goodbye to him all those years ago. Scotty knew that Lilly had chosen to let go of that relationship, but he also knew that it stung when Ray seemed to have forgotten about her completely. And then Joseph. Scotty had had to watch as Lilly risked her career for him, and though he didn't know how exactly their relationship ended, he knew from the hollow look on her face the next day that it'd hurt her.

All that time, watching her get hurt, Scotty's heart had ached right alongside hers, but being just a coworker, he hadn't been able to do anything. That, Scotty realized is what made the past week and a half so great. Along with the laughing, the sex, the cooking, the just being with her and finally admitting his feelings, he'd been given the power to help her. And when they'd stumbled, he was allowed to hold her like he never had been before.

Although, he really hadn't been able to admit all his feelings. He grinned ruefully. There were still the three words, the ones he was just too scared to say to a woman like Lilly. With Elisa, the only other serious relationship in his life, it'd been easy. They'd known each other since they were fourteen, and 'I love you' was something they could say everyday since they'd officially been allowed to start dating at sixteen. With Lilly though, everything was different. If he blurted it, there was the very real possibility that she would get scared, pull her usual mask into place and turn around without thinking twice. Scotty knew he had to do this right, but the thought of one day waking up to her, and mumbling how much he loved her, well damn, it brought a smile to his face.

Still smiling to himself, Scotty turned off the water, which by now had run cold, and pulled back the shower curtain… to find Lilly Rush leaning nonchalantly against the sink.

"Lil!" He yelped, quickly pulling a towel around himself.

Lilly rolled her eyes, "seen it." She said, a teasing grin playing at her lips. "We're gonna be late you know?"

"No _I'm _gonna be late." Scotty cursed quietly and reached for his razor, performing his usual bathroom routine as Lilly, wearing only one of his old t-shirts, peppered him with questions.

Lilly ignored his response and continued, "How am I supposed to get my clothes from my house, and then get to work on time, Scotty?"

"You're _supposed_ to get some rest," Scotty replied around a mouthful of toothpaste. Arguing with Lilly was difficult in the best of times, but damn near impossible this early in the morning, when he was late for work.

"I'm sure Boss won't mind." She said, jumping off the bathroom sink and following him into the closet.

"Uh, yeah he will." Scotty said incredulously. He surveyed his closet floor, trying to locate a pair of clean socks as he yanked a white button down shirt off the hanger and put it on over his t-shirt.

"What am I supposed to do at home, Scotty?" Lilly asked quietly. She looped his favorite tie around his neck, buttoning up the top button of his shirt and expertly tying his tie. She sighed as she smoothed her hands over his shoulders, tilting her head upwards to look into his eyes. _C'mon Scotty…_ she thought.

Immediately, Scotty's resolve was shaken and he wanted more than anything to stay home and keep her company. He wasn't budging though. He knew that if he let her go into work, she'd work too hard, overcompensate, get incredibly grouchy… and well, that wasn't good for anyone. He sighed, stepped out from under her hands and said, "You could do laundry, clean your house, watch TV, or, you know Lil, normal people would sleep." He tilted his head sideways and grinned, before doing up his work pants and heading for the kitchen.

Lilly followed, practically jogging to keep up. "Scotty! You can't leave me here!" She yelled after him, voice tinged with a hint of panic.

Scotty turned around, inserted a donut into her mouth from the box in his fridge, and threw her coat around her shoulders. "I'm not. I'm gonna drive you home." He reasoned, before putting on his own jacket.

"And leave me there?" She asked around her mouthful of donut.

Scotty grinned at her. She looked so adorable, a frown coloring her brow and donut crumbs on her chin. He stepped towards her and leaned his forehead on hers. Brushing the donut crumbs off her chin and simultaneously sweeping his thumb over her cheek, he said, "I'll be back before you know it."

* * *

An hour later, Scotty was stepping out of the elevator and into the busy Homicide bullpen, while shaking the snow off of his hair. Somehow, he'd managed to drive Lilly home and make it here while everyone was still getting their morning coffee. That, he told himself, was definitely worth congratulations.

"Mornin'." Scotty said, as he reached around Kat Miller to pour himself a cup of coffee.

"How's Lil?" She immediately asked.

Scotty rolled his eyes, "How do you think she is?" He replied darkly, "Pissed that Boss decided she needs rest."

Before Kat could reply, Lieutenant Stillman entered the room and caught the end of their conversation. "It's for her own good." He said tiredly, stirring his coffee, and giving Scotty and Kat a meaningful look.

"Didn't see you there Boss." And then Scotty added as an afterthought, "Lil called me to complain this mornin'. Haven't seen her since I drove her home from the hospital.", hoping it would answer any unasked questions, and at the same time erase any suspicion.

Stillman nodded, muttered something about a mountain of paperwork and left the room. Kat chuckled.

"You got somethin' to say, Miller?" Scotty asked, as soon as their boss was out of earshot.

She feigned innocence, glanced around to make sure they were alone, and said "Keep that up and the whole department's gonna know you're bangin' her."

Scotty was shocked by her language. She of all people should know that what he and Lilly had went past just 'bangin''. He racked his brains for a response, and decided the truth would be the best. "It ain't just sex." He said quietly.

"Sure," Kat replied, a smile plastered on her face, "Casanova." She added with a smile.

Scotty's sputter of indignation was lost in Vera's gravelly voice, added to the cacophony of this morning. "Who's Casanova?" He asked curiously.

"Valens." Kat replied automatically.

Scotty tossed a foam cup at Kat's head, but she caught it expertly and looked at him teasingly, "I just tell it like it is."

Vera gave Scotty an impressed look, "This the same chick from a couple of weeks ago?" In his mind he saw Scotty, coming into the office late, all ruffled hair and excuses.

"Yeah." Scotty admitted reluctantly.

"What's she like?" Vera pressed.

"She's great." Scotty said shortly, hoping that would bring an end to the conversation.

"You bringin' her to First Thursday's this week?" Vera inquired further.

Scotty's heart skipped a beat. "Nah. Don't want her to get the wrong idea. Meetin' the friends is like, meetin' the family."

Vera nodded wisely, "Chicks get _way_ too serious too fast."

Kat reached over and delivered a sharp smack to the back of the head. "Ow…" he groaned, "What the hell?"

"I refuse to let you simplify my entire gender, just 'cause the women you been datin' have a tendency to be clingy." She said simply.

Vera mumbled something about hormones, and what time of month it was, and he probably would've said more had Kat not shot him her best 'Keep Talkin' and See What Happens' look and he decided the best course of action would be to leave the room. That left Scotty and Kat alone in the break room once again.

Relieved, Scotty slumped against the counter and raked a hand through his hair, "What the hell did you do that for?" He demanded angrily.

"Hey," Kat protested, "You ain't lettin' me tell him its Lil, you gotta let me have some fun with it. Else, what would be the point in knowin'?"

Scotty rolled his eyes as she sauntered confidently out of the break room. This was going to be a long day.

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**Review please, if you have a second. **


	16. Look After You

**Sorry for the long delay in updating! I felt compelled to write a chapter like this, even though it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to. I hope you guys enjoy it anyways... I seem to flit between angst and fluff. I wonder why. Just so we all remember, we're picking up after Scotty spent a day at work and Lilly, one at home. Separate, ):  
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**Chapter title by The Fray**

**Disclaimer: You'd think people would've gotten the hint by now, chapter 16 and all, with regards to the ownership issues. I don't own anything, nothing, zilch. Such is life.

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**Chapter 16: Look After You**

Scotty knocked on Lilly's door that evening. He'd made through one day. One day without Lilly sitting across from him, to glance at whenever the paperwork got too tiresome, and drink in that beautiful smile that worked like coffee couldn't. Granted, his day had not been free from the merciless teasing of his colleagues, and the use of his new nickname, 'Casanova', which Scotty had a horrible suspicion he would have to get used to. But he'd made it through the day all the same, itching to see Lilly and praying she was still okay. Only four more days to go, he told himself grimly.

He knocked a bit harder, and heard Lilly's shuffling footsteps, followed by the click of a latch. She opened the door a crack, and leaned against the door frame so that all Scotty could see was her face.

"Lil…" Scotty's voice was barely above a whisper and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She looked terrible, like she hadn't slept in days, and Scotty knew that the tough front she'd put on for the past few days had completely crumbled during his absence. Silently, he cursed himself for allowing this to happen.

"Scotty." Lilly began, closing her eyes for a second. "I'm not feeling very fun, or showered… maybe you could come over another night?"

"Let me take care of you?" Scotty implored.

"You don't have to do that." Lilly said softly.

"I want to." He replied, without missing a beat.

Gingerly, Scotty pried Lilly's fingers away from the door and opened it so that he could enter her house. When she didn't resist, he pushed the door closed with his foot, and guided her shaky steps over to the couch, where she probably spent most of the day, as evidence by the crumpled blanket, and misshapen pillows. He tucked the blanket under her chin, and sat on the edge of the sofa, waiting for her to speak.

"I have a headache." Lilly whispered, "And I think maybe a fever."

Scotty pressed a hand to her forehead, and was shocked by how hot it was. "This is how you're supposed to be feelin'." He said gently, "After what happened to you. You have a concussion." He reminded her.

In a way, Scotty knew that he was reminding himself as well. Lilly was waiting on a hospital visit, a bandage on her wrist, and bruises that were not yet faded. Silently, Scotty cursed himself again for allowing himself to be fooled by Lilly's façade, even taking her word for being 'fine' and spending the day on the chilly streets of the city yesterday.

"I know." She said, a tear slipping out beneath her eyelid, "I just… don't want you see me like this."

Crouching down so that his eyes were level with hers, Scotty said, "You ain't gotta be pretendin' for me, Lil. I wanna take of you. 'Sides, it's what boyfriends are for." He finished with a grin.

"Really?" Lilly asked, part sarcasm, part pure wonder at how sweet he was being.

"Yeah, Lil." He took her hand. "Everything. The good and the bad right?"

If Lilly had a response, it was lost in a soft snore as she fell asleep, clinging to his hand. Scotty stared in wonder at this first hint of how vulnerable Lilly was since the day of the incident. He pressed the back of her hand to his cheek, not releasing her delicate fingers, hoping that somehow, in her unconscious state, she would glean the fact that he was still there. _I ain't goin' nowhere._ He thought to himself, and when his fingers started turning numb, and his knees ached from his position, crouched in front of the sofa, he didn't let go.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Lilly woke up to find Scotty asleep on the floor, their fingers still intertwined. Despite the piercing pain in her head that made every movement and every light magnified, and the growing ache that seemed to have seeped deep into her bones, she smiled slightly.

Scotty awoke as soon as she stirred, getting to his knees to look her in the eyes. "Lil? You okay? Does it hurt?"

Lilly shut her eyes against his loud voice. He meant well, sure, but God, did the man have to talk so loudly? "If by _it_, you mean my entire body, then… yes."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, and lifting himself up slowly to his feet, Scotty said, "I'll be right back, okay?"

Scotty walked into Lilly's kitchen. He had enough experience with Lilly's stock of food by now to know not to expect anything useful. Instead of wasting time sifting through her old take out, he immediately picked up the phone.

As he listened to the phone ringing softly in his ear, Scotty scrubbed a hand through his closely cropped hair. He didn't want to leave. He told Lilly he wouldn't leave. That left only one option.

"Miller?" Scotty whispered, holding a hand over his mouth to speak as quietly as possible. God forbid Lilly find out what he was up to.

"_Valens? Ain't you supposed to be spendin' some quality couple time with Lil?" _

"I need you to run a prescription, and pick up some soup for her."

"_Your car suddenly break down or somethin'?"_

Scotty sighed, he knew that reaching out to Kat for help meant taking some of her skeptic teasing.

"I can't leave, Kat. She needs me." Even from across the phone, Kat could hear the quiet desperation in his plaintive voice. The use of her first name, which always meant something personal for Scotty, convinced her to agree.

"_I'll be at Lil's in 10, dollface."_

"Thanks Kat. Oh, and Lil might be sleepin' so don't ring the doorbell, call me or somethin' when you get here, okay?" Scotty snapped his phone shut and made his way back into the living room to find Lilly sitting up in her couch, staring straight ahead. Careful not to disturb the bundle of blankets around her, and the two cats that had settled protectively by her feet, Scotty lowered himself next to her and slid an arm around her shoulders.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Lilly finally spoke.

"When I was little, and bad things would happen," Lilly began in a small voice. "We, me and Chris, we'd just pretend it didn't. 'Cause whatever was happening, it wasn't worth bothering our mom on the other side of the door, with her booze. Just stand up. Brush it off, y'know?"

From the corner of her eye, she could sense Scotty tense, feel his hold on her tighten just a bit, and see the muscle twitching in his jaw as he worked through her sudden admissions.

Scotty, for his part, was shocked. He'd always wanted Lilly to open to him. He'd watched her keep her past and her private life all closed off from the people around her, and inwardly, he'd hoped for years she'd find someone to confide in, hoped that that someone would end up being him. Now that she was though, now that years of pain had been concentrated into one short sentence and laid out before him, Scotty found that he didn't know what to say.

"Sorry you had to stand up on your own." He said hesitantly.

"Yeah." Lilly said, casting her eyes back to the wall across from her and settling deeper into his embrace. "Me too."

Lilly was glad he hadn't said more, that he hadn't tried to deny or explain away her past, the way he had the first time she'd tried to spill her guts to him, that cold night after one of their first cases. They were silent, both lost in their own maelstrom of thoughts, until Lilly spoke again.

"Point was, I'm… not sure how this is supposed to work. This whole, take your hand and you'll pull me up sort of thing."

At this Scotty smiled, this he could handle. This wasn't the cold as ice Lilly, with steel walls ten feet high that collided all too often with his bull in a china shop routine. Nor was this the broken, wounded, child Lilly, who still sometimes had a firm hold on the adult version of her. This was just Lilly. Plain, simple, honest, open Lilly. Everything he loved about her, all rolled into one and out in the open.

"I know." Scotty said, "You just ain't used to leanin' on people who care about you."

"Exactly." Lilly sighed in relief at how well he'd understood her.

"'Cause no one's been there before."

Lilly only nodded again.

Shifting so that he could look into her eyes, affirm for her that what he was about to say was true, and gauge her reaction by her expression, Scotty spoke with a quiet conviction.

"I promise Lil, I'm always gonna be here for you, no matter what. I'll be your someone to lean on, whatever you need, whenever you need it. And, whatever happens, we'll get through it - together." He finished with a smile.

Lilly could feel tears well up in her eyes. His words were cliché, they were childish, they were way too optimistic for a couple like them, and they were… just what she needed to hear, just what she needed to put aside the thoughts that'd been circling her semi-conscious, semi-delusional mind since opening the door to find Scotty standing on her porch earlier that night.

"Ok."

* * *

They hadn't talked much after that. Lilly's fever had risen back up and as she flitted between too cold and too hot, Scotty had scrambled about, changing the thermostat, getting more blankets, filling cups with ice… anything to make her feel better. Finally, she fell into a fitful sleep and Scotty allowed himself a moment of rest. Collapsing on the couch, and simultaneously hating himself for dragging her around town yesterday, which had most likely - no definitely - caused her fever in her already susceptible state, Scotty raked a hand through his hair. Rather than go down that familiar road of self loathing, he decided to check his phone.

_8 Missed Alerts._ What? Wait, what the hell? Scotty scrolled through the 8 text messages sent in the past half hour, all from the same number. The same, vaguely familiar number that sent dread right to the pit of his stomach.

Kat Miller.

Oh shit.

Scotty read the first few messages.

_- Scotty, I'm outside Lil's place. -Kat_

_- You fall asleep or somethin'? I have food and medicine. You better be out here in the next five minutes, it's freakin' freezing. _

_- VALENS! When I get my hands on you, you're gonna wish your Latin ass was never born._

_- BTW, that last message was NOT a joke._

And they only got worse from there. The dread coiling in his stomach tightened into a knot as Scotty leapt from his seat on the couch and threw open the door. Careful as to not slam the door behind him, Scotty shivered in his t-shirt as he bounded down the stairs, just in time to see a furious woman slam the door to her car and stalk aggressively toward him.

"I can explain-" Scotty began, throwing his hand in front of him to, hopefully, hold back some of the anger emanating from none other than Kat Miller.

"Good, 'cause you got five seconds to start before I decide to shove this entire bottle of cold medicine I got down your sorry throat." She interjected, waving a paper bag at him. "I'm sure V would alibi me when they find your corpse."

Scotty was temporarily distracted and looked behind Kat to see a small girl of about 6 or 7 years old, peeking out from the backseat of the car. Instantly, he was sincerely sorry for interrupting a night she could have shared with her daughter. When Kat snapped her fingers in his face however, he decided, survival first, compassion later.

"My phone was on silent, and Lil and I got distracted." He said haltingly, wondering what the best explanation would be.

"Oh, you nasty… I don't even wanna… Do you think I'm interested…" each of Kat's unfinished sentences was punctuated by the swinging of the paper bag in her hand landing sharp blows on Scotty's head.

"No, not that kind of distracted." Scotty quickly explained, wrenching the bag out of her hand so as not to do any more damage to the medicine inside. Or him. "We were just talkin'."

Seeing the sincerity in his eyes, and noting the slight desperation to make her understand, Kat sighed. "The things I do for you people…" She muttered mutinously.

"Hey Uncle Scotty!" The enthusiastic voice of Veronica Miller rang out in the night. She'd obviously seen her mother's anger deflate, and upon deciding that it was safe to come out, didn't want to miss out on the fun.

"Veronica! You're gettin' so big." He replied with a grin, glad to take his attention away from the still seething woman beside him for a few seconds.

"Yeah. I'm 6 you know." Scotty laughed at her irritated reply, paired with the 'Grown Up Are So Stupid' look that she could pull off like nobody's business. When Veronica leaned a hand against her hip and tilted her six year old head at Scotty, he knew, she was indeed Miller's daughter. "Anyways, mom says Aunt Lilly is sick," Veronica continued, obviously demanding a explanation for why she was here, and not at home.

"Huh? Oh, yeah she is." Scotty replied, unable to stop himself from picturing the adorable, dear-in-the-headlights look Lilly would be sure to get upon hearing herself loving christened 'Aunt Lilly'.

"Well, I hope she feels better." Veronica said sweetly, handing Scotty a take out bag she'd hidden behind her back, presumably containing the soup he'd asked for, now that she'd decided he was worthy of it. Taking her mother's hand and beginning to lead her back to car, Veronica called back to a bemused Scotty, "We have to go, 'Arthur' is starting soon, but mommy hopes Aunt Lilly will feel better too, she just doesn't show it." She finished wisely.

Before allowing herself to be led away, Kat turned and shot Scotty one last lethal glare, letting him know in no uncertain terms that he owed her, big time, probably in the form of one of those 500 calorie coffee concoctions that she ate with a spoon.

"Uh, bye." Scotty called, a huge grin plastered on his face. Shaking his head with amusement, Scotty turned and made his way back into Lilly's house.

* * *

"Where did you go?" Lilly demanded, as soon as Scotty shut the door behind him. Upon waking a few minutes ago, without Scotty next to her, she'd stood up, taking the comforter with her and was now standing in the doorway.

"I…" Scotty was temporarily shocked into silence by the plaintive neediness in her voice that she'd never used before. Helplessly, he held up the bag containing her soup. "Thought you could use some real food."

He reached out and touched her forehead, and to his amazement, found it no more heated than his own. "You're…" _talking coherently, standing up, beautiful._ "… fever's gone." He finished.

Lilly's smile softened immediately, and she leaned forward to snake both her arms around his waist, the blanket dropping to the floor around their feet. "I thought you left…" She trailed off.

Scotty reached around her to put down the food and medicine still clutched in his hand before returning her embrace. "I promised I'd take care of you remember? Least I can do, seein' as it _is _my fault."

At this Lilly's eyes opened, even in her current state, she was aware of Scotty's self-incriminating tendencies, and she was determined to prevent him from going down that road, "What's your fault?" She asked sharply.

"I just meant that traipsin' all 'round town yesterday probably wasn't the best of ideas." He said, smiling sheepishly as he pulled back a little to look at her.

"Hey, that was the most fun I had in a long time." She informed him happily.

"The most fun, huh?" Scotty asked devilishly, planting a kiss on the corner of her mouth, and continuing to blaze a trail of heat down her neck, across her collar bone… trying to remind of her of some other _fun_ things they'd done recently.

"Okay, so not the most fun." Lilly admitted breathlessly.

Point made, Scotty stopped his gentle assault her senses. "Oh, and sleepin' on my kitchen floor last night probably didn't help matters either." He continued.

Lilly was confused. "I woke up in your bed."

"Yeah, after I carried you there. We spent the night on the floor." He confirmed with a slight grin.

Lilly collapsed back on the couch and groaned, "No wonder my back was killin' me."

Scotty chuckled ruefully. "Let me make it up to you?" He said, as he swept some blond hair back from Lilly's forehead.

"Okay."

* * *

**:D, Scotty can be so cute when he wants to be, am I right? And Kat can be so funny. I'm not sure how old Veronica is, but I'm sure that by the end of the series she was at least a teenager. Let's pretend, for the sake of the story, that's she's six though, 'cause I don't think I could've pulled off that conversation if V was a 13 year old. **

**As always, thanks for reading, and please leave me a little review if you get a second. It's not hard, really. :)  
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	17. If I Didn't Know Any Better

**I know! I know, it's been a little while, but I had some serious writer's block with this one, not to mention the two other stories I have going. I promise though, I will update _at least_ once a week, hopefully twice. Here, we skip ahead to the end of Lilly's resting at home... This chapter... some drama, some fluff, some set-up for the next few chapters... anyways I hope you enjoy it. Chapter title by Alison Krauss

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**Chapter 17: If I Didn't Know Any Better**

The rest of the week passed without a hitch. Scotty, having made an excuse to take Thursday off spent the day on Lilly's couch, just watching old movies and making a mess of the carpet with their snacks. On Monday morning the next week, Lilly was dressed and ready to leave well ahead of time. Stitches gone, bruises faded, sprained wrist mostly healed… she was eager to get back to work and thoroughly bored of the four walls of her house.

"Scotty, hurry up," she called upstairs. Lilly spun on her heel, tapping her watch impatiently at the foot of the stairs. As much as sitting still and waiting wasn't Scotty's method of operation, it sure as hell wasn't hers either. This past week, sitting at home while the others worked late into the night, compiling evidence for the lawyers who would prosecute Wayne Simms, amounted to Lilly beginning to feel utterly useless.

A groan, followed by shuffling footsteps, led to Scotty's feet appearing at the top of the stairs. "Lil, we don't gotta be at work for another hour." He complained, rubbing his bleary eyes. He admired Lilly's dedication, he really did, but it was Monday morning Goddamnit, where did that woman get this sort of energy? Especially after their, rather late, night.

As Scotty made his way toward the shower, he heard Lilly's exasperated sigh as she stomped up the stairs. Without a second thought, she opened the door to the bathroom, crossing her arms and talking to her boyfriend through the whoosh of the water.

"It's my first day back Scotty." She began, "I've been sitting at home for the past week-"

"It's called rest Lil," Scotty teased, pulling back the shower curtain to grin at her, and shake some of his wet hair at her. "We been through this before."

"Scotty," she protested, throwing her hands out to protect her freshly ironed clothes from the soapy water. "And I don't need rest." She countered, raising her chin and regarding him through the shower curtain with her best gloating look.

"Yeah, that ain't what I picked up from last week." Scotty said, "if I'm rememberin' correctly, someone spent the entire night eatin' soup and screamin' at me to get more blankets."

When Lilly was silent, Scotty decided to let that one go. With her, silence, combined with a lack of a sarcastic retort, was enough of a victory. He poked his head out of the shower again, "Y'know, since you're just sittin' there, lookin' bored an' all. You could come in here and join me, much more fun." He finished with a lascivious raise of an eyebrow.

Lilly couldn't help the wide smile that spread across her face, and when she shrugged off her shirt, Scotty had to suppress the urge to say the words out loud. 'I love you'. Three words that would change everything between them in an instant. He knew it was jumping the gun, that he and Lilly had only been dating two weeks, that she'd likely freak out if he said anything, but he found, to his chagrin, himself wanting to say the words anyway. He bit his tongue, trying again to stop himself from saying anything that would send her running from the hills, and when she joined him in the shower, Scotty found himself way too distracted to continue pondering the matter anyways.

* * *

"Lilly!" Vera's loud, booming voice greeted her as soon as she stepped off the elevator into the busy bullpen. Before she could sidestep him, she found herself swept into an uncharacteristically enthusiastic Nick Vera Bear Hug.

"You better let go of her before you squish all the air out," Kat said, greeting her with an equally enthusiastic, though less crushing embrace.

"Nice to see you guys too," Lilly said wearily.

"Where's Casanova?" Kat asked, looking behind her, expecting to see Scotty trailing protectively, and sure enough…

"Coffee, your highness." Scotty offered, sharing a cryptic smile with Kat, "figured I owe you this much."

"You got that right, dollface." Kat said, appreciatively taking her coffee and returning his smile with an equally mysterious, teasing grin.

"Dollface? Casanova?" Lilly looked around, meeting each of the detective's eyes separately, wondering what she was missing.

"Didn't you hear?" Vera asked, "Valens here has got himself a girlfriend."

Lilly grinned, turning to Scotty with a knowing look on her face. "You do?" She asked. "I spent the car ride talking about my cats, when you could've been telling me about your new girl? What gives Valens?"

Scotty nodded sheepishly, "Ain't like it's any of their damn business." He countered, hoping to put an end to the conversation.

Lilly waved the file she picked up from her desk at Scotty, "Scotty Valens. Back in the saddle, sounds like everyone's business to me."

"Watch it, Rush." Scotty said. And indeed, if she kept pushing, and if Kat kept looking back and forth between them like she was, well Will and Vera weren't oblivious, and they were sure to figure it out soon. Thankfully, they were distracted by the arrival of Boss.

"Welcome back Lil." Stillman said, walking into the bullpen from his office to meet his detectives, "How's home life treatin' you?"

Lilly groaned, "Thanks a lot for that Boss. It was awful." She stated matter-of-factly.

Stillman shook his head in amusement, "Well you look a lot better, so I must have done something right." He reasoned.

"However better I look, that's all me, nothing to do with the week at home." Lilly argued.

"Uh-huh, I'm sure." Kat teased, but before she could continue making the blonde squirm with exactly what was making her look so happy, an anonymous delivery man entered the fray.

"Got a package for a Detective Lilly Rush." He said, carrying an innocuous cardboard box, covered in a colorful collection of postage stamps that got it here.

"That's me." Lilly volunteered, her brow furrowed with confusion. Who would be sending her a package? "Thanks." She said kindly to the deliver man. She signed his clipboard, took the surprisingly light package and carried it to her desk.

In a second, all her colleagues and Boss were standing around her. She passed the box behind her, letting them feel confusing box.

"What's in here, tissues?" Kat asked. She shook the box next to her ear, passing it back to Lilly with a shrug.

"Careful with that Lil." Boss warned, as she prepared to cut the box open.

Lilly laughed. "Yeah boss, cause there might be a bomb in here weighing less than a pillow." Without a second thought, she tore open the top, and was immediately both touched and surprised.

"I guess 'pillow' wasn't too far off." She whispered.

It was a teddy bear. It wasn't just any teddy bear though. It was a deep purple, felty teddy bear, stuffed just enough so that it wasn't too stiff, nor was it too floppy. The kind that was bigger than a new born baby and just as perfect to hug. Lilly lifted the bear out of the box, staring in wonder at its shiny eyes, perfectly stitched nose, and small mouth. It was the kind of thing she'd always wanted as a little kid, the kind of gift she always hoped for on Christmas morning, or on her birthday.

She had no doubt who it was from. In fact, Lilly could practically feel the self-satisfied energy emanating from her partner at her loss of words. She should tell him off for risking their secret, she knew she should, but he had no idea he knew her like he did, and that thought was so all consuming that she could think of nothing else.

It wasn't until Kat looked in the box that she saw something else; the card that went with the gift. Wordlessly, she handed Lilly the card. "Ain't you supposed to read this first?" She asked, an amused grin hopelessly plastered on her face.

Lilly opened the card, reading it allowed to her colleagues. "Lilly, you make me happier than I've been in a long time. Glad you're feeling better, thought this would make your first day back at work a bit more colorful. See you tonight." She looked up to find her colleagues all wearing similar grins, sincerely regretting her decision to read it out loud. She knew, she walked right into this one and she prepared for the interrogation of her life.

Vera broke the shocked silence, like Lilly knew he would. "Seems like Rush has got a love interest of her own." He said, around a mouthful of doughnut.

_Thank you, Vera, for stating the obvious._ Lilly thought, rolling her eyes and trying to hide the blush she could feel rising in her cheeks by leaning the teddy bear against her desk lamp and setting the card on her desk. She sat down in her chair, avoiding the curious glances and, for a lack of other files to study, looked lovingly at her new card. _Wrong move, Rush._

"Oh, you got it bad, Rush." Kat laughed. She crossed her arms and leaned back, sitting on Lilly's desk.

"Got what bad?" Lilly asked, feigning innocence.

Kat rolled her eyes. "It's a figure of speech, and it means, if I didn't know any better, you're fallin' in love, y'know, located the Romeo to your Juliet and all…"

"Kat!" Lilly yelled. She couldn't believe this. Kat Miller was the one person in the room who knew their secret, and therefore the one person she expected not to push this. If the mischievous grin Kat was wearing was any indication though, she was bound and determined to have some fun with this.

"Hey, you gave me no choice." Kat said defensively, "Wouldn't just accept the figure of speech, had to make me say it."

From across the desk, Kat met Will's eyes, and her own widened when she realized the word she'd just used. _Love._ She'd said it, she'd subconsciously lost the bet she and Will had set just a few days ago. _Damn it_. She griped inwardly, _Those two lovebirds just cost me a good box of doughnuts._ Tearing her eyes away from her smirking colleagues, Kat took a sip of her coffee, in the cardboard cup with the colorful logo splashed onto the side and smiled. She had one thing the others didn't though, an improvement on the office sludge.

Before Lilly could come up with a proper retort, Vera decided to add his own two cents. "You gonna tell us who it is? You know, the guy that's got your panties all in a bunch. I bet he's good in the sack."

"Yeah Lil." Scotty added, "You plannin' on spillin' who this mystery guy is? Cause it looks to me that he's a keeper." Scotty finished, glancing at her newly decorated desk and the remaining blush in her cheeks.

"Well, that remains to be seen." Lilly countered, watching with pleasure as the blood drained out of his face. When Scotty continued to look disappointed, Lilly thought maybe she'd gone too far, and hastily backtracked. "But yeah." She added, "He's… one of the good ones."

Scotty smiled in relief, and then looked around to make sure no one else noticed. When he saw the curious glances darting from him to Lilly though, he decided the best course of action would be to retreat into the break room. He muttered something about getting coffee and hastily left the room.

As soon as Scotty left the room, Lilly leaned back with a sigh and fanned her flaming cheeks with a newspaper someone had dropped on her desk. How did the temperature in the precinct manage to shoot up in the past few minutes? Come to think of it, how did they go from talking about a harmless teddy bear, to-to… things that made her squirm in her seat and made unbidden memories swirl to the surface? All in all, she was glad for a brief reprieve from Scotty's smoldering glances and her colleague's curious stares.

She looked up again into the eyes of her new teddy bear and felt childish joy sweep over her in waves. Scotty, well he sure knew how to plan a surprise, she'd give him that much. She hadn't suspected a gift to be waiting for her at work, much less a gift of that nature. Flowers, chocolate, get well soon card, though sweet would have been predictable. Where Scotty got the harebrained idea to get a stuffed animal though, Lilly would never know.

Scotty was just like that, Lilly thought fondly. He was a curious mixture of the unpredictable, naïve, loyal, sappy, and romantic. Lilly used to think that she could read Scotty like a book. She used to believe so staunchly in her own detective skills and Scotty's tendency to wear his heart, not to mention every emotion that ran through it, proudly on his sleeve that it didn't come as a surprise when she discovered he was thinking exactly what she thought he was. But now, as Lilly studied Scotty in the break room, stirring his coffee and engaging in a conversation with Nick, she was surprised to discover how opaque his emotions had become to her.

Lilly twirled a pen in her fingers, sensing that something had changed in the two weeks since they'd first gotten together. Every so often, Scotty would look at her, tilt his head to the side as if he was pondering something pretty damn important, and then deflect any questions she asked about it. Briefly, Lilly entertained the idea that he was trying to find the right time to break up with her, but she quickly quashed the notion, which was most likely formulated by her relationship deprived brain. If Scotty wanted out of this, whatever this had become, he sure as hell would tell her, Lilly knew that much. Scotty couldn't keep anything bottled up. And besides, if dealing with her when she was sick, and Lilly knew she could be pretty irritable, and planning cute surprises like these was any indication, she and Scotty were still very much okay.

Deciding that the best course of action would be to focus on work, at least for the next few hours, Lilly allowed herself to admire her new teddy bear, whatever it implied falling by the wayside.

* * *

Lilly groaned and sat back in her seat a few hours later. Having spent the better part of the morning and afternoon catching up on paperwork, save for a few bathroom breaks, she was more than ready to go home.

"You guys could've warned me about all this." She gestured helplessly at the mountain of files still waiting for her to dot, cross, and sign. "I feel like a damn secretary."

Vera couldn't help but laugh at the blond detective's irritated mood, "We spent all last week doin' this, plus there was that ADA breathin' down our necks, so stop complainin'."

Lilly glared at him, before returning her attention to her paperwork. Vaguely, she was aware of Miller and Vera fighting over Chinese food, specifically whether or not Nick was allowed to share Kat's as per family style. Inwardly, she was glad that no one liked sesame noodles but her. As much as she was complaining about being stuck at her desk all day, the camaraderie of simply being among her friends again, playfully teasing and complaining, did wonders for her mood. Along with Vera and Miller's bantering, Scotty could be heard placating his mother on the phone, presumably having missed another family gathering. Will had begged out of work early for Miles Davis night at whatever place he hung out without them and Boss was in his office, talking seriously on the phone. Lilly sighed contentedly.

When Lieutenant Stillman walked out of his office twenty minutes later, it was with a heavy heart and a furrowed brow. His detectives looked up from their respective duties, content smiles still frozen on their faces, and immediately sensed the fact that bad news was coming.

"Somethin' wrong Boss?" Scotty asked with concern, immediately hovering protectively behind Lilly. He resisted the urge to put a hand on her shoulder and caress those tense muscles.

"Got a call from the federal penitentiary," Stillman began haltingly. "It's where Simms was serving out his life sentence."

"_Was_?" Lilly asked, immediately picking up on the operative word of the sentence. She sat up straighter in her chair and Scotty gave in to the urge to put his hand on her shoulder. His firm contact brought her spiraling thoughts back down to earth and she ordered her frantic heart to calm down.

"He broke out tonight. At exactly 7:34 PM, Wayne Simms was no longer an inmate with the Department of Corrections. He's now a fugitive."

* * *

***Gasp* Oh, no. How will our lovely detectives deal with this? I'm thinking they're not gonna take it lying down though. **

**P.S. I have a teddy bear like that. I'd love getting another one of those, *hint hint* hubby, I think it's the sweetest gift ever.  
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**As always, review please :) You guys are awesome. **


	18. Crash And Burn

**So are you guys still reading this one? I ask because a few of my 'regulars' didn't review the last chapter. Kind of makes me sad that though my other stories are doing okay, this one's losing interest. So if you're still out there, lemme know okay? Well, on with the story. Chapter title by Savage Garden. **

**Disclaimer: I have three cats. Three very beautiful cats that I love to bits. None of them are Lilly's cats though. :( so I guess I'm trying to say I don't own Cold Case. I also have a dog... but that's besides the point.

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**Chapter 18:** **Crash And Burn**

"How could something like this happen?" Scotty yelled at no one in particular, slamming his hands down on Lilly's desk. Of all the people who could have escaped. Him? Of all the doers they'd put away… it had to be him. Scotty felt the anger bubble up in his throat until it was taking all of his, admittedly limited, will power to keep himself from running headfirst into the wall in frustration.

Lilly chanced a glance up at Scotty, knowing he was too caught up in his own emotions to pay attention to her. She turned to her other, calmer colleagues. "Are the feds on this?"

Stillman nodded in confirmation, pursing his lips into a straight line and trying to conceal his own frustration.

"What can we do?" Kat asked in concern.

"Wouldn't have to do anything, if the damn guards weren't sittin' on their asses all day." Scotty spat bitterly. "Now we gotta go clean up their mess?"

"Hey-" Vera began, trying to diffuse the situation and quell his younger colleague's anger, but Scotty cut him off before he could finish.

"Hey what, Nicky?" Scotty asked rhetorically. He began pacing back and forth, as though trying to wear a hole in the floor of the bullpen. "It ain't supposed to be like this!" He exploded, throwing his hands up in the air.

When the rest of the team remained silent, he sighed, ran a hand through his hair and looked wildly toward the exit. "I gotta get… some air or somethin'"

He made a beeline for the door, but Scotty soon found his way blocked by none other than Will Jeffries, who'd so far remained silent in the face of this new information.

"Move." Scotty demanded.

Jeffries ignored him. "None of us like this any more than you do, Scotty. But it happened. The question is are you going to stand around pointing fingers, or help put this guy back where he belongs."

Scotty continued to glare at him, and the whole room remained in tense silence for a few more seconds… until Scotty's anger bled out of him and he collapsed into a chair, burying his head in his hands.

Boss sighed. "Until there's a sighting, there isn't anything we can do. But Lil, you can't go home." He said regretfully.

Lilly's head snapped up. "Why the hell not?" She asked angrily.

"His attack on you is what convinced the judge to give him the maximum sentence." Stillman began. "The feds have the idea that…that…" He trailed off.

"That he might try and kill me." Lilly finished quietly.

The silence that descended upon the five of them was tense. No one wanted to break it for fear of unleashing the turmoil of emotion swirling just beneath the surface. Finally, Lilly looked up and spoke.

"Where should I go then?"

At this, Scotty finally raised his head and stood up. He rolled his chair over next to Lilly's and turned it around so that the chair's back was facing everyone else. He'd promised her. He'd promised that she'd never have to stand on her own anymore and he was going to keep that promise if it was the last thing he did. He reached over and took her hand, clasping it tightly and caressing her skin, all the while hiding his actions behind the chair, away from everyone's prying eyes. At the small smile she gave him, Scotty felt elated.

"Until we know where he is and what he's doing, the safest place is going to be right here." Stillman said and everyone nodded in agreement.

Pushing the temporary vulnerability out of her mind, Lilly took her hand back and stood up and spoke with a tone that clearly indicated she was taking charge, "Well, there's no use in everyone being here. It's late. You should all just, go home and get some sleep."

At their disbelieving eyes, Lilly added, "I'll be fine. Precinct never closes, there'll be people." She said, trying to reassure herself and everyone else.

"I'll stay." Scotty immediately volunteered. And to his relief, no one protested. No one questioned his intentions or his reasons. He supposed they all attributed it to partnerly concern, well all of them except for Kat, and decided to let it slide.

The others nodded, but none of them made a move for the door. It was late, and once again the entire team found themselves frozen in the precinct, unable to move. "Well, don't just stand there." Lilly encouraged softly. "Go on, get outta here." She forced a smile to her face, one that hopefully, would convince them she was perfectly okay.

Stillman nodded, reaching for his coat and indicating that everyone else follow his lead. They were reluctant, but eventually, only their Boss remained in the bullpen.

"Boss?" Scotty said, tearing his eyes away from Lilly.

Stillman turned around on his way out, glad to see that the anger was completely gone from Scotty's voice, and the calmer, rational, detective side had taken charge. "Yeah, Scotty?"

"The second you hear somethin'," Scotty began.

"I'll let you know." Stillman finished, nodding in confirmation.

* * *

It was a few hours later that Lilly realized Scotty was swallowing more anger than he initially displayed. As she looked out the window from the break room, having just finished getting her fourth cup of coffee. Scotty was still staring mutinously at the phone, every so often glancing down to fill out a line of whatever report he was doing, with unnecessary force, as though the paper had done him a personal disservice. Lilly sighed. She really didn't want to go back out there, not to the silence that had descended uncomfortably between them.

Wasn't Scotty supposed to be the one who wanted to talk? In her experience, Scotty was always the one who wanted a confrontation, wanted to discuss things to death, until they got to the bottom of everything. Lilly had been the deflector, the silent one, the expert at the cold shoulder. That was the situation she was used to, and she was damn good at dealing with it, thank you very much. But for Scotty to be brooding, not talking to her, that she didn't know how to deal with. And, frankly, it worried her more than a little bit.

Swallowing her trepidation and carrying her coffee back to the bullpen, she sat in her desk, which was placed conveniently opposite from Scotty's. If he saw her sit down, he made no move to confirm it. Instead, his pen descended on the paper with such force that it punctured a hole right through. He swore, sweeping aside the page and reaching for another.

"Scotty?" Lilly said tentatively, hoping she would break through that dark cloud hanging over his head with just her voice.

No such luck. Scotty gave no indication that he'd heard her, just ruined his second sheet of paper and wordlessly dropped it into the trash.

"Would you just say something please?" Lilly burst out in exasperation, almost knocking over her coffee in the process.

Scotty rubbed his hands over his face, "What the hell do you want me to say?" He demanded.

"Well, I dunno, Maybe something that tells me you aren't pissed off at me?" Lilly shot back, anger permeating her own voice.

Scotty's brow furrowed in confusion. "What?" He looked at her, "What are you talkin' about? I ain't- it's not you that I'm mad at."

"Really." Lilly replied icily, "Cause you're doing a damn fine job making me believe you are."

"Well, sorry." Scotty said shortly.

"Don't be sorry." Lilly demanded. "Just, you know, explain, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Scotty almost laughed out loud. "What's wrong with me? Better question is what's wrong with _you?_ Some psychopath is out to kill you and you ain't even worried? Don't you care?"

She hadn't expected him to turn her own words on her, and she had to admit his words stung, more than she expected them to, but she'd be damned if Scotty would be allowed to see that. "Of course I do." She said, looking away.

"Really?" It was Scotty's turn to question her sarcastically. "Cause you had me fooled Lil. I can barely see you under there." He stood up, tossing his pen on his table and resting his hands on his hips.

"Under where?" Lilly demanded angrily. She stood up to meet his gaze, folding her arms protectively over her chest.

"Those damn walls!" Scotty burst out roughly. "Ever since they left, all you been doin' is chuggin' coffee, like it's any other day."

Lilly stepped back, as though trying to distance herself from his words, and what he was trying to tell her. She'd wanted him to talk to her, definitely. But not about this. They were supposed to talk about him, not her. She was the interrogator, he was the suspect, not the other way around. Damn it, she thought, this wasn't going well.

She blew out a breath, ran a hand through her hair and turned around, facing the windows instead of him. "I can't go home, Scotty." She said. "And if I wanna chug coffee, that's damn well what I'm gonna do."

"That's great, Lil. God bless." The anger was gone from his voice, and in its place was a deep sadness that made Lilly want to take him into her arms and never let go. Still, she didn't turn around, not wanting to see the same hollowness reflected in his eyes.

Lilly felt Scotty approach her from behind, closer and closer until she was sure he was right behind her. Scotty, for his part, felt frozen, his hands hovering hesitantly in the air around her arms, her waist, and he was aching to bury his face into the space between her shoulder and her chin. He sighed, and in a moment of courage, slipped his hands around her waist and pulled her back.

To his relief, Lilly offered no resistance, just leaned back into his chest and ran her hands along his. "I don't know what you want me to do." She said softly.

Scotty turned his head to kiss her neck, "I just want you to be happy."

"Then why are we fighting?" Lilly asked, studying their reflection in the window, and realizing how perfect it looked.

"No idea," Scotty chuckled.

"Maybe we should get some sleep?" Lilly suggested. She turned around in his arms and looped her arms around his neck. It was freeing, to be able to act like this in the office. She lifted her chin and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Break room couch looks comfortable." She said, with a sarcastic grin.

Scotty couldn't help the grin that crossed his face, "No kiddin', but I don't think Boss would like it much if he came in and found us on the couch together."

Lilly frowned at the idea of spending the night without him. She realized with a start of surprise that she hadn't spent a night on her own in over two weeks. They were always both at her apartment, sprawled on her big bed, or in his. For a moment, she was tempted to forget about the secret they'd been keeping, just to spend the night with him. But the more logical part of her brain told her that wasn't an option, not yet anyways.

The worry and frustration must have shown on her face, because all of a sudden Scotty was pulling her closer and kissing her brow to get rid of the frown. "You take the couch, I'll take the floor." He offered, "I'll be right there."

Lilly nodded.

* * *

The next morning, Scotty smoothed the wrinkles out of his clothes from the day before and poured himself a cup of coffee. He carried it out until the bullpen and found Kat, Nick, Will, and Boss, all sitting there, going through files.

"What time's it?" He asked blearily.

"Almost lunch." Nick replied with a grin. "Didn't want to wake you guys. Floor looked comfortable." He commented sarcastically.

Scotty groaned and stretched, his muscles choosing that time to remind him just how _comfortable_ the floor was. He plopped down into his chair, watching the swirls in his coffee.

Kat looked at him with a tilt of her head, "Rough night, dollface?" She asked.

Scotty looked from Nick to Kat, and then to Will, all of whom were wearing similar satisfied grins. He had no idea why they were all so cheerful, especially when he was feeling like crap.

"Somethin' funny I'm not gettin'?" He asked darkly, looking around the room.

"Lil's sleeping." Will replied, as if that answered all questions.

Scotty couldn't help the grin that crossed his face. Yes, Lilly was indeed sleeping, getting some well deserved, and long overdue rest. "She's gonna be pissed when she finds out you people didn't wake her." He remarked.

"Yeah, well." Vera shrugged, "We'll face the wicked witch when we have to."

"I hope you guys aren't talking about me." Lilly said, emerging from the break room, a blanket draped around her shoulders, her hair a tangled mess. "Because I may answer to Ice Queen, but I draw the line at Wicked Witch."

She pulled up her chair and joined the group, ignoring their amazed glances as seeing in such a state of disarray. All except Scotty, who saw her like this every morning. Wordlessly, Lilly reached over and took Scotty's coffee, taking a sip and grimacing.

"What the hell is this?" she asked him, shoving the coffee back to him with a look of disgust.

"It's coffee." Scotty replied reluctantly, taking a healthy gulp of the office coffee that, for some reason, didn't taste all that bad this morning.

"Are you sure?" Lilly asked suspiciously, "Because it tastes like syrup, laced with a bit of caffeine."

"I like sugar, so sue me." Scotty said with exasperation. He rolled his eyes and looked back toward the others. "What're you all lookin' at?" He asked defensively.

As Kat and Nick proceeded to inform him of his finicky coffee preferences and insufferable tendencies that would no doubt earn an equally snarky retort from Scotty, Stillman looked on with fondness. He didn't know when they'd become a family, but that is indeed what had happened in the past few years. From his place in the bullpen, he heard his desk phone ring and got up to answer it.

Immediately, all friendly banter in the room stopped, as the five detectives realized they were waiting on information, on their next move. Lilly was the first one out of her seat, and soon everyone was gathered outside of Boss's door. He motioned for them to get in, and shut the door behind them, before picking up the phone. The team listened to the one sided conversation with bated breath.

"Lieutenant Stillman… That's right…Where?... Well, do they know why?... I see… Okay, I understand… Yes, thank you…" He hung up the phone, all of his detectives quietly awaiting the news.

He sighed, "The FBI was clear. They don't need us on this, don't want us on this." He looked around, trying to impress upon them the finality of the fact, but when no one spoke, he realized his words much have fallen on deaf ears. "A debit card under his name was used this morning, surveillance camera outside the ATM confirms it…"

"Where is he?" Scotty burst out.

"Portland." Stillman replied quietly, "They think he's trying to escape to Canada."

There was a collective intake of breath, and Stillman felt, rather than heard the next question out of Lilly's mouth.

"Can we…" She began hesitantly, but Boss cut her off.

"No we can't, Rush. And that's the end of things. It's out of our control now." He snapped.

"But, Boss." Vera attempted a half hearted protest, knowing it wouldn't do much good, but feeling like he should give it a try anyways.

"We'd be interfering with a federal investigation." Stillman reasoned, "We're cops. We don't piss all over other's jurisdiction."

The rest of them stayed silent, no one daring to say anything more. Kat was the first one to turn around and leave the office. Scotty was the last, and was unable to stop himself from shutting the door a little bit harder than he probably should have. Will stayed behind.

"You sure this is wise John?" He asked the older detective.

"I'm sure this is the only thing we could do that would keep IAB off our asses," Stillman removed his glasses and surveyed Will, "You understand, I can't send them up there."

Will nodded, "Just hope they listen."

* * *

Vera, Kat, Lilly and Scotty all sat at their desks, heads bent and pretending to do paperwork, but really holding a whispered conversation.

"I don't freakin' believe this," Scotty seethed.

"Calm down, Casanova. You want Will and Boss to come out here?" Kat shot back.

Lilly glared at both of them.

"The more important issue is how we're gonna get to Portland." She reasoned. Vera gaped at her.

"You kiddin' me, Rush. After what Boss just said?"

"Lilly's right." Scotty said immediately, and Lilly sent him a small smile of appreciation. "No way we're lettin' him into Canada."

"The feds will do their jobs." Vera looked at Lilly and Scotty, knowing there was no use in arguing with them. Instead he focused on Kat, "You heard Boss, we're not needed there."

"Sorry Nick." Kat said apologetically. "But I'm with Casanova. I want this guy, and I want to bring him in."

Nick looked around helplessly, and then he whispered, as fiercely as her could, "Boss finds out, it's your asses, not mine."

"You in or not?" Lilly pressed.

Reluctantly, Vera nodded. "How are we gonna get there?"

Lilly leaned back in her chair, twirling her pen in her hand as though thinking hard about a case. She glanced into her boss's office, knowing there'd be hell to pay if they messed this up. "We'll use our lost hours." She whispered, "Let's leave tonight."

* * *

**Stillman's gonna be pissed, LOL. The next few chapters are full of action, so less Scotty/Lilly stuff, angst, fluff, or otherwise. I hope you guys aren't disappointed. I promise the Scotty/Lilly stuff will pick back up in a while.  
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**By the way, I checked, in the country I live, if you get sentenced to more than 2 years, you serve it in a federal institution, and therefore any escapes are dealt with by the federal police. Portland is also closer to Canada than Philadelphia is, so I figure that works out too. **

**Anyways, leave me a review please :). You see the button, you know you want to click it.  
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	19. Patience

**I've missed you guys! I know, I know, it's been a while. I do have an excuse though XD... I GOT MARRIED! Exciting, no? I know I am. Unfortunately that means I've neglected my stories for the past 2 weeks, but I'm working on updates for all of them... **

**Just gotta say, I've never gotten such a great response for one chapter as I did for the last one, so thanks for that :). Was it my heartfelt plea for reviews? Or the fact I left it for 2 weeks after? Anyways, love you guys and it would be _great_ to see that repeated, *hint hint*. Anyways, here's the next bit, I sort of went on a tangent halfway through and ended up somewhere completely different. I think you'll understand and I hope you like it. Chapter title by Take That. **

**Disclaimer: I have a slightly dusty house, mountains of wedding gifts to open, and a sore hand from all the typing as well as Thank-You-Card-Writing. I would _love_ to add Cold Case to the list of things I own. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening. Such is life.

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**Chapter 19: Patience**

That night, Lilly folded a change of clothing into her overnight bag and frowned. Portland was a good four to five hour drive away. Even with Scotty's tendency to completely disregard the speed limit, they would be arriving in the middle of the night. With Vera's frequent bathroom breaks and Kat's hourly donut and coffee stops, they may very likely be arriving in the morning. All of this, Lilly was perfectly okay with. It's not like they hadn't made all night drives to pick up doers, or dealt with their colleagues' quirks before. What she couldn't shake was the lingering feeling of guilt at abandoning Boss and Will.

"Scotty?" Lilly asked, turning to her boyfriend, who was currently hammering out an email explanation for why he was all of a sudden in need of a few days off.

He looked up, immediately sensing the worry in Lilly's voice. "What's up?" Scotty asked in concern.

Lilly put down the shirt she'd been folding away and perched next to him on the bed. He immediately closed his laptop and gave her his fullest attention. "Are we doing the right thing, Scotty?" Lilly asked timidly as she linked her arms through his and rested her head on his shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

Lilly sighed. "Boss is gonna be pissed, and he's gonna see right through this." She gestured to Scotty's discarded laptop. "Where did you tell him you were going anyway?"

Scotty grinned ruefully, "Said my sister's eloping, and needs a witness for her marriage." His heart warmed at the sound of her light laughter.

Lilly smiled against his shoulder, his cotton t-shirt soft against her cheek. "I was just thinking… Why are we going? I mean, it's not like we're going to be much help. You know as well as I do that the feds aren't gonna want a couple of Philly's detectives interfering. We'll probably get the cold shoulder the entire time."

Scotty kissed the top of her head, "Because he hurt you, and all of us wanna put him behind bars for good." He said simply. "And he hurt me too." He added.

"You?" Lilly raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah," Scotty said indignantly. "If the bastard hadn't broken out I wouldn't have had to spend the night on the floor yesterday. My back's still killin' me."

Lilly laughed out loud, and Scotty once again congratulated himself for cheering her up considerably. "I know a way we could take your mind off of that." She smirked suggestively and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, travelling up his neck, to the corner of his mouth.

Scotty groaned, but pushed her hands away regretfully. "We've gotta finish packing, and then pick up Vera and Miller from Miller's place."

Lilly sighed, work awaited, like usual.

* * *

Kat Miller sighed regretfully, having packed both her and Veronica's bags. She hated that her job took her away from her daughter for days at a time. Oh, V was well taken care of, Kat made damn sure of that, and when she couldn't be the one to do it, her mom, or her sister would… but it wasn't the same. Kat knew that having grandma, or auntie around, wasn't the same as mama, which is why the Wednesday night ballet classes were so carefully guarded. Sweet little niches of life that belonged to mother and daughter, and mother and daughter alone.

"Veronica?" Kat called down the stairs, carrying the packed bags with her. "C'mon baby, you're goin' to grandma's for a couple of days. Mama's gotta work…" She trailed off, having walked into her living room and been rendered speechless by the sight before her.

Veronica lay sleeping on the couch, snoring quietly and looking perfectly content… in the arms of none other than Nick Vera. That was a whole other thing. Nick Vera. In her house, and not for the first time either. Kat felt her heart soften at the sight of her daughter and her boyfriend. She sat down on the coffee table, facing them both, and trailed a hand down Nick's face, earning a quiet sniffle of contentment. She thought back to the first time she realized that, well Lilly had been right that time she said Nick only _looked_ like a Neanderthal.

It had been a cold December day, not unlike today, a year ago. At four in the afternoon, Veronica's afterschool daycare had lost power in the snowstorm. Kat's mother had been out of town, and her sister down with the flu. With plenty of work left to be done and nowhere else to turn, Kat had done the only thing she could think of, bring Veronica into the precinct, sit her down in a rolling chair and impress upon her the importance of staying out of trouble while mama went out on a interview. She'd left Veronica there with a pad of paper, and lacking pencil crayons, a variety of colored pens and highlighters.

When she'd returned, it was well past Veronica's bedtime, and she'd found the precinct empty except for Nick and V, curled up on the couch together reading… Oh for the love of God, reading what looked like an interview report from the day before. Kat remembered thinking, as she stood in the doorway watching them curiously, why the man had chosen such a stupid replacement for a story book. But then, Veronica had fallen asleep, and Nick had stood up, careful not to disturb her and pressed a soft kiss into her hair before shrugging off his jacket and covering the 5 year old, and all thoughts other than 'Nick can do sweet?' were wiped from her head.

Kat had stepped out of the shadows then, seeing Nick in a whole new light. Upon feeling a blush creep up her usually dark skin, Kat had muttered something about needing to get home. Nick had looked on as she awkwardly tried to gather a sleeping Veronica in her arms, and balance her coffee, notes, and bag at the same time. With a sigh, he'd offered to carry her into the car, and when Kat refused, he'd rolled his eyes and picked up the sleeping girl anyway.

Kat smirked as she remembered inviting him into her house, the slightly awkward, first date like conversation they'd made after, and the ensuing relationship. To say that the care he took around her daughter had touched her would be wrong, it was more like… that care and tenderness allowed her to trust him. Because he'd done those things without any request, or any indication from her, it set him apart from the other men who only wanted a piece of Kat, and tolerated Veronica. That had tipped the scales for her, and for the first time in years, she'd stepped back over the line from celibacy to the dating world, with none other than Nick Vera. Unusual, sure, but it sure worked for them.

They'd never told anyone, it just didn't seem necessary. Of course, they'd had to come clean to Boss, and he'd nodded along understandingly, as though office romances were none out of the ordinary in his experience. Then, he'd done some digging around for a rule book, some police conduct manual as thick as a phonebook and just as dusty and unused. Since they weren't partners, there was nothing more they had to do, and IAB had never gotten involved.

"You just gonna sit there lookin' at us?" Nick's gravelly voice brought her back to the present as she noticed that his eyes had opened, and he was smiling back at her lovingly.

Kat smiled, feeling happy tears well in her eyes and hoping that Nick wouldn't notice. He did of course, "Hey, what's the matter?" He asked, the alarm apparent in his voice as he sat bolt upright.

Kat reached out and placed both hands on his shoulders, her touch calming him like nothing else, "Careful." She whispered, "You'll wake her."

Nick sighed in relief, climbing up off the couch to wrap an arm around Kat. "You know V, a truck coming through here wouldn't wake her. Anyways, we've got to get her to your mom's place."

Kat leaned on his shoulder, "Let her sleep. I'll call and ask her to come over instead." She knew that Lilly and Scotty would be here any minute, and that this was most likely the last moment of peace they'd have for the next few days, the last few minutes of freedom. Wanting more than anything to make it last, and get in all the little cuddles and kisses that they'd miss out on in front of their other colleagues. Not that the _other colleagues_ didn't have a secret of their own to protect.

Nick nodded, "Who would've thought, huh?" He asked, looking around her home, which had become his as well, bathed in a soft golden light and littered with Veronica's books and clothes.

"What?" Kat asked, closing her eyes.

"That us three, we'd be a family." He replied, "You know, that I'd fall in love with you."

Kat laughed, "I love you too."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Scotty pressed down harder on the gas pedal, willing the car to get there sooner. On his right, Lilly gazed silently out the window and Scotty wasn't sure if she was lost in thought, or flitting in between sleep and consciousness. In the back seat, Kat and Vera's snarky bickering had died down to a companionable silence, broken only by the occasional teasing insult as well. Despite late nights at the office, and even later nights at home alone, studying the case files, that had become second nature to all of them, everyone was feeling the late hour. The lighted dashboard told Scotty it was 3 AM, and his aching muscles chose to remind him of their recent night on the floor. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You okay, Scotty?" Lilly asked. Apparently she wasn't asleep and Scotty turned to give her a grim smile. How did she always happen to look up when he didn't want her to?

"Fine, Lil." He replied, knowing the weariness was starting to show in his voice, and cursing the fact that he was as transparent as he was.

Predictably, Lilly raised her eyebrows, "Fine?" She asked. _Oh no, you don't_, she thought, somewhat bitterly, _I invented that line._ _Hell if I can't see through it._ She wasn't going to let sink into the habit of pretending he was okay when he wasn't. That was her game, and she knew it all too well.

Scotty sighed heavily, feeling his resolve shake beneath the already wobbly exterior. Damn it. Was the woman psychic? Or was he just that readable? Scotty raked a hand through his hair, leaving one hand on the steering wheel. "I hate this, Lil." He burst our angrily.

In the back seat, Kat and Nick gave a start of surprise. The bubble of sleep they'd started to fall into effectively burst by Scotty's angry words. They exchanged a glance, neither of them saying a word. Lilly knew how to deal with his moods the best; they'd all borne witness to that on multiple occasions, and sure enough, Lilly's next words were exactly what he needed.

"I hate it too, and so do Nick and Kat, but you don't see us yelling at anyone, do you?" She asked softly. The car was filled with silence at Lilly's words, and Scotty seemed to be holding his breath, trying to prevent the torrent of words from bursting forth. He only lasted a few seconds before breathing out shakily, façade completely dropped.

"Okay." He said, "I ain't fine. We're goin' to Portland. Fuckin' _Portland, _Goddamnit. It's the middle of the night, and we're chasin' after some sorta psychopath, against Boss's orders." He gave a low chuckle, "That don't make you guys think there's somethin' wrong with all our lives?"

Lilly couldn't help but bury her head in her hands. "Pull over Scotty." She commanded, her voice tired, but still laced with that determination he usually loved about her.

"What?" He asked, his neck making an ominous snapping sound as he whipped around to face her. The sound of a car horn from beside them jolted Scotty's attention back to the road, and he cursed as he pulled the car back into the right lane.

"You heard the woman, pull the hell over," Vera said, speaking for the first time in an hour, "Before we all wind up as road kill."

Furiously, Scotty pulled over onto the shoulder, bringing the car to an abrupt stop and causing everyone to cling to their arm rests in alarm. They sat in silence for a few seconds until Lilly spoke again, "Give us a second?" She asked, turning around to face Kat and Nick.

Kat nodded knowingly, giving Lilly an encouraging smile. She knew, this was no longer a work thing. It went deeper, to something between them two that even Kat, the only one who knew for sure what was going on, couldn't begin to fathom. Sure, Scotty was frustrated with the situation they were in, but his anger was brought about not by one of the soulless doers they saw everyday, but by the enigmatic blonde sitting next to him. Kat immediately reached for the door, silencing Nick's unasked questions with a single penetrating gaze and indicating he follow her. With the roll of his eyes, he followed her out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

"What the hell is his problem?" He burst out angrily, walking over to Kat's side of the car and leaning against the divide in the middle of the highway. They both shivered in the December air, reminding them that snowfall was imminent.

Kat placed a soothing hand on his shoulder, knowing the dark night would hide their actions, just as well as Lilly knew she and Scotty would have privacy in the car. "Nothin' you wouldn't understand." She said lightly.

Nick gave her a blank look, and Kat couldn't help but roll her eyes in exasperation. Men, you just couldn't count on them to take the hint. "What if it were me?" She asked, taking on a different tactic.

"What if you what?" Nick asked, his gaze still vacant of any understanding. Damn it, why couldn't she just tell him right out what she knew? Why did she have to spin his head around in circles like that all the time?

"What if it were me who wound up in the hospital, who had to spend a night in the precinct, just in case some creep was out to kill me?"

Nick contemplated for a second. Just imaging her, the woman he was completely and irrevocably in love with, in that position, well it made him sick to his stomach with anger. "I'd want him dead." He said bluntly, "or at least locked up for the rest of his fuckin' life. And I'd want to be the one who did it."

Kat nodded. "That's what Valens is feelin' right now."

Nick stared back, processing what she'd just said. _He_ would feel like that because he's in love with Kat. Completely understandable, he reasoned. But Valens… Well, he and Lil were close, but after all, they were only partners, friends. Nothing that would warrant such intense anger. He fixed Kat with a questioning gaze, and then it hit him.

Holy shit.

Lil and… Valens.

The realization must have washed over his face because Kat was nodding at him, a small smile coloring her features.

"He's got it bad for her, doesn't he?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

Kat only nodded, and Nick continued, "And she's got no idea just how deep it goes for him, otherwise she'd be runnin' for the hills." The detective instinct kicked in, "But they're in a relationship, 'cause Valens isn't completely miserable, more just… frustrated with her."

Kat beamed. "Got it in one." She immediately sensed a danger, and was determined to circumvent it, "But you _don't_ know." She pressed upon him, "You gotta act like you have no idea."

* * *

Inside the car, Lilly shifted in her seat to face Scotty, taking both of his hands in hers. "Scotty…" She began haltingly, "Could you just look at me please?"

Scotty tore his mutinous gaze away from the road, immediately softening when he saw the tremulous look on Lilly's face.

"Scotty…" Lilly began again, "Thanks." She squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Thanks for what?" He spat bitterly. "I didn't do anythin'. That's why we're here remember?"

"Thanks for taking care of me when I got sick, and sleeping on the floor yesterday, and… for making me laugh and putting up with all my craziness during the last couple of weeks. I-I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say 'cause I honestly haven't done this before, the whole, relationship thing, but you have. So maybe you can tell me…" Lilly rambled on, but Scotty cut her off with a quick kiss, hot and desperate.

"I did those things because," _I love you._ Scotty swallowed the words, "I'm your boyfriend. That's what I'm for." He ducked his head, willing her to meet his eyes, and when she did, holy shit… the things he would do to her if Kat and Nick weren't standing right outside the car.

"I need you to forgive yourself, Scotty. If we're gonna have a chance in the long run, you can't blame yourself for everything under the sun that goes wrong." Lilly fought to hold onto the bit of sanity that his smoldering gaze was quickly robbing her of. "It's just… Scotty, stop it, please… listen to me." She exclaimed.

Scotty's bitter, worried, self-hating look had suddenly changed to one of pure joy and adoration as he leaned his forehead on hers and trapped her face between his hands. He kissed her, smiling against her lips.

"What?" She asked, confused at his sudden change of demeanor. She knew she was good, but this good? Had she really singlehandedly flipped a switch on his demeanor? Not that she wasn't enjoying the feel of his lips on hers… but it would be really nice to know what it was she had said.

"You said…" Scotty managed between kisses, "us… in the long run."

Lilly gave a start of surprise. Had she? Had she inadvertently let slip the idea of a long term relationship, as in longer than the few months her relationships usually were, with none other than her partner? "I guess I did." She heard herself saying.

Scotty smiled again. They could do anything together, they really could. He didn't know why he was angry, worried, or frustrated before, not with Lilly next to him. Not with her deciding she wanted a long term thing with him. Who cared about Wayne Simms? They would deal with him, and then they'd be happy. "Okay then, Rush."

"Okay?" Lilly asked uncertainly. What exactly was he agreeing to?

"Okay, I'll stop being an idiot for now." Scotty replied with a grin.

Lilly smiled, "Didn't know that was possible, Valens." She retorted instantly. Inwardly though, she was satisfied. That was exactly what she'd been looking for. "We should probably get going, before Vera and Miller start knocking on the windows."

Scotty nodded and rolled down the window. "Yo, Miller, Vera. Don't we got a murderer to catch?"

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**As always, please leave me a review if you have a minute, and you feel like I am deserving of such. Maybe as a little wedding present? ;) **


	20. The Other Side Of The World

**So I'm breaking the most important (well in my opinion) rule of fanfiction by posting this, which is posting before writing. I haven't had a chance to write another chapter, but I'm posting this anyways, because I didn't want to leave you guys hanging again. Anyways, hope it's up to par. Chapter title by Kt Tunstall.  
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**Disclaimer: Wouldn't we all like to have Scotty Valens/Danny Pino for ourselves. *Frown* Ah well, a girl can dream can't she... hope the husband doesn't mind :D (jk.) Anyways, don't own anything, probably never will. Did I say probably? I meant definitely.

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**Chapter 20: The Other Side Of The World**

Lieutenant Stillman walked into the bullpen the next morning, put away his gun and then proceeded to open the blinds in his office. Sighing happily, he noticed that he was one of the first ones in today, which meant he'd get first dibs on coffee and breakfast. He booted up his computer, which always took a good 5 minutes to hum to life and made his way slowly into the break room.

Come to think of it. Why exactly was he the first of his team to get here this morning? He was dedicated to his job, sure, but he'd found a balance between work and home, one that most of his other detectives hadn't mastered yet. That was why, most morning, he found Valens, Rush, Miller, and Vera, already hard at work and well into their third cups of coffee. Stillman poured his own cup of coffee, growing increasingly worried. A million possibilities ran through his mind. The one that featured though, involved Wayne Simms catching up with Lilly and the rest of them getting killed defending her. John shook his head, almost chuckling at his own ridiculously. His detectives were just sleeping in, of course, it made sense. They'd been working themselves like crazy and it'd finally caught up to them. He should be thankful, all of his non-stop nagging for them to get some rest once in a while had finally paid off.

His spirits significantly improved, coffee in his system, and a chance to get a head start on paperwork this morning, John instilled himself into his desk chair. That's when he opened his emails and saw the messages from his supposedly 'resting' colleagues.

* * *

To: Stillman, John  
From: Valens, Scotty  
Subject: A few days off…

Boss,  
Believe it or not, my sister is eloping, and she needs a witness to her marriage. And, well, long story short, she called me. I'm gonna have to take the next few days off. So sorry for the late notice.  
- Valens

* * *

To: Stillman, John  
From: Miller, Kat  
Subject: Kids these days!

Hi Lieutenant,  
Veronica's class is going on a field trip to some resort for the next 4 days and I'll be damned if I'm letting a six year old sleep overnight without me. What are teachers thinking these days? Anyways, I hope nothing's too busy and I'll see you when I get back.  
- Kat.

* * *

To: Stillman, John  
From: Rush, Lilly  
Subject: Going to NY…

Boss,  
Christina's gotten herself in trouble, have to go bail her out… you understand. Wish I didn't have to take a few more days, me just getting back to work and all.  
Don't be mad,  
Lil

* * *

To: Stillman, John  
From: Vera, Nick  
Subject: My Lost Hours.

Dear Lieutenant Stillman,  
It's recently come to my attention that if I don't use up those lost hours from this year, well the new year will arrive and they were truly be 'lost'. Anyways, I got trapped in an impromptu family visit, so I'll see you all in a couple of days.  
-Vera  
P.S. Don't let Miller bully you guys. The doughnuts aren't all hers.

* * *

Disbelief and anger flared in his chest. Oh, he wasn't fooled for a moment. Those damn idiots went to Portland, he knew it. He also knew that it was too late to stop them at this point, that they'd probably left as soon as the unbelievable lies they'd typed out left their emails. He dropped his pen on his desk and rubbed his forehead, the good mood of this morning all of a sudden completely dispelled.

What the hell were they thinking? Hadn't he made himself clear? Was he _not_ completely adamant when he refused their whines to go to Portland? Damn it. He knew he was. He knew that there was no way he could've been _any_ clearer. At all. Ever. So… why?

With a sigh, Lieutenant Stillman knew. There was just no way that group of headstrong detectives could leave well enough alone. They couldn't just trust other cops to do their jobs and sit on their asses back in Philly. Especially not Valens. It just wasn't who they were. Ruefully, Stillman could admit that he understood their feelings. He knew them all too well, inside and out. And he should've known better than to trust them to simply follow his orders. In fact, he himself had broken enough rules in his time to know that as cops, they expected to get away with murder. How ironic.

Still, that didn't stop him from calling them and tearing them a new one over the phone.

That's exactly what he decided to do. On the rare chance that he'd catch them before they left, he thought they'd try their home phone numbers first. Lilly was his first try, knowing that she and Valens were most likely behind this harebrained idea.

The phone rang in his ear, each trill a reminder of the shit he'd get from the higher ups once they found on his entire team had upped and left. He felt the frustration building.

"_Hey, you've reached Detective Lilly Rush. I'm not available right now…" _

Stillman hung up on Lilly's voicemail, deciding not to leave a message she would never hear. To be fair, he decided to check on the others as well, just to see if one of them, maybe, had been telling the truth.

Vera Home. Miller Home. Valens Home.

No answer on any of them. His suspicions confirmed, Stillman wondered whether he should make his call directly to the Portland police station. That way, none of them would have the opportunity to screen his calls, and they'd know that _he knew_ exactly where they were. Thinking better of it, he tried Lilly's cell phone.

"Pick up, Rush." He muttered under his breath.

"_Boss…"_ Lilly's tentative voice from hours away filled his ear.

* * *

They'd arrived at Portland early in the morning, just as the sun rose above the horizon. Nick and Kat had been absolutely exhausted and looked aghast at Lilly and Scotty's apparent desire to head straight for the precinct and demand information. In a compromise, they'd checked into a hotel, ordering two rooms, one for Kat and Lilly and the other for Scotty and Nick, no one being happy with the arrangements, but no one daring to protest either, lest their separate secrets be revealed.

Scotty paced around his room, listening to the sound of Vera's snores, impatiently throwing the luminous alarm clock a glare. It was only 7 in the morning, and they'd agreed not to start banging on the doors of the precinct until at least 9. After all, they didn't want to piss off the authorities this early into their visit. They wanted to help. It was only 2 more hours of waiting, Scotty told himself grimly. Two hours was nothing, right?

He flopped down onto his small twin bed, grimacing as he felt the individual springs of the bed making their presence known. Hotel furniture… in small cities… Scotty fought the urge to roll his eyes. Briefly, he wondered whether he should go see Lilly, if his presence in their room wouldn't be seen as intrusive.

_Miller would kick your ass out faster than… well than the sprints to the last donut she and Vera fight over._ He thought with a smile. That was no doubt true. She'd probably throw in a few mutters about him and Lil being love struck teenagers for good measure, seeing as she was the only one who knew. Oh, and a threat to his physical wellbeing was never out of the question. The thought of Lilly though, just one wall away, it made Scotty want to punch a hole in the wall just to see her through it.

He shook his head, wondering if he was going crazy. After all, he and Lilly had only been dating for... just over two weeks. There was no reason he should be feeling this… crazy… about her. In fact, he'd dated women for longer than that and had no problems cutting them loose, especially in his post-Elisa days. It sounded horribly insensitive, but Scotty could admit, that's exactly how he'd been for a while now. And then there was Lilly, who could not even begin to compare with the other women he'd been dating. That brunette whose name he could no longer remember, the red head with the flower tattoo and the art collection…

It made Scotty cringe to think of what might have happened to him if he hadn't burst into Lilly's house that night, demanded answers, and fallen into bed with her. Would he still be sleeping around, drinking, throwing his career - his life - away? Instead of being in the best relationship he could wish for? Because that's what Scotty realized it was. Lilly was exactly what he needed. Breathtakingly beautiful and frustratingly enigmatic. Scotty knew he was in love with her, deeply and irrevocably in love, and he had been for who knows how long. And even though they'd had that one conversation, during that dinner in the fancy restaurant, looking like two homeless people, Scotty wanted answers from her. He wondered if her subtle hint at 'the long run' last night was the only thing he'd be getting. It was amazing. It was wonderfully reassuring, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to keep saying there was no pressure, that this would go where it would…

He wanted to say he loves her. He _needed _to say it. And he wanted - no, needed - to hear her say it back to him.

"You know, you keep pacin' like that an' the floor's gonna wear out." Vera informed him. Scotty spun around, not realizing his colleague was awake as Nick continued. "That carpet ain't lookin' too sturdy to start with."

"Sorry," He muttered sheepishly sitting down on the edge of his bed, "Didn't know you were awake."

"What's eating you, Valens?" Nick asked, immediately clueing in to his other male colleague's melancholy mood.

"Nothin'." Scotty replied mysteriously, knowing Nick wouldn't be fooled for a minute.

As expected, Nick snorted derisively, "We're all detective's here man, just cut the crap okay? You're wearin' a look that says either family troubles or woman troubles."

Scotty shot him a dark glare before muttering something about minding his own business. He was confused enough about what to do with Lilly. He _definitely_ didn't need Vera sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

"It _is_ my business," Nick insisted. "I'm the one whose gotta share this miserable excuse for a room with you for the next two days, an' if you're gonna keep actin' like a pissy teenage girl then…" He trailed off, contemplating a good threat, "… someone's gonna lose some teeth."

"Ain't gonna be the only one, brother." Scotty bit back sharply. God, why couldn't he just be left alone? The Lilly Problem needed rational thinking, not Nick Vera.

"Who do you think you're talking to Scotty?" Vera barked. "I was playing hockey, knocking guy's teeth out way back in high school, while you and Elisa were probably making out in some closet."

Scotty was forced to laugh. Well, the man had a point. In high school, he'd indeed been a scrawny little kid, and… making out with Elisa had occurred on a regular basis. Immediately, the tension between the two colleagues dissolved, and Scotty leaned back on his bed, reaching between them for the mini-refrigerator, stocked with 7 dollar cans of beer. He cracked one open, and handed it to Nick, before reaching for one for himself. They drank in silence for a few minutes, and then Scotty realized that Nick was definitely not even close to letting this go.

"So I'm thinking… it isn't family stuff… seeing as your mom was on the phone two days ago begging you to let her come over and do your laundry." He reasoned out loud, "So it's the women?"

Much to Scotty's chagrin, Nick was making sense. He was doing the detective processing out loud, and whether or not Scotty said anything, Nick would come to logical conclusion after logical conclusion. "Yeah." Scotty found himself confirming.

Nick smiled and then he remembered what Kat had told him in the middle of the previous night, on the shoulder of some miserable freeway. It was Lilly. Scotty's girl was Lilly. The Lilly who was almost like a little sister to him, the Lilly who was the best friend of the woman he was in love with.

_Maybe this is the time to do some detectiving of my own._ He mused. Find out if Valens is serious about her, and if he is, Nick decided he'd back off. If he wasn't, if there was a possibility Lilly could get hurt… well he might just have to make do on that threat to knock out some teeth. "Tough lady?" He asked, taking a sip of beer and appearing nonchalant.

"You could say that…" Scotty chortled. _He ain't got a clue how close he is. _

"And what's the problem?" Nick asked, genuinely curious.

Scotty sighed tiredly, "She's… got some issues…" He began to explain and stopped, wondering how on earth he could get Nick Vera, of all people, to understand. It wasn't like he was an expert on relationships.

"And what woman doesn't?" He asked rhetorically, with a helpless wave of his hand. Scotty only nodded along. "You thinking you about calling it quits?" He tested gingerly. _Say no. Say no. Say no…_

"Hell no, that's crazy." Scotty burst out, looking at Nick as though he'd just sprouted antlers or something. "You outta your mind?" He studied his drink. "Or is this not really beer?"

Nick sighed in relief, but continued his interrogation. "What's crazy about it? If it ain't working out then…" He shrugged helplessly.

"It is workin' out." Scotty insisted defiantly. "It's workin' out perfectly fine just the way it is."

With that, Nick understood all the unspoken things that Scotty had left out. "But you want more." He finished for him quietly.

Scotty scrubbed a hand over his face. Was it that obvious? Was it _really_ that freaking obvious? And if it was then why the hell wasn't Lilly seeing it?

_Shut up, idiot. _Scotty told himself. _You outta be glad Lil ain't seein' how head over heels you are for her, otherwise she'd be runnin' for the hills._

Nick continued as if unaware of Scotty's thoughts. "You got it bad for her, don't you?" Inwardly, he was glad that Scotty wasn't playing with Lilly's emotions, that he wasn't planning on dumping her when the going got tough. As bystander to the post-Elisa parade of bimbos, Nick had looked on as Scotty did this time and time again. He was more than thrilled that the cycle was coming to an end, it seemed.

Scotty shrugged, _no point in denyin' anything now. Besides, ain't like Nick knows who it is._ He told himself. "Yeah. I do." He felt a wide smile split his face and couldn't help adding. "She's… all I think about, and, I think maybe… I love her." Scotty continued to gaze fondly at the ceiling tiles, unaware of Nick's wide eyes.

"So tell me again what the hell's the problem." He demanded. If Scotty loves her, well it would definitely be a change for them, but if it meant the two of them being happy… then Nick would most definitely adjust. That is, assuming Lilly felt the same… and if the grinning idiot next to him bothered to find out before they all got old.

"I, ah, haven't exactly told her yet…" He said sheepishly, turning back to Nick and fully expecting the pitiful gaze he got. "You haven't tried… talkin' feelings with this woman, Nick. It's damn near impossible." He added defensively.

"Valens-" Vera began. But Scotty wasn't finished with his tirade.

"And what if I, you know, I say it, and she freaks out?" He asked, almost in a panic. "Or what if she doesn't feel the same way?"

"You ain't gonna know if you never bother to find out." He replied wisely, and Scotty's latest worried questions died on his lips.

Nick was… absolutely right.

He would never know. Scotty would never get his answers until he put himself out there. "When d'you become such an expert?" He asked, attempting to change the subject.

Nick just shook his head wisely. If only Scotty knew about his own struggle with the words 'I' 'Love' and 'You', all strung together, not so long ago. It'd turned out well for him, he thought happily as he pictured Kat and Veronica, his family. "Just promise me you ain't gonna chicken out." He requested.

"Deal." Scotty said, with a spurt of bravery. "I'm gonna tell her man, next opportunity I get."

They clinked their almost empty cans of beer together in male solidarity.

* * *

**I'm still thinking whether I should go the happy fluffy way for the next two chapters, but the angsty, and more in character/realistic way. If you guys wanna give me some pointers, that'd be great. As always, please leave a review if you have a second. **


	21. Our Time Now

**I meant to upload this like a week ago, I really did. As soon as I finished the other story, I was supposed to post this. But.. well, a new school yeah started, and since I teach, things have been busy for me. So, yeah, not really any excuse this time. But rest assured, I won't abandon this story. Length wise, we're more than halfway through, just a heads up. Chapter title by Plain White T's.

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**Chapter 21: Our Time Now**

Lilly had barely put down her travel bag when her cell phone started buzzing on her hip. She knew who was calling, had known the call would be coming soon, and she almost - make that really, _really_ - didn't want to pick up. Glancing at the caller ID to make sure, Lilly held her phone out in front of her like it would detonate, biting nervously on her bottom lip.

"What is it Lil?" Kat asked, no doubt noticing her worried expression as she put down her own overnight bag with a sigh of exhaustion. _More bad news? Could they really take any more?_

Lilly blew out a deep breath, "It's boss." She ran a hand through her hair, preparing herself for the earful she was no doubt about to receive. Never had the words, 'Stillman, J' looked so ominous on such a small screen.

"Shit…" Kat mumbled. "Do you think he know?" Her question was unnecessary. Of course he knew.

Lilly took another second to steal herself and flipped her phone open just before it went to voicemail. "Boss…" She muttered tentatively.

"Rush. Where the hell do you think you are?" Stillman yelled.

Lilly winced, her boss sounding no less stern over the phone than if he'd been in the same room, staring her down. She felt not unlike a child, being called to the principal's office. Quickly, she racked her brain for the excuse she'd come up with. "I'm, uh, in New York." She managed. "Did you, get my ema-"

He interrupted. "Bullshit."

Lilly sent Kat a glance, nodding slightly and confirming her fears. She waited in silence for her Lieutenant's next words, half-hearted protests of innocence dying on her lips.

"I know where you guys are, so you better get the rest of the ass clowns on the phone. Now."

She nodded, beckoning Kat toward her and indicating that they should go to the guy's room, now.

"Rush, you better not have hung on up on me."

Realizing her mistake, Lilly quickly backtracked. "No. We're, uh, going to get the rest of them."

"You do that."

* * *

Nick and Scotty had just cracked open their second beers, after settling who would be paying for the overpriced, subpar hotel alcohol with a fierce game of Rock Paper Scissors when they heard someone banging on their door.

"What the hell?" Nick said out loud, but Scotty was already halfway to the door, the possibility of Lilly being hurt immediately jumping into his mind. What had he been thinking? Leaving her alone in the town a killer was known to be lurking? Was he _really_ that stupid? How could-

He threw the door open and stood aside as Lilly and Kat barreled into their room silently. Kat pointed frantically at the phone, mouthing something in a panic, while Lilly's calm exterior seemed uncharacteristically flushed.

"I'm, uh, going to put you on speakerphone, alright Boss?" Scotty and Nick jumped to attention at her words, and Lilly put the phone down on a round night table. The four of them gathered around the small phone, trepidation filling their hearts.

"The four of you listen closely." Stillman commanded quietly, his voice managing to infiltrate the entire room anyways. "I don't know which of you idiots had the harebrained idea to ship out to Portland and I don't care…" He paused for the dramatic effect, "I want you all to turn around and get your asses back to Philly. Now."

The four of them looked at each other, swallowing hard and nervously wondering what to say next. Kat decided to break the awkward silence, "Boss… we're already here… so…" She gave Nick a mean glare that requested - no, ordered - him to back her up.

"So maybe we can just look into the case?" Nick finished for her quickly, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Boss, this is really important to us." Lilly added quietly, "And it was all my idea, not theirs. I'm the only one you should be pissed at."

Immediately, Scotty came to her defense. "Nah, Boss. It was my idea. But, like Miller said, we're here, so we might as well kick some doer ass."

"Okay all of you just shut up for a minute." Lieutenant Stillman sighed. He shouldn't allow this. There was no way this was advisable, especially if they wanted co-operation with the feds in future cases. But his detectives were adamant - stupid, naïve, disobedient, and harebrained - but adamant. They were holding on to this case. Like it or not, this man had hurt one of their own, and they were following this through until the end, come hell or high water.

"Boss?" Lilly asked tentatively, "You, uh, still there?"

They heard a long sigh. "This time, and this time only, I'll allow it. But I want you all back here the minute he's behind bars again."

There was a flurry of movement on the younger detectives' side of the phone line. Vera and Miller high fived each other triumphantly and Scotty caught Lilly in an unexpected hug. Laughter bubbled out of her throat. They were off the hook. They had free reign from Philly. They were ready to kick some ass.

Their boss's slightly amused voice brought them back to earth. "Don't celebrate too early. You're all on desk duty for a week when you get back. And I'm sending Jeffries up there to keep an eye out."

"Sure thing, boss." Scotty chuckled, as Stillman hung up.

* * *

It was nearing noon by the time the four Philly detectives finally located the small, innocuous Central Precinct of the Portland Police Department, where the feds had set up base camp. Lilly looked around curiously, immediately taking stock of her surroundings. The normally hectic room was packed to the seams and bursting with activities. The federal detectives could be distinguished from the local ones, because they had a superior air about them and bustled about while the others hung around at the sidelines, afraid of getting in the way, but indignant that their case had been stolen out from under them at the same time.

Scotty was the first to approach and important looking official, the letters FBI all but emblazoned on his forehead. "Excuse me, you guys workin' the escape case?"

"… I want uniforms stationed at every exit and don't come back until it's done..." The man yelled over his shoulder before focusing his attention back to Scotty. "You say something?" He asked hurriedly.

Irritation surged through all their veins as Lilly put a calming hand on Scotty's shoulder, who looked close to punching out this federal agent already. "Yeah." Scotty bit back. "I was askin' if you're the ones who are responsible for puttin' Wayne Simms back where he belongs."

The unknown man nodded curtly. "Agent Nelson. And you are?"

Kat stepped forward to introduce them. "Detectives Miller, Vera, Rush, and Valens." She said, drawing herself up to meet Nelson's considerable height.

The federal agent looked at them condescendingly. "Right… Well, like I told your lieutenant, the Portland cops may be helping here, but escape from federal institutions falls under my squad's jurisdiction, so if we need you, we'll…"

"We're from Philly." Lilly cut him off. "Homicide."

Agent Nelson stared back blankly, "No offense, but what the hell's Philadelphia doing here? Ain't you guys a bit far from home?" He had the classic superior air of a federal agent, who liked stepping on the toes of the people who did all the work.

"Wouldn't be here if the feds did their job right." Scotty said, stepping in front of Kat and giving the agent an accusatory look of his own. Lilly and Kat rolled their eyes slightly. If the situation wasn't so pressing, this could almost be funny. Vera stood back, silently observing as the scene unfolded before him.

"Excuse me?" Agent Nelson asked lethally, narrowing his eyes at Scotty. "Where the hell do you get off talking to me like that?" He demanded gruffly, and Lilly noticed for the first time the worry and fatigue etched into his eyes as well. Immediately her heart soften considerable, and her boyfriend's next words made her cringe on this, near stranger's, behalf.

"Well, I dunno, maybe since we did all the work catchin' the guy and pinnin' him for murder, and all you feds had to do was keep him behind bars." Scotty retorted immediately.

Kat couldn't help but give this man a piece of her own mind. "Instead, we gotta haul ass up here to clean up your mess? Few screws loose at the federal bureau if you ask me."

Agent Nelson puffed out his chest importantly. "While federal jurisdiction covers both prisons and escapees, the FBI is only involved in tracking potentially dangerous escaped felons; we cannot be held liable…"

"Oh cut the bull already." Vera spoke up for the first time. "Enough with the cop mumbo jumbo. Have you found the creep or not?"

He sighed, appearing to deflate before them as the weariness of the past few days caught up with him. Agent Nelson was one who needed his rest, and the last 48 hours had been nonstop work. "Sightings here and there, but nothing more than that."

"So what've you been doing? Sitting on your asses?" Kat demanded angrily. She knew it wasn't true, that much was evidenced based on the slew of detectives bustling in and out of the overcrowded room, but she couldn't help her sarcastic comment. Had they really driven up here for nothing?

"No actually, we've been canvassing, getting police detail on all the places he's been seen and blocking border crossings." Nelson argued. "There's absolutely no through traffic between Canada and the US at the moment.

This made them all stop and pay attention, the battle of testosterone dying down for just a second. "And the Canadians are okay with this?" Lilly asked with confusion.

Agent Nelson turned his gaze to her for the first time since they'd arrived. He snorted, "You kidding me? They ordered it. Don't want a killer getting onto their land, especially with their anti capital punishment, extradition ways."

"Right." Lilly nodded. "Look," She lowered her voice. It was a tactic she used in interrogations. If you speak quietly, people have to pay closer attention to what you're saying. "We're not here to sandbag you. But you need to keep us in the loop. We're all cops, and standing here arguing about it isn't going to make it better."

He nodded. This woman, he realized, was one of the sane ones. Agent Nelson took a step back from Scotty, the tension between them dispelling itself somewhat. "Sooner the son of a bitch is thrown back in jail the better," he muttered, stalking back to the center of the room, where all the action seemed to be originating.

"Okay! Listen up everybody." Nelson's loud voice boomed out and immediately, all the action in the room stopped. "These detectives are from the fine city of Philly, they want to help. Now which team is short staffed again?"

A tentative hand shot up from among the crowd of suits. "Us, sir!" He called desperately. "The tip lines are ringing like crazy…"

Agent Nelson nodded, and the rest of them went back to work, "Why don't you guys go over there. They're the first to know anything anyways." He added at the detective's reluctance.

The four of them began walking toward the circle of people each talking fast on identical phones when Nelson caught Scotty's arm. "Could use you out in the field." He commented.

"What?" Scotty stared at his colleagues' retreating backs.

Agent Nelson shrugged. "Your temper, in here… it's gonna get people hurt, but out there…" He trailed off. "Well, let's just say we need some detectives who are used to beating information out of people."

Scotty nodded, grateful for the opportunity to do more than answer phones. "You mean, you want me out on the streets." This could be good for him. This could mean not sitting around going crazy while tip after useless tip came in, like Scotty knew they would.

The other man lowered his voice, the animosity between them from a few minutes later all but gone. "Between you and me, the local detectives ain't exactly used to this kind of action… I've got a couple seasoned pros, they're about ready to head out where he was seen last."

He pointed toward a gaggle of other muscled detectives. There was only one female among them, who, for her part, looked like she ate nails for breakfast. Scotty gave the FBI agent one last curt nod before turning and heading toward his apparent coworkers for the afternoon. About halfway across the room, he remembered to call after Lilly, Kat, and Nick, to let them know where he was off to, but when he whipped back around, they'd already disappeared in the crowds. Scotty paused for a second, hovering on the brink of indecision, then turned around and kept walking. They could wait until after the crisis. With his help, maybe they could get back to Philly by tonight. Maybe.

* * *

Several hours later, Kat slammed down the phone and threw up her hands in defeat. "That's it. I'm done. If I don't get some coffee and real food in the next ten minutes, I'm gonna go crazy. And not funny crazy, bad, serial killer crazy." She ranted. How long had they been doing this? How many hundreds of tips had she patiently listened to, explaining that they didn't think it was possible that he was disguised as a large black bear, but thank you very much and please check yourself into the nearest asylum.

Vera scowled at her from his spot across the long table. "Well sorry, your highness, if the accommodations aren't up to your usual standard, but if you haven't noticed the rest of us are swamped too."

Putting down her phone, Lilly groaned as well, "We haven't had a solid lead in hours. And my back is killing me."

"Bet Valens is having a much better go of it." Kat muttered darkly.

"Lucky bastard." Vera added in agreement.

Lilly sighed and ran a hand through her droopy blond hair. Someone had told them a few hours ago that Scotty had had the honor of being recruited for field team 6. While it stung a little, him leaving without dropping her a line on where the hell he was going to be, Lilly knew everyone was doing their best with a bad situation. The method to the feds madness was infuriatingly simple, yet proven time and time again. A group of people took calls from the public who had seen the warnings and announcements, then radioed the possible leads out to one of 20 field teams, who followed up on them.

It sounded foolproof right? If only they'd gotten a few decent leads.

"Lil." Vera nudged her elbow, cocking his head pointedly toward Agent Nelson, the leader of the operation walking toward them with a frown on his face. "That look like good news or bad news to you?"

Lilly studied the man striding purposefully toward them. The past few hours had obviously taken a toll on him. His hair was tousled and a sheen of sweat was showing on his cheeks. In addition, him muttering instructions to people left and right only added to his harried look. "Bad news." She whispered.

"Detectives." Agent Nelson greeted solemnly. "We've got a situation. You can stop with the phones now. We've located him."

There was a long pause in which the three exhausted detectives waited for information. It was like they were the only ones in the room that existed, then and the information they were about to receive from a man who would soon become faceless in the aftermath of this ordeal. They had info, it was over, or it would be soon… But it was information that Agent Nelson all of a sudden seemed reluctant to give.

"Well, spit it out." Kat demanded suddenly. "Where the hell is he and what's the situation."

A brief hesitation, and then he said, "Fairhill Mall, the largest shopping plaza in Portland, a field team responded to a possible sighting half an hour ago…"

"And you found the creep?" Vera pressed.

"He was there." Nelson confirmed, "SWAT is on the way, so is the bomb squad. We've managed to evacuate all of the shoppers, except for the ones in the small jewelry store he's holding up."

"_Bomb squad?"_ Lilly repeated, feeling just a bit faint. Was she hearing him right? A major, metropolitan mall was rigged to blow, with customers inside, and this man was standing calmly before them? What the hell was he keeping from them? "What else is there?"

"One of our field teams is at risk." He continued edgily. "The team that followed the lead…"

"Okay, I'm getting tired of this. Either you say what you have to say, or get the fuck out of our way so we can go help." Vera burst out angrily, the tension of the moment getting the best of him.

"He's saying it was field team 6." Lilly said quietly. "Am I right? Agent Nelson."

"All 3 of the detectives on that team are still in the building." He confirmed with regret, watching as the color drained out of the blond detective's face.

"Field team 6…" Vera began hoarsely.

Kat looked around frantically, begging someone to contradict the disturbing thoughts, doubts, and first hints of fear swirling in her mind. "… isn't that?" When she met Lilly's eyes, she saw them wide with horror.

"Scotty."

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**Don't you love cliffhangers? I do. Well, I know what's gonna happen so its not a cliffhanger for me. XD. If you leave me a review, I'll get started on the next chapter right away. Promise. Seriously. **


	22. Be Ok

**I think I did a pretty good job in the updating, right? I mean it hasn't been tooo long. LOL, deep breath in people, and brace yourselves... Chapter title by Ingrid Michaelson. **

**Disclaimer: Sometimes I think that since I wrote the chapter, you guys should write your own disclaimer. So I'm leavin' in open this time. Anything you want, as long as it doesn't get me sued. Kay? Good. On with the story...

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**Chapter 22: Be Ok **

It is curious how life and death situations make time stop and memory blank. Some time down the road, when the dust had settled, Lilly wouldn't remember how they made it to Fairhill Mall, nor would she have any idea how long it took. They could've flown on a jet, they could've crawled. She wouldn't even remember if Vera and Miller were next to her. All she knew was that her heart was pounding out of her chest the entire time.

She donned a bullet proof vest, emblazoned with fluorescent identifying letters, and was numbly aware of people around her doing the same. A crowd was starting to gather beyond the yellow police tape like vultures to a carcass, hungry for blood, feeding off fear, smelling death in the air. It made Lilly sick to her stomach.

She looked up at the building the police were quickly swarming. It looked so peaceful from the outside. You couldn't tell what horror was happening on the inside, the people who were at risk. Lilly wondered which of those uniform windows led to the room Scotty was trapped in, against his will. In an instant, Lilly understood how he must have felt waiting outside the night she was shot. It was enough to make someone crazy.

"How the hell does someone on the run get their hands on explosives?" Vera grumbled as he slipped into his bullet proof vest. The boring afternoon had definitely taken a turn for the worse, and Nick couldn't help but wish for the ringing phones again.

Kat shook her head darkly. "When you're facin' life in a little box, who knows what you could be capable of." She shuddered slightly and asked. "How's Lil?"

Nick looked over at their blond colleague, standing apart from all the other cops and staring up at the building as though it held the answer to all her problems. And it did, he supposed. In that moment, Nick Vera was sure that whatever Scotty felt for Lil, she felt the exact same. He'd never seen that look of pure terror on her face before, not even after she'd been shot, and they were wheeling her almost lifeless form out of the precinct.

"It ain't fair." He said softly. "It just…" He looked for the right words to express how - how _wrong_ this was. Briefly, he recalled his and Scotty's conversation from that morning.

_I'm gonna tell her man, next opportunity I get. _

Kat put a comforting hand on his arm. It was just for a second, but Nick was reminded that Lilly and Scotty had forever. He had forever for the next opportunity to pop up. Now was not the time to be mourning. Now was the time to be beating information out of those SWAT teams.

They seemed to be thinking the same thing, because the next moment, Kat was telling him to help out in any way he can, while she went to Lilly. He nodded, springing into action.

"Lil." Kat said, sidling up to her female colleague. She wondered what to say when everything about Lilly screamed of 'don't touch' and 'shut up'. Maybe standing next to her in silence would be better than any words she could offer.

"How did you do it?" Lilly asked blankly, still staring straight ahead. "When Ed was in the bullpen with the gun." She continued. "How did you just wait outside?"

Kat took Lilly's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. She remembered all too well the fear and horror, knowing Nick was trapped with an angry gunman, not to mention the rest of her team. It was paralyzing. "You just, hope, that they'll be okay." She offered, knowing it wouldn't help. Sometimes people need more than hope.

Lilly shook her head fiercely. "Nah, I can't." She said frantically. "I've got to go in there. It's my fault he's in there."

Her female colleague nodded sympathetically, not bothering to correct her. Lilly shook her head as if trying to clear the cobwebs and spun on her heel, stalking purposefully toward the gaggle of detectives, officers, and agents alike.

"What do we got?" Lilly asked, all business. Trying to disguise the tremor in her voice and the tell tale sheen in her eyes. _Don't you dare cry, Rush. Pull it together. There we go. Good girl._

The agents studied the two female detectives critically. Lilly could tell that they were having the internal battle as to whether or not information would be given out. She was the flicker in their eyes before giving into their furious glares.

"He's got four police officers and 32 civilians, a mother and her kid, and a store owner." Agent Nelson said dejectedly. "He's barricaded himself that store." He continued, gesturing at a small window a few stories up.

* * *

Scotty looked around the small jewelry shop, taking stock of their chances. He cursed his bad luck. Of all the teams that could've responded to this particular call, it had to be his team. Lil must be terrified, he thought with frustration.

They were sitting on the floor. Him, the three other detectives in his team, whose names had temporarily been wiped from his mind, two poor civilians that'd been caught in the fray, and the unfortunate shop owner. Wayne Simms paced the middle of the room, wearing a small black box taped to his chest that could probably blow up the whole building. One push of a button… Scotty gulped, not wanting to think on it.

His thoughts turned to Lilly instead. He wondered if they'd let her be part of the hostage negotiations, if he could talk to her, if he would get to tell her he loved her. Maybe they'd go straight to the sharp shooters this time. After all, there were 7 lives at stake. His hand travelled over to his empty holster, remembering all too well that they'd all been stripped of their weapons 20 minutes ago. Oh well, one can still hope, can't they?

"You ain't gettin' outta this alive." Scotty spoke suddenly, ignoring the furious glances from the other detectives and the fearful ones from the civilians, who had probably never seen a gun, let alone 4 guns and a bomb.

"Shut up." Simms spat back. He continued to pace the room, contemplating his next move. Kill the blond. That had been his plan. This wasn't going well for him.

Scotty ignored him and pressed on, knowing it was probably stupid. "They're gonna blow your brains out." He said lethally.

"Shut up!" He yelled again. "Or I'll blow us all up right now!"

Scotty fell silent. Their captor didn't need to point a gun to threaten them, not when he was wearing a button that could destroy them all in a second. His eyes travelled to the door, barricaded shut by a chair, and the sole window that opened to the outside. Simms hadn't thought to cover it. Maybe that meant shooters could take aim? Scotty wasn't sure, but he wasn't about to take the chance.

He glanced instead at the phone sitting on the store owner's desk. Surely they'd negotiate before shooting, right? Scotty blew out a deep breath. No matter how trapped and cornered he felt, he was sure his colleagues outside felt worse. Inwardly, he thanked the powers upstairs that he was the one in here, and not one of the others. He could handle danger, what he couldn't handle was someone he loved in danger.

Scotty looked over at the woman clutching a toddler sitting on the floor next to them. Luckily, they were the only two civilians who were in this store at the time. Or unluckily. Scotty wasn't sure which. She was sobbing, rocking back and forth and attempting to shield her child from harm. For a moment, Scotty thought to reach out and comfort her, but he didn't have it in him, not when the person he wanted to reach out to was outside…

The sharp trill of a phone interrupted his harried thoughts and Scotty's head snapped up, immediately fixating on the black phone on the table. Simms picked up one of the guns, and took aim, fully prepared to empty the clip at the offending object but Scotty stopped him with a shout.

"Don't." He called urgently. "You should pick it up." Simms paused, his hand hovering over the safety of the gun, prepared to click it off. "They could get you what you want."

"What I want, is to not go to jail." He spat angrily. "You think those damn cops could get me that?" His sarcastic tone wasn't lost on Scotty, but he responded as though he was serious.

"Maybe," Scotty lied, "You could cut a deal, or somethin'." _No way in hell._

"Yeah. Yeah I could." Without a second thought, Simms pointed his gun threateningly at Scotty and indicated he sit his ass back down. With no weapon to possibly defend himself, Scotty obliged, instilling himself back between two other detectives, both of whom were flashing him furious looks. _You could've gotten us killed._ They said with their eyes.

After making sure Scotty was not a threat to him, Wayne Simms picked up the ringing phone.

* * *

FBI Special Agent Nelson was a seasoned professional when it came to hostage negotiations. He'd never met a nut job he couldn't talk out of killing themselves and taking several innocents with them. Sure, it took a certain amount of bribery, lying, and plain manipulation… but it always worked out. He felt no fear when the ringing in his ear clicked and the line filled with heavy breathing.

"Wayne Simms?" He asked. "My name is Agent Nelson, but you can call me Nell. Now if we work together, no one has to get hurt, alright?" Give him a sense of security, offer a friendly voice, make him trust you.

The voice that answered him was chilling in its cold indifference. "Listen, Agent. I'm wearing enough explosives to demolish the biggest mall in this pathetic city. We're not working together. You're going to give me what I want, understand?"

Agent Nelson swallowed hard. This wasn't rare. In fact, it was the veneer most doers put on initially. You just had to go with it, he'd learned over the years. "We can do that." He said quietly. "Tell me what you want… and I'll see what I can do." He offered, the fake kindness permeating his voice.

"I want to talk to Detective Lilly Rush."

The Agent nodded, beckoning one of his team members to get the mysterious detective from Philly, stat. A moment later, an ashen faced blond was by his side. He handed the phone wordlessly to Lilly with a questioning glance.

"Rush." Lilly answered brusquely. She tried to calm her racing heart. This was what she wanted, to be doing something. Ever since they'd arrived at the scene, sitting still was killing her. This was good. This was something.

"Hi Lilly." The friendly voice on the other line made Lilly clench her fist. "Did you miss me?"

_Cut to the chase._ "What do you want?" She asked harshly. Inwardly, she wondered if he would let her talk to Scotty. Probably not.

He thought for a moment. He wanted her of course, to make her and her team pay for putting him in jail. But hell, he was going to have some fun with this. "Not so fast." He crooned. "Don't you want to play?"

"What do you want?" Lilly repeated firmly.

Simms gave an over-exaggerated sigh. "How 'bout a helicopter. On the roof."

"Can't do that." Lilly immediately responded. "Unless… you've gotta give me something in return." Bargain with him. Hostage negotiations 101. Police academy, the second month. Lilly brushed the dust of the long unused skills.

"Name your price detective." He teased.

_Scotty. Give me Scotty and anything you say goes._ Lilly knew the protocal though, and as much as it pained her, she knew the civilians came first. Always. "Let them go." She said quietly. "The mom and the kid."

Twenty minutes later, a small commercial helicopter had landed on the roof of the mall and two of their hostages were sitting safely in squad cars, shaken but otherwise unharmed. The breath everyone had let out had long past, and they were gearing up for the next battle. Two down, five to go.

Lilly picked up the phone that was now a direct line to the small jewelry store with minimal trepidation. Somewhere along the line, she'd snapped back into detective mode, from the frantic girlfriend mode, a small relief. "I got you your helicopter." She said, feigning indifference.

"I got you your hostages." Wayne Simms replied. She could practically hear him smiling on the other side of the line and if reality allowed it she would've reached through the phone and wiped the smirk permanently off his face…

"Anything else?" She asked coolly instead.

"You."

"You want me in there?" She repeated. She put her hand over the phone's mouthpiece and looked at the people around her. There was a mixture of the concerned, the angry, the scared, and the ones who cared. She only needed the okay from one person and she sought him out with a blazing stare.

Agent Nelson looked back at her. "You know we can't do that." He said slowly.

"Just swap me in for someone else," Lilly whispered fiercely. She could hear Wayne Simms hollering at her from inside the phone. They didn't have much time left.

Irritation surged in his eyes. "Sure, lemme just see what the policy is on our hostage exchange program." He spat with exasperation.

Frantically, Lilly turned her gaze to Vera and Miller. They had to support her right? They had to understand that staying out here while one of their own – no, not just one of their own, her boyfriend – was trapped in there. It just wasn't an option.

Kat nodded understandingly. "SWAT is in position." She reasoned. "Soon as they get a clear shot, they'll take it. You probably won't even have time to get into the building."

"I dunno." Nick said with concern. "If they're gonna shoot him any minute, what the point in Lil going in there?" He asked.

The question hung in the air until Lilly volunteered an answer. "It'll make him think we're still negotiating. That way we'll have a better chance." She said softly. She looked once again to Agent Nelson, who gave a reluctant nod.

Lilly turned away from them, not wanting anyone else to see the fear in her eyes. "Alright." She spoke into the phone. "I can come in there, but you're going to have to let someone else out."

He agreed readily. "How about this lovely partner of yours?" He offered. Lilly thought she could hear a muffled cry of protest from the other side. Maybe it was just wistful thinking. "He's getting on my nerves anyways."

Lilly started to nod, then realized with some chagrin that he couldn't see her. "Deal." She agreed.

"I'll send our friend down now." Came the reply from the cold voice. "But I'll be watching from the window. And if he steps one foot out of the building before you get in here… _boom._" He imitated a sound effect that was meant to scare her, but all Lilly could think of was one word. _The window._ If he'd be at the window, that meant their plan was working. She hung up and started to walk toward the mall, barely noticing when someone clipped a walkie talkie onto her belt and another person squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.

* * *

From her place behind the police barricades, Lilly had no idea it was such a long walk to the main doors of Fairhill Mall. But it was. It was long, empty, exposed, and just… _cold._ Lilly glanced back across the street, to the small apartment complex where sharp shooters were stationed on the 3rd story, directly opposite from Wayne Simms. She resisted the urge to look again, not wanting to give anything away, in case he was watching.

Unconsciously, she rubbed her arms against the cold. She was halfway there now and took a moment to glance from side to side. There was a fountain. It must have been beautiful in the summer, spitting clear water into the sky, but now it was just dreary, with some grey, frozen ice at the bottom. She thought maybe she could see Scotty, standing just on the inside of the doors, looking worried. Lilly felt the idea of a smile cross her mind, even in this situation. It would all be okay. Scotty didn't know that it would be over any minute now, that they were planning to shoot, that he wouldn't have to let her go in there…

Suddenly, Lilly heard a small voice crackle from nowhere and stopped dead in her tracks. _The walkie talkie. _She unclipped the electronic device, feeling an inexplicable sense of foreboding and brought it closer to her face.

"_Rush. They missed. SWAT missed, suspect is injured and fuckin' pissed. Do you copy? Evacuate the premise this minute. Rush! Get out of there." _

Lilly felt her heart stop, and she must have dropped the walkie talkie because the next minute she couldn't feel it in her hands anymore, but she didn't hear the meaningless plastic hit the tarmac. Her eyes fixed on the human form standing oblivious inside the door, _Scotty._ She had to get to Scotty.

She inhaled sharply and prepared to yell and scream for him to run out here now, but any noise she could've made was lost in an explosion of brick and mortar, raining down from the sky like lethal rain.

* * *

**Aw, I'm cruel aren't I? Leaving things like that? You'll forgive me, sometime, I'm sure. Meanwhile, would it be too much to ask for a little review for my efforts? If you're out there, gimme a shout out. Luv ya guys. **


	23. How To Save A Life

**Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. For a number of things, that I think you'll soon understand. Chapter title by The Fray. **

**Disclaimer: See all other chapters, please and thank you .

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**Chapter 23: How To Save A Life**

The force of the blast knocked Lilly off her feet and she flew backwards, her back slamming unforgivingly into the cold concrete. When she sat up blearily, the smoke all around made it hard to see. Quickly, she took stock of herself. Arms, legs, head. Good. Nothing damaged or missing. She leapt to her feet, and immediately someone was fussing over her.

"Detective. Detective, you need to come with me." Lilly swatted at the paramedic who was trying to affix an oxygen mask to her face. All of a sudden the place was swarming with them. Little figures ran toward the wreckage that was Fairhill Mall, now only half its original height and blazing with red flames. Her jaw dropped and she shook off the paramedic grasping in vain at her elbow.

"Scotty!" She yelled. She wasn't sure if anyone heard her. Without heeding her own safety, Lilly turned on her heel and ran toward the fire, bypassing cautious uniformed officers easily, but still feeling like she was moving much too slowly. "Scotty?"

She reached the edge of the building, or what was left of it anyways. A moment earlier, this was where Scotty had been standing. She was sure of it. She'd seen his outline, just inside the door, waiting for her. Then she'd stopped, picked up her walkie talkie. Why had she stopped?

Lilly's eyes traveled wildly over the splintered boards, chipped bricks, and scorched mortar. It wasn't like she hadn't seen things like this before, but it different, completely different, when someone you cared about was under there. _Completely, fucking different._

"Lil." Kat's hand was on her shoulder now, her eyes wide with fear, but Lilly was sure she could only be feeling half of what was in her own heart. Vera was next to her, panting from the run and looking thoroughly overwhelmed.

She struggled to find the right words, not able to tear her eyes away from the ground, looking for some hint of her stirring boyfriend. "Scotty… he was… I saw him." She managed to get breathless instructions out before turning back and rolling up her sleeves.

A cough.

_A cough._

All three detectives spun on the spot, zeroing in on the faint sound. A cough meant progress. A cough meant closeness. A cough meant _living._ It was Lilly who acted first, jumping into the rubble and shoving some aside. The pieces of the building, blasted apart, felt rough on her hands and her muscles ached with the effort.

Scotty.

She reached out a hand and he grabbed it, the strong pressure reassuring her beyond all other means. With her other hand, she swept aside a felled wooden beam as though it weighed less than nothing. To her, it weighed less than nothing. Nothing existed except the hand in hers and the eyes probing hers and the person quickly emerging from the ground.

"Son of a bitch…" Scotty gasped as Lilly pulled him onto solid ground. "Fuckin' bastard blew the place up. Three cops left in there…" He coughed again, putting a hand on his chest, and finding that his previously white dress shirt was ripped, untucked, and smeared with soot.

Maybe it was unprofessional and insensitive, but Lilly couldn't have cared less for the anonymous cops. All she could do was stare helplessly and thank her lucky stars. Scotty wasn't dead. Scotty wasn't hurt. And judging by the murderous look on his face, Scotty was more than okay.

"Shut up." She ordered, pulling him into a crushing embrace. "Shut up, you could've died… you idiot, you could've…" And then her breathing was coming in short gasps and she was hyperventilating. All she could do was keep holding on to him, relishing the feel of his body against hers. His solid, completely _alive _and okay body. She clung to Scotty for dear life while he buried his head into her neck.

"I'm okay." He promised. "It's over, Lil." He'd almost forgotten that his people were out here, that Lilly was waiting for him, that this nightmarish excuse for a case was finally, _finally_ over. All he could think were the ones he'd left behind. The three other detectives he'd worked with all after noon who were surely dead now…

But now that Lilly was here, next to him, pressed up against him, he had the urge to send up a not-so-silent thanks for just being alive. He remembered the promise he'd made to Nick, well more to himself, about Lilly. He remembered being terrified that he wouldn't get the chance to tell her he loved her. And this … it wasn't the right time, not even close. This was amid carnage and wreckage, while the frantic smell of fear permeated the air around them.

And it didn't matter.

Scotty captured her face in his hands, locking his dark eyes with her, still terrified, blue ones. The crumpled building around them melted away, along with the inconsequential paramedics, firefighters, and cops. Even their closest colleagues standing a few feet away meant nothing. This was the moment he'd agonized over, pictured in his head over and over again. He took a deep breath, right away sensing Lilly's confusion, and paused, wanting to taste the words the first time they rolled off his tongue.

"I love you, Lil."

* * *

"It's Valens." Nick said, starting to make his way toward the other two detectives as Lilly helped a coughing Scotty stand up. "Let's go…" He began, but Kat cut him off with a soft hand on his chest.

"Give them a minute." She said softly, watching as Lilly wrapped her arms around his neck. She'd seen the panic in Lilly's eyes tonight, and it was the likes of which she'd never witnessed before from the stoic blonde. Even when she'd been shot, and was being wheeled barely conscious to the hospital. Even when she'd woken up hours later, to the pain of a gunshot wound Kat knew all too well, her fear hadn't shown. This fear surpassed the fear for yourself, because it was fear for someone you loved, maybe without even knowing it.

Nick stood back to study his colleagues. They were saying something now, whispering in each other's ears and clinging that much harder. It reminded him of that time Veronica's school bus had wrapped itself around a pole on its way home during a thunderstorm one night. It was nothing more than a broken arm, but Kat and Nick had sat in the waiting room, biting their nails and crushing coffee cups and each other's hands. When they got to take their girl home, Nick had said those three little words for the first time. The first of many times.

He reached down and took Kat's hand. As expected, she gave him a scandalized glare and stared to back away. "Nick." She hissed, "What if they see us?"

"Ain't like they're keepin' any secrets any more." He remarked casually. And Kat saw that the way they were holding each other went way past partnerly. She agreed softly, letting their fingers intertwine without a word.

Kat knew in that moment that things had changed, between all four of them. There was no way Rush and Valens could continue denying their relationship to Nick, or continue swearing her to secrecy, not the way they were acting openly affectionate. And for them… maybe it was time for someone to know how happy they were too. Kat felt tears prick her eyes as she leaned against Nick's shoulder.

"And we ain't either."

* * *

Lilly's heart beat frantically as she pulled out of his arms and stared into his eyes. She stumbled back a few steps, the weight of his words falling onto her shoulders like a ton of bricks, startling her. Her eyes widened and she could see the worry and the _damn-did-I-really-just_ look in his eyes.

Scotty scrambled to backtrack, seeing the look in her eyes and realizing this was all too soon, too overwhelming, too un-Lilly. He scrubbed a hand frustratingly through his hair, finding it damp with sweat. He wasn't sure if it was from being trapped in a doomed building with an armed bomber, or the fact that he'd just spilled his guts to Lilly Rush and she was starting back at him as though he'd uttered something terrifying.

_No shit, Valens. You've only been dating for a month. _

In that moment, Scotty seemed to realize the severity of what he had said. "Lil, I'm sorry." He hastened. "I-I didn't mean-" He stopped halfway through, the reassuring words he could've conjured up dying on his lips.

He couldn't lie to her.

Instead he fell silent, hoping that the damage done was reparable, that she would accept his words, if not reciprocate them right away. _Just let her smile, shrug it off, whatever. Please…_

For her part, Lilly was completely frozen. She wondered if she should meet his eyes, then decided better of it. Seeing the smoldering, slightly fearful, but still defiant look in his eyes would only make matters worse. It would only make it harder for her to…

Scotty started to say something, and then he stopped, but for the life of her, Lilly couldn't repeat what he'd said aloud half a second ago. The words _I love you_ were still ringing in her ears, as if trying to mock her. _See that Lilly? He _loves_ you. Just like your mom loved you, and your sister loved you and all those other men loved you._

The voice in her head sneered at her, and in a flash, all the little repressed memories were dragged to the surface, barely concealed beneath her watery blue eyes. Every rejection and hurt of her life played before her, as if in an infinite, torturous loop. Watching her dad leave, watching her mom die, lying on her couch, and mournfully fingering a spare key… The list went on and on until they were choking out the air around her and she couldn't breathe.

Lilly took another step back, shaking her head to clear the fears that came unbidden to the surface. It didn't work. She started to turn around, hoping that she would be able to think straight when not under Scotty's desperate gaze. And then maybe he wouldn't see how much what he'd said scared her, how different it made things, how she couldn't _allow_ that to happen. Maybe if he wasn't looking at her like that, she could get a moment to just _think_.

Before she could take a step, Scotty reached out and grabbed her upper arm, keeping her rooted to the spot. "Lil." He pleaded weakly. "Don't…" _Don't what, Valens? _" Don't go. Just talk to me."

Lilly chewed on her lower lip, wondering what to say. She found herself stuttering slightly, "I'm glad you're okay." She began haltingly. _And I couldn't love you. I couldn't love anyone. Sorry about that._

"And?" Scotty prompted. His heart was pounding in his ears, and he took no heed to the crushing pressure of his hand on her arm. If it was keeping her from bolting, than it was working. At least for now, she was still here.

_What do I do?_ Lilly's eyes searched her surroundings, just barely taking in the rubble and the efforts of emergency personnel. She couldn't help but wonder if her and Scotty's relationship would be in that state by the end of the day, and if it was his fault for saying that, or her fault for not being able to take it. Realizing he was still expecting an answer, his hand around her arm, Lilly grasped at straws.

_Leave him. Before he leaves you. _

"Sorry. I can't." She muttered, wrenching her arm out of his hand with strength she didn't know she still possessed and immediately started to walk in the other direction. Away from all the chaos, figuratively and literally.

The cold, December air blew around her and Lilly felt a deep chill settle into her bones for the first time since getting out of the car that morning. She wasn't sure if it was because of the cold outside, or the sudden, non-abatable cold that had nestled somewhere next to her heart. Either way, she wrapped her arms around herself and broke into a run. Her vision blurred with tears that threatened to fall, but she kept running, and eventually her cheeks were so numb she thought maybe the pain had disappeared.

* * *

Scotty watched her walk away. Her steps rang in his ear, even though he knew it was physically impossible he was actually hearing them. They rang in his ear all the same. The slap of shoes against concrete, the sting of words against his heart. _Sorry. I can't. _

In the distance, he saw as Lilly got farther away, smaller and smaller, and then she picked up her pace, starting to run, toward her car, he presumed - not that it really mattered . The blond ponytail he loved to run his fingers through swung in the air, drooping slightly from all they'd been through in the past 24 hours. The drive, the talk, the disaster, the relief, and then the disaster again. Strangely, Scotty couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Maybe it was masochistic, self-deprecating, and just damn stupid, but he couldn't stop watching her run away from him.

"Hey Valens. You alright?" Scotty turned to find an FBI agent staring at him with worry. Agent What's-his-face. The name refused to come to mind, lost as a inconsequential detail in a roller coaster of a day. He put a reassuring hand on Scotty's shoulder. The young detective seemed mostly unharmed. Unlike the rest of his team…

Scotty almost laughed. "Nah. I ain't alright." He said quietly. He was surprised to find that he still had his voice. For sure, the last thing he said was 'I love you', right? He wasn't talking to anybody now. He wasn't.

The agent stared back. "You look like hell, man. Maybe you should go to the hospital."

Scotty just shook his head. He didn't need a hospital, that antiseptic smell and those frantic people. That was the last thing he needed. He needed… he needed to drink, to forget, to get so disoriented and inebriated that he could forget about the dazzling blonde who'd walked away with his shattered heart in tow.

He shivered, remembering that it was mid-December, cold, and he was wearing only a ripped white dress shirt. Yes, alcohol sounded good. Warmth and central heating… just an added bonus, something to help numb the utter disbelief that he'd been so stupid to, once again, mess everything up.

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**I was afraid Lilly would go and do this. Can they fix it? Read on and find out! LOL, if you have a sec, leave me a review. I love hearing from you guys. **


	24. Miserable At Best

**I got this up as sooon as I could, I really did. Did I tell you guys I really really appreciate your reviews? If not, then *grins widely* thanks a bunch (: Not much action in this chapter, but I think we've had enough of that for a while, right? Chapter title and lyrics by Mayday Parade.

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**Chapter 24: Miserable At Best**

**_I can live without you, but  
without you I'll be miserable at best…_**

Lilly arrived back at the hotel, tossing her keys on the table somewhere and heading straight for the bathroom. Along the way, she tried to rub some heat back into her shivering arms. She'd forgotten that Scotty had given Nick the keys to the only car when he took off with the Feds, which left her to walk the five blocks back to their hotel. It wasn't long, but it was cold, and that cold had settled deep into her bones. A moment later, she was running the tap with hot water, savoring its feel on her frozen fingertips and her numb cheeks.

When Lilly finally looked up, she almost didn't recognize the person staring back in the mirror. The past twenty four hours had obviously taken a lot out of her. The nearly sleepless night was nothing new, though it sure didn't help, and it was probably responsible for most of the rings under her eyes. She was used to covering those in her pre-Scotty days. But it was more than lack of sleep that put the empty look in her blue orbs and the pale, almost translucent hue in her face. Lilly leaned heavily against the sink, her fingers clenched around the rim. She would never admit it to anyone, but it was costing her everything just to breathe in and out, and in and out, and in and out…

_Ignore it Rush._ A little voice in her head was telling her to disregard the acute pain in her heart. It would go away with time, it always did. People loved her, and eventually left her, and it always hurt… but only for a little while. Lilly had learned, after bruising up her heart time and time again, that there came a point when the angry purple spot dulled to something almost forgotten. Still painful when prodded, but almost forgotten. And some days if she worked really hard, it would be completely forgotten.

That's what she had to do now, Lilly realized with a sinking heart, just forget. She cringed a little at the harshness of her own thoughts. Because like it or not, Lilly never forgot. She worked cold cases for God's sake, she was meant to dredge up the past, to flip stones and dig holes until she got to the bottom of things, until she got to give a family some peace… Kind of inconvenient when all she wanted to do about her own life was forget it ever happened.

_Oh, the irony._ Lilly mused as she finally gathered enough strength to push herself away from the bathroom sink and into the small room. She almost started with surprise when she realized that it wasn't her own room she was walking back into. It was always her room when the walls were closing in around her, the sanctuary of her own home. _Well, this is new._

Suddenly, Lilly was at a loss as to what to do. She flicked on the small TV, sitting at the edge of her bed and flipping through the channels for a few minutes, and then tossed the remote to the side. She hadn't noticed how barren the walls were in here the first time, or how the toned down colors just seemed to add to the overall melancholy. Now, she supposed, it left nothing to do but think on the events of that day.

And to her chagrin, her thoughts went immediately to the fateful exchange with Scotty she was hoping to put off.

_I love you_.

Lilly winced, knowing that whatever amazing thing had happened between her and Scotty in the last month was over. There was no way they could go on with him feeling like that about her, or claiming to anyway. Lilly seriously doubted he could really, _truly_ be in love with her. Who did that? Fell in love in a matter of weeks? And if there did exist people like that, they weren't good for her. No. The more likely possibility was that Scotty had confused being _infatuated_ with being in love. Understandable, since Lilly knew this was the longest relationship he'd been in since Elisa.

But the point was it didn't matter. If he didn't really love her, then she was doing the right thing. Walking away, her heart, for the most part, unscathed, was the best thing to do for both of them. Sure, he'd be hurt at first, that she'd took off at his claim to love her, but he would be okay. He would recover. After Elisa, there was absolutely nothing he couldn't recover from. And in the long run, he would realize that he didn't really love his partner all that time ago, and what a relief it was that he didn't get entangled. In a few weeks, or at most a few months, there'd be a new woman by his side, and he'd put that smile back on his face as his life went on as planned.

For her, it meant reverting back to her old ways of takeout for one and her cats for company. Lonely, Lilly sighed, as she swiped her bangs away from her eyes. But still, okay. Just like he would be, she would learn to be okay. Accept the fact that he didn't love her, and she didn't love him, that their short fling was over. No new Scotty Scar alongside the Patrick, Joseph, Christina, Mom ones. If he didn't really love her, than it really was for the best that he'd gone and said that today, and that it'd affected Lilly as though she'd been slapped out of a dream.

Because over the past month, Lilly found herself constantly aching for his presence. It was as if she was the teenager she never got to be. Breaking the rules that had long been chiseled in stone, dating the one person who was all kinds of wrong, but all kinds of right at the same time. Being wild, taking a chance, stretching her long rusted wings to take a test flight, so to speak, and finding that she could still fly. It had been amazing, Lilly realized, to be up in the air again, and for all the crap that had piled up over the years to disappear under the radar for once. It was freeing. Scotty was the gust of wind, soft but infuriatingly insistent, that had pushed her off the precipice she'd been teetering on and off for years. Together, they'd soared to heights the likes of which Lilly had never seen, and she'd never _ever_ felt like that before.

But that was then. That was before Scotty said he loved her and Lilly realized what she doing. Those three little words had brought her careening back to earth. Putting her job, and her life as she knew it at risk. If word got out about them, there was no telling what would happen. The guidelines and regulations they had chosen to ignore would become painfully clear, and there was a good chance one or both of them could lose their jobs. That was unacceptable.

Lilly knew, from years of experience, who she was. That night years ago, when she'd stood in a dark attic with George Marks, pointing a gun and trying to convince herself that she could shoot him without becoming like him. When he'd told her everyone eventually fades away from her, and that she was alone… Lilly hadn't shown it then. She remembered facing her colleagues, seeing the worried looks on their faces and walking right past them, never allowing her eyes to drop to the ground, or her shoulders to slump with the defeat and exhaustion she'd felt.

When she got home that night, she'd sat on her window ledge in an almost paralyzed state, watching the wind gust outside, pushing around the dust that never seemed to settle, just as it was in the recesses of her mind. Sometime before dawn she'd decided exactly what she was made up of. And that morning, she'd gone to work with a renewed determination, knowing it was all that kept the pain, fear, and loneliness inside her; all that kept her going; her lifeline; her tether.

Lilly reasoned that it was probably her job that had gotten her through the next couple of years, and what a couple of years they'd been - not in a good way, either. There was Joseph, and Ray coming back, which had somehow twisted itself into one giant mess. Then her mother, and getting shot. She shivered a little, not wanting to go into those memories. All in all, when Scotty came along with his wide eyes and hopeful, cocky smile, Lilly had all but jumped right in, figuring a little _good_ would be a nice change. A whole month later, here she was, back where she started. Stuck.

Because she couldn't love him. She just _couldn't_. Sex and a cute little 'relationship' as he liked to call it. That was acceptable. That was safe. That was still in cut-and-run-if-necessary territory. Even the words she'd accidently uttered in the car last night, them in the long run, that was something she could deal with. But love? That was a whole other ball game, and Lilly knew, with a sinking heart, that it wasn't her ball game. Not now. Not again. Not ever.

Suddenly annoyed with the path her thoughts had chosen to take, Lilly leapt from the bed and lowered herself down next to her overnight bag. Some comfortable clothes, that's all she would need, that and maybe some food, to start feeling normal again. This… this thinking on things that were over and done with, it wasn't her, and she found she didn't like it at all. It was done. Scotty was just another guy. And if they could both get out of this, friendship and partnership intact, personnel files free from 'Affair with Partner' stamped in with accusatory red ink, then it would all be for the best. Doing her best to convince herself of what her brain so desperately wanted, Lilly retrieved a cotton long sleeve t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

The fabric seemed inviting somehow, and she pressed the warm, soft cotton into her face, inhaling deeply. It smelled like a curious combination of her home, her cats, and… Lilly stumbled backward, the harmless article of clothing twisting like an unwanted paper airplane in her hands as they clenched. Like Scotty. Even her favorite fucking sweatpants smelled like Scotty. They smelled like lounging around on the couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon, cuddling together with her cats; they smelled like impulsively smearing pancake batter on his face that morning, when they kept burning and he kept laughing; they smelled like rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and finding him right in front of her, kissing her.

For the first time that afternoon, Lilly felt the pressure of tears behind her eyes grow alarmingly strong as a lump swelled in the back of her throat. She forced the feeling down once again, just like she always did. It always worked. _Just slow down, take a deep breath, and remember. You are Detective Lilly Rush. You're tough, a fighter. You can do this. You don't need him. _

_You're Lilly. Rush. Lone wolf cop. _

The anger, frustration, and pain so raw it startled her rose up and Lilly flung the offending article of clothing at the bathroom door, watching as it sailed much too slowly through the air, met cold wood and dropped harmlessly to the floor. With a quiet gasp, she followed suit, closing her eyes and sitting down heavily on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. Against her will, she felt a tear roll down her face, and didn't bother to turn around and anxiously check to make sure the door was locked. Still, instinct told her to purse her lips together, stifling the quiet sobs.

She was so caught up in her own little spiraling world, and trying to keep it all silent, that when the jangle of her cell phone pierced the air around her she jumped visibly. Lilly took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. When she felt up to it, well as much as she could be, she reached for the cell phone clipped on her belt and glanced at the caller ID. She was too confused, upon seeing the name. She had to answer the phone.

"Alex?" Lilly asked. She hoped the waver in her voice wouldn't be too obvious, and when her neighbor went on as though she didn't know she'd been crying, Lilly breathed a soft sigh of relief.

"Lil!" Cried an exuberant, though slightly annoyed, voice, managing to be giddy even from 5 hours away on crappy cell phone reception. "Where the hell you been, girl?"

Lilly frowned. "I'm, uh," _In some dingy little hotel room wondering why the hell I'm such a screw up. _"Not at home."

She heard a derisive snort and couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her lips. It was definitely her neighbor all right. "Yeah, I got that much sweetie. Liv and three legged one need feeding you know?"

"Oh my God!" Lilly almost slapped a palm to her forehead. How could she have been so stupid? To go away for a few days without even dropping a line for her neighbor to drop by and fill the food bowls every once and a while? She stumbled a bit over her next words. "I- Are they- the girls, did you?"

She laughed, and Lilly slumped in relief. "I got your back." She said.

Hearing her neighbor's kind reassuring voice made tears well up in Lilly's eyes again. Here was a complete stranger, who had no idea of the mess she was in, being so nice to her. Why hadn't she ever thanked her for all she does? "Thanks." Lilly mumbled.

Of course, instead of accepting the gratitude and moving on, Alexandra Gilden had to make things difficult for her. "You _should_ thank me," She said, mock seriousness bleeding into her voice. "The white one stared at me again, seriously, don't know how you and Liv put up with her."

"Hey." Lilly protested weakly, glad for some semblance of normal in what could count among the most confusion days of her life. "Her name is Tripod, and she likes some people." Not her best retort ever, she had to admit.

"Yeah, like who?"

Lilly fell silent again, knowing she could only conjure up one person in mind's eye. Scotty Freaking Valens. The snowy white, three legged cat purred for Scotty, and no one else. The realization only brought their exchange from earlier that day back to the forefront of her mind, and Lilly let out of a small sniffle.

"What is it, Lil?" Her neighbor asked immediately. _Damn, she should be the detective, not me._ Lilly thought immediately. "Tell me." Alex commanded quietly, and even over the phone, Lilly knew she wouldn't lie. She didn't have it in her.

"Long day." She said truthfully, rubbing her forehead in exhaustion. "_Long,_" She repeated for emphasis. "day."

"Oh." And then she knew to pause just long enough for Lilly to gather her thoughts and continue.

"And I want to go home." Lilly felt, rather than heard herself whispering. She wondered if Alex heard her, and a few seconds later she knew she had.

"What's stopping you?" She asked brightly. "Hop a plane and get out of whatever dirt town you're in 'cause I think it's messing with your head." The words caught in Lilly's throat, but it didn't matter much because Alex seemed to understand with a small 'oh' of surprise. "It's that guy isn't it?"

Lilly started. "What guy?" She stammered slightly.

"The one from a month ago, all nervous to ask me to let him in your house and trying to keep what you kids got going a secret." Her reply brought back memories of Scotty going out of his way to change her curtains, blaming himself so much about her getting shot that there was a still a fist sized dent on the end of her bed. And Lilly's lower lip quivered as she answered.

"Yeah, him."

"What's up about him?" Alex asked immediately, as though they were having a perfectly normal conversation about the weather, or a sports game, as though Lilly hadn't just ended the best thing that had happened to her in a long time.

"It's complicated." She replied shortly.

"Actually, it ain't complicated at all. He do something to hurt you?" She inquired.

Lilly paused for a brief minute. She was definitely hurt, but that was more her fault for bolting that Scotty's for saying… the things he'd said. But still, he'd said it, when he knew she wasn't ready. "Yeah." Lilly replied.

Alex seemed surprised, "on purpose?"

"No." Lilly immediately answered. She didn't have to think on that one. Scotty just said whatever came to mind. It wasn't his fault that the things that came to mind were her kryptonite, her one weakness, the one thing she couldn't handle.

She could almost hear Alex beaming. "Men, huh? Idiots. Don't know when to shut the hell up." She laughed at Lilly's shocked silence. "It don't take a detective to realize what he did to you. Got in too far right? Rocked the boat when you were perfectly happy with just floating?"

A wave of relief washed over her. Good, the painful explanation didn't need to be uttered. "Yeah."

"The way I see it, Lil. You got one of two choices. Come home without him and wallow up in your house until the day you feel like getting back on the horse. Or, you can find him, work things out, and come home _with _him."

"You don't understand." Lilly muttered, picking at the thread on the carpet.

There was a short pause. "Maybe not, but I know you're happy with him." She said softly after a moment. "I dunno, maybe that's enough to keep trying?" She let the words sink in for a few seconds then brightly declared that she had to go pick her kids up and ensured Lilly she would stop by and clean the house a bit later on. Lilly thanked her numbly, then flipped the phone closed.

As she lowered her phone to the ground, Lilly felt the dull ache that had settled in her heart that afternoon lessen a little, giving way to anxiety. What if she was right? What if Scotty was her last chance at happiness? What if he, with his annoying quirks and smoldering glances, was _the one?_ Lilly quickly backtracked. _The one? Get real, Rush. _

Lilly shook her head slightly, trying to see the facts objectively. She couldn't deny that Scotty made her happy. In the last month there had been times she laughed more than she thought she could handle, slept more than a person should, ate more meals in bed than was healthy, and had more sex than was probably decent. It was blissful. Spending lazy afternoons with him, and hectic days with him, and quiet kisses together.

That's not to say they hadn't had their share of hardship in a short little month either. The painful confessions that marked the beginning of their relationship, her ending up in the hospital again somewhere in between, getting sick, ending up in Portland, and of course, the events of this afternoon. But with a start of surprise, Lilly realized that they'd gotten through all that. Confessing that she was struggling had been what she needed to move on, and to convince Scotty it wasn't his fault. Getting hurt, getting sick, it'd shown her a tenderness in Scotty she couldn't even begin to imagine before. Maybe this could turn out well too, maybe it wasn't completely over.

With another startling realization, Lilly began to wonder if maybe he'd been telling the truth. Maybe he did love her. And he'd been loving her for far longer than the time they'd made it official by and put a label on their relationship. Casting her memory back further, Lilly zeroed in on the numerous worried glances he'd sent her way over the years, every time she came into work with a few hours less sleep under her belt; the way the lights in his eyes faded for those few months she was angry with him, and barely spoke; the earnest, endearing ways in which he strived to make her laugh, and the way it worked for the most part; the way he just understood things, when no one else did. And since the official start of _them_, the way he took care of her; the way he knew when to tread lightly around her, and when to push a little; the way he kept their secret…

_Oh my God. He loves me. And I told him I… _

Suddenly realizing she was completely spent, Lilly raised herself up and immediately collapsed on her bed, yawning widely. She'd go talk to Scotty tomorrow, when she was looking a bit less like a walking ghost. Maybe they could salvage something between them. They'd made it through all that, they could make it through this too. And if he really loved her, like she thought maybe he did, he'd give her at least until morning to think and to apologize, wouldn't he?

* * *

**Wonder what Scotty is doing at this exact moment... LOL. anyhow, leave me a review if you feel inclined to. **


	25. If You Don't Wanna Love Me

**Before anyone yells at me, I had several reasons I delayed in getting this chapter up. First, it was having the flu *sniff sniff*, and then it was a lack of inspiration and of motivation. But here you are, long overdue... Chapter title by James Morrison.

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**Chapter 25: If You Don't Want To Love Me**

_Because these words were never easier  
for me to say, and her to second guess _

The bar was too far away.

That was Scotty's first problem. In his thoroughly numb, disbelieving, almost catatonic state, he hadn't quite managed to find his car, let alone remember if he was carrying a set of keys, which left him no choice but to walk. He wasn't quite sure where he was walking to, having barely been out of Philadelphia his entire life, but at least he was moving. That was a hell of a lot better than being frozen to the spot, at the sight of the greatest disaster Portland had probably seen in a while. So he kept walking.

The people on the street gave him cursory looks, sizing him up, wondering why some beat up stranger was wandering the winter streets without a jacket. No one dared approach him, probably for fear it would provoke whatever mental illness he had. _Let them stare._ Scotty mused miserably, keeping his eyes defiantly forward.

A little while later, he found himself outside the hotel they'd checked into that morning, standing across the street. The sun was starting to set, and Scotty could just make out the glowing yellow squares that represented people with their lights on. He wondered if Lilly was sitting in one of those rooms, wondered if she was feeling as bad as he was, or if she was wandering the streets somewhere too. He was torn, wishing she was out here, so maybe he could see her bright blue eyes again, and wishing she was inside, where it was warm and safe. Absentmindedly, Scotty began to count the numbers down to Lilly's room. Three Floors up. One, two, three, four windows from the left. Or was that five? From the right?

_Ain't like it matters_, Scotty sighed, looking left and right for cars before jogging across the street to the front door of the hotel. He knew he should get as far away from Lilly as possible, but like bees to honey, here he was, gravitating toward the one place he knew. If the world fell down while he was there, at least Lilly would be near him. If she needed him, he could be there. _'Sides, _Scotty rationalized, almost petulantly; _hotel's got a damn bar._

* * *

Many shots of liquor later, and after a significant rise is Scotty's blood alcohol level, he was still sitting at the bar, watching the swirls in his drink and realizing that he wasn't drunk enough. Not if his mind kept conjuring up a certain dazzling blond. He took another gulp of the scorching liquid, finishing it off and promptly ordered another. Scotty barely registered the fact that he'd have a hell of a hangover tomorrow. He could deal with that tomorrow, forgetting Lilly Rush was filling up his plate for tonight.

To his chagrin, the more he drank, the more Lilly's image sprang, unbidden, to his mind. He could feel his senses dulling, his vision blurring a little and his mind working more slowly, but all that only brought her into clearer focus. _She ain't someone you just forget_, Scotty realized, still gazing mutinously into his drink, as though blaming it for not taking away the completely cognitive way he could see his girlfriend's face in his mind.

"'Nother one." He muttered to the bartender, indicating his empty glass, and his intention to keep drinking until he passed out.

The bartender, a middle aged, and heavy set man approached him cautiously, as though having seen too many drunken, miserable people in his day, and was wondering wearily whether or not Scotty would take a swing at him. "I'm gonna need your keys." He said slowly.

Scotty scowled at him, digging in his pocket until he heard a familiar jangling. He deposited the keys into the bartender's awaiting hands, and was rewarded with another drink. He gratefully took a sip. It burned its way down his throat, giving him a moment's reprieve from the onslaught of Lilly.

_Damn it._ Scotty gripped, his hand clenching around his glass. He knew it. He just _knew_ there was a reason he'd stalled in saying he loved her. And here it fucking was. She'd bolted, like he feared she would. That's why he'd put it off so long, burying the words in his heart instead of saying them out loud. Damn Nick Vera for convincing him to say it. Damn Wayne Simms for blowing up a building and making Scotty feel like life was freaking short.

And damn Scotty for falling in love with her in the first place.

He knew, he knew right from the start that Lilly had issues. Abandonment, and commitment, and family, and a whole shitload of other problems that he hadn't even begun to tackle. Problems that he was planning on fixing for her, someday, if given the chance. But he couldn't stop himself from showing up at her house that night, just as he couldn't stop himself from dragging her headfirst into this relationship afterwards. This relationship that was completely crazy…

Him and her. Scotty Valens and Lilly Rush. He almost chuckled bitterly. If someone had told him the day he'd met Lilly that they would end up together, he would've suggested they check themselves into an asylum. Sure, he'd noticed her the moment they'd met, her slim figure and gorgeous blue eyes, but any romantic thoughts were quashed when he'd gotten to know the tough as nails cops she really was. Not his type. His type was… soft, delicate, endearingly innocent and just a bit dependant. That's why, throughout the years, when people asked about him and his partner, he'd always vehemently denied it, and denied even considering it, because.. that was, quite honestly, how he'd felt.

And then… somewhere along the way, Scotty wasn't quite sure when, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it was quite early on, he'd caught glimpses of the woman Lilly was behind the job, and the mask. And he was enchanted. Every little tidbit of information she shared with him, sometimes inadvertently, only fueled a desire to know more, to keep chipping at her walls, to reach for the next foothold that would bring him closer to crossing over to the other side.

Sometimes, he'd been downright reckless. Flirting openly and making excuses to brush his hand against hers, most likely the source of all the rumors. They'd gotten used to this, Scotty realized, and that was the entire reason he didn't come out of those unguarded moments with a black eye. Slowly, bit by bit, Lilly Rush started to trust him, even flirted back on occasion. Maybe it was that that galvanized Scotty into knocking on her door that night, over a month ago, or maybe it was just getting fed up with seeing her so damn tired, and sad all the time.

Either way, it didn't really matter how it started, just how it ended, with him admitting an incredibly true, though incredibly stupid thing.

_I love you._

Another gulp of scotch.

_Sorry. I can't._

Pours the rest down his throat.

Scotty gave the extra alcohol a moment to settle in, hoping it would give his system the extra kick necessary into oblivion. He didn't particularly like the taste of alcohol, the way it burned his throat and made tears prick his eyes when he drank too much at once, but it was effective, he had to admit. Drink 'til it stops hurting. Scotty remembered the only other time he'd turned to alcohol for comfort, and the only other woman he'd ever felt the need to say 'I love you' to, Elisa.

But they were young then. They were kids, barely into their awkward teens when they met for the first time. It was just assumed that they would end up together, even by both sets of parents, although, Scotty could admit, thinking back, that neither set of parents was particularly happy about it. They were Scotty, and Elisa, and then they were ScottyandElisa. When she got sick - Scotty paused to take another sip of his drink, cautious this time - he'd sworn that come hell or high water, he was going to be by her side. Ultimately, he'd failed, of course, just as he failed convince Lilly he loved her.

Before any more self-deprecating thoughts could fill his head, Scotty felt two shadows approach him and settle themselves on barstool on either side of him. Neither shadow said anything, and Scotty wished they would just leave him the hell alone, to his grief, and his chosen method of coping. Couldn't they see he was trying to get drunk in peace?

One shadow shifted uncomfortably, but in Scotty's alcohol hazed mind, the movement seemed hostile, threatening. It was obvious to Scotty that the stranger was awkwardly fumbling for a gun, probably about to shoot the whole place up. Impulsively, Scotty spun around, fully prepared to whip out his own weapon, engage in a fierce gun battle, and just maybe get his wish of blacking out for a little while… And then he saw who it really was, and the energy drained out of him a second. Will Jeffries.

Scotty grinned widely. "What the hell are you doin' here, man?" He asked loudly, clapping his colleague on the back. "Damn, I was gonna shoot you." He laughed again, the hollow sound not lost on the older detective.

"Nick and I just wanted to see how you were doing." Will replied smoothly. It was almost as if he couldn't tell Scotty was barely hanging on to the last shreds of control.

Scotty spun in his seat, and sure enough, found himself face to face with Nick Vera, who gave a small, half-hearted wave, looking thoroughly uncomfortable with this situation. He didn't like being in other people's business. Nick reasoned, and this… this was so far into Rush and Valens' business that it made him want to run in the other direction, lest he be crushed by the drama train.

"You okay?" Nick asked cautiously, surveying his ruined clothing and tired appearance. He sure as hell didn't look okay.

Scotty made a show of glancing down into his alcohol meaningfully, and then thinking for a second. "Yup." He replied brightly, bravely attempting a smile. "Fan-freaking-tastic." He couldn't quite manage to keep the bitter sarcasm out of his voice.

Will and Nick exchanged a brief glance, but neither of them spoke. They knew their colleague was in pain, probably a whole hell of a lot considering the way he was practically inhaling that alcohol. Even Will knew about the cutting and running that Lilly had done, having been informed by a slightly aghast Nick on the way here.

"Hey, how'd you two clowns know I'd be here anyway?" Scotty slurred, attempting to sound menacing, with a 'stay the hell out of my business' voice, or at the very least annoyed. He wasn't sure if he quite managed it. "You been followin' me?"

Nick chuckled despite the grim situation. "No need, bro. Knew you'd be here." In reality, they'd had to check 3 bars before finally coming back to the hotel. They hadn't know there was a bar down here, and were fully planning to see if Kat had any luck with Lilly. But here he was… just unable to tear himself away.

"Yeah, how?" Scotty asked, frowning. In his addled state, he couldn't quite work out how they'd guessed he'd be here, out of millions of square feet of sprawling land.

"It's what I'd do." Will replied softly. He gave Scotty a knowing smile, one that he wasn't sure the younger detective could quite comprehend. He decided to elaborate. "We know about you and Lil, and…" He paused awkwardly, "… what happened."

"Don't - talk to me - about Lil." Scotty growled, the mere mention of her name aloud sending twin shots of anger and pain through his veins, despite the fact that her face had been swimming in his head for the past hour.

"I know you love her." Will pointed out. He could see the vein pulsing in Scotty's temple, and the way he clenched his jaw to keep from lashing out. He pressed on, ignoring the alarmed glare from Nick's direction. "Man in love can't hide it forever. It was bound to come out and-"

"Shut up." Scotty muttered, staring down at the table.

"-And I don't care what running she did." Will continued, unabashed.

"SHUT UP!" Scotty stood up suddenly, knocking over his drink as his world tilted alarmingly. He fought a second for balance, forgetting to be mad at Will Jeffries, as the amber liquid trickled toward the floor.

Will's next words were barely above a whisper, but in the quiet that had settled into the already sparsely populated bar at Scotty's outburst, it seemed strikingly loud. "Point is, what are you gonna do now?"

Scotty remained standing, letting the words sink in, and they, unlike the alcohol, seemed to be having their intended effect, if the satisfied smirk on Nick's face was any indication. As he sat down slowly, Scotty felt the façade he was attempting to put up for his colleagues fade away.

"What can I do?" He asked helplessly. "Lil's - she's got, issues-"

"Well, she's a woman, Valens." Nick quipped lightly, hoping to lighten the situation. "What d'you expect? Easy?"

"Kinda, yeah." Scotty attempted a small smile. In that moment he realized that he always thought him and Lilly would just… work out. They'd fought through more than their share of problems in the last month, more than most budding relationships could handle, but… somehow, he knew, that they would always have each other. And in some childish part of his brain, or rather his heart, Scotty Valens truly believed that if they had each other, it was logical that any problems would be easy to tackle.

Now that he saw the true enormity of the problem he was facing, Lilly's demons and her scars, he wasn't so sure anymore.

"And now that it ain't easy, you ain't even gonna go back and keep tryin'?" Nick asked incredulously. "Since when does Scotty Valens freakin' give up."

Scotty buried his head in his hand with a loud groan. That and there was exactly the problem. Well, putting aside the fact that Lilly had shattered his heart that afternoon. If he went back, Scotty knew one of two things could happen. He could get his heart broken all over again, or he could get her back, for the time being, because the issues would surface again, she'd get scared, or he'd do something stupid, and they would be right back where they started. Scotty wasn't sure if he could handle that.

"She said…" Scotty began, a waver in his voice. "I said… I love you, an' she, said 'Sorry'. How the hell am I supposed to…" He trailed off.

"Lil, loves you." Will promised reassuringly. "Or else she wouldn't have been in this so long." At Scotty's alarmed glance, Will added something about knowing for weeks that they were involved, and then continued his original thought. "It's just her past talking."

A deep sadness filled Scotty's voice. "Yeah, well… I want to, but I ain't… superman. I can't _fix_ her." He admitted. "An' I can't keep failin'."

Nick and Will exchanged a worried look. This was the first time they'd seen Scotty admit he wasn't in control of everything; the first time they'd seen him starting to give up. It was, frankly, incredibly alarming.

There was silence for a long moment, as Will and Nick both wracked their brains for how to tell this new, broken, Scotty that he wasn't failing anyone, that he didn't need to be superman. Words that they couldn't seem to articulate, nor that Scotty would believe. A while later, Scotty looked up. "Pathetic, huh?" He asked aloud.

He barely registered his colleagues shaking their heads, and he felt no inclination to keep talking. They'd gotten into his business far enough for one night, and, like it or not, he still had half a secret to protect. Even when she was gone, he felt bad speaking openly of their relationship, as though it was a betrayal of sorts.

The silence stretched on, until Nick spoke, in an emotional voice so unlike his own, "If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you, you ain't gotta worry about that."

Scotty swallowed. That was the question, wasn't it? If it was meant to be… If she loved him back… If he had the strength to keep trying… If he was man enough to fight for her… If she cared that he was hurting… If they would last forever…

As his colleagues quietly retreated to their respective parts of the hotel, the questions continued to swirl in Scotty's head. If….

And he started to fear the answer was 'no'.

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**Yikes, Scotty isn't doing so good. Please leave me a review if you got a minute (:I could really use the encouragement/criticism/ideas/anything you want...  
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	26. The Trouble WIth Love Is

**Phew. Got this one up without the month's delay :D. BeTheOne/Allie: 'You know what' is doing perfectly fine thanks (:  
I'm sorry I don't have time to reply to each and every one of you who review, but you gotta know I appreciate it so so much. Chapter title by Kelly Clarkson. **

**Disclaimer: HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I may possess about 50 dollars worth of candy to hand out to little kiddies on my street, but the deal on Cold Case has yet to be signed.

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**Chapter 26: The Trouble With Love Is**

Kat Miller was the new girl of homicide. At least, that's the way she'd always seen herself. Sort of on the outside of a well balanced and long established team dynamic. Joining the squad just over a year ago was a dream come true, career wise, but personally, well… she'd always felt like a temporary replacement, partnerless and expendable.

Oh, how wrong she'd turned out to be.

In that one short year her life had been turned upside down, particularly when Nick Vera showed up out of nowhere and turned out to be exactly what she and V needed. In a way, Kat guess wryly, her life had been turned rightside up, and after all those years of celibacy, it felt right again. Against her will, the corners of her lips twitched in a smile. Yes, joining homicide had become much more _personal_ than she expected it to be.

Much, much more personal, Kat griped as she tapped her foot with irritation and jammed the button for level three repeatedly. The elevator ground to a halt on the third floor and a moment later the doors slid open with a quiet creak and Kat strode purposefully toward her and Lilly's room. She couldn't believe she was playing the role of moderator to Valens and Rush's love lives. This was so far into the business of the squad, that despite still being partnerless, Kat couldn't see herself as the outside girl anymore.

"Lil?" Kat slid the electronic key card into the slot and eased the door gently open. True to her cop training, she immediately did a sweep of the room, taking in the discarded cell phone and sweatpants on the floor by Lilly's bed, and Lilly lying in it. "You awake?"

Lilly stirred, turning around to face her colleague. "Hey…" She said softly.

Kat sighed with exhaustion and deposited her jacket on her own bed, waiting for Lilly to speak. A long moment of silence stretched between them, with Lilly unwilling to say anything and Kat still too weary from her journey here to push. Finally, she asked, "You gonna give me the info I need, or am I gonna have to beat it outta you?"

"Don't know what you're talking about." Lilly countered immediately, suddenly feeling nothing but irritation at her meddling colleague. Wasn't it enough that over the last few hours, she'd gone from complete denial, to agonizing worry that what she'd said was irreparable? Wasn't it enough that the best relationship of her life was over? Did Kat have to come along and pour salt in her wounds?

Kat snorted. "You don't know, huh? Well, then care to tell me why Valens is missing?" Kat hoped the hard edge to her voice would tell Lilly, in no uncertain terms, that this was interrogator mode, not friend mode. It was damn hard to use it when Lilly was already looking so… lost.

Fear suddenly flashed into Lilly's eyes. Scotty was, _missing?_ Missing like, unlocated, or missing like abducted? "Where is he?" She asked urgently, sitting bolt upright.

"Fine." Kat answered immediately. "He's fine, but…" She dropped the interrogator tone and leaned in, compassion written all over her face and woven into her tone. "What the hell happened?"

_Fine._ Lilly mused bitterly. He was fine. Of course, she wouldn't have wished anything less for him. She wholeheartedly wanted and expected him to be okay with their little _fling_ to have ended.

Right?

Suddenly, the hurt she was feeling indicated differently, and in an instant, Lilly knew. She wanted him to care, so much that he wasn't still fine, despite the fact that she was trying to convince herself to do exactly the opposite. But Kat was waiting for an answer, so Lilly pushed her thoughts away and scrambled for one. "He's fine, huh?" She managed to ask. "Well then I guess nothing happened." She couldn't quite keep the sadness from her voice. "Everything's the same as it was before."

"Don't even think 'bout lyin' to me, girl." Kat snapped. And Lilly marveled at her colleague's ability to switch between personas, so fast it made her dizzy. Maybe she was dizzy before.

She faltered. "I-I'm… Me and Scotty, it's just…"

"Start at the beginning." Kat requested patiently, knowing a full story would be necessary to dissect through today's carnage. Besides, she and Lil had never gotten that girl-to-girl confrontation about the fact that Lilly was seeing her partner, and as a good friend, and the genius who'd figured it out, Kat figured she deserved as much.

"It was - a mistake." Lilly admitted reluctantly, and at Kat's incredulous glare, she backtracked. "Not the…_relationship…_ how it all started. What happened after was on purpose."

"How'd it start?"

Lilly sighed, but felt relief that she could explore these memories without the crushing despair she'd felt before. "Scotty came to my place and he said a lot of stuff and we ended up…" She trailed off awkwardly at Kat's disgusted squeak.

"Hey, there's some things I don't gotta know…" She paused for a second. "But it sounds like Casanova fully wooed you.

Lilly picked up the edge of the pillow case and rubbed it absentmindedly with her fingers. "I guess."

Minus the 'wooing' as Kat colloquially put it, Lilly figured that's exactly what Scotty did. Amaze and transfix her with how much brighter he made things, make her ache for his presence and mourn his absence. He'd chipped, slowly and surely at her walls, until one day, she'd looked around and found them almost level with the ground.

"You ever thought of Valens like that before?" Kat pressed. She could sense Lilly's discomfort at being forced to talk about something so personal, and so prohibited by all sorts of regulation. _Her fault for sleepin' with her partner. An' for… whatever the hell went down today._

A few moments later, Lilly reluctantly nodded. At Kat's surprised look, she added, with just a touch of humor. "I'm not oblivious Kat. Scotty and me, I think there's always been… or there was… _something._" Lilly finished, a tad desperately.

Kat hooked on to one of Lilly's words easily. "Was?"

The pain returned in a wave and Lilly was startled by its force. It was over. In the sobering presence of Kat Miller, Lilly knew that any delusions she'd had about Scotty forgiving her, them talking it out, coming to an agreement… they were just that, delusions. Scotty was sweet, caring, and gentle exactly when he needed to be, but Lilly also knew that he had his pride and his shortcomings, mostly involving a tendency to love too fast, too deep, and to blame himself for everything he could. What she had done had hurt him. Lilly knew that. And Scotty, with his ever innocent, black-and-white views, wouldn't see it any other way.

"Yeah." Lilly breathed. She waited for Kat to inject a sarcastic comment, or an awkward question, but the seconds ticked by slowly and none came. To her chagrin, Lilly found herself talking again, as though the words had been magically drawn out. "After today… he isn't going to forgive me. He said…"

"Said what."

"That he loved me."

Kat's eyes widened. So that's what Valens had gone and done? Proclaimed his love to a woman who had only ever known pain in relation to it? And only a month into their relationship? She couldn't quite decide if that was bold or brash, and sympathy flashed into her eyes. Sympathy for Scotty, for not being able to stop himself, and for Lilly, for not being able to find the right response. She let out a low whistle. "Ouch."

"What?" Lilly snapped. She hadn't even told the rest yet.

Kat gave her a weak smile. "I can guess. Valens got all wordy and put his feelings out there for you to see, an' you decided that instead of talkin' to your _boyfriend_ about _your_ feelings, the best thing to do was to turn and high tail it outta there? Am I close?"

Well when she put it like that… Lilly cringed. There was a reason you couldn't keep any secrets when you spent all day with detectives. "Yeah, but it's not that simple."

"Oh?" Kat raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"This is my career." Lilly argued, more with herself, than with Kat. If she could convince herself it was for the best that it was over between them, maybe it would make it a bit easier to accept. "Me and Scotty, you can't deny it's - was - inappropriate, and stupid. It's good that it's over. We spent way too long putting everything at stake."

"If you say so." Kat allowed passively, "But I gotta tell you Lil. You're the only one you're fooling. Everyone else, we can see how Scotty loves you. Me, Will, Nick, probably even Boss. An' you ain't fired yet, so I doubt that's the real problem."

For a moment, Lilly forgot to feel panic at the fact that her colleagues, all of them apparently, had figured out her secret, and that her Boss may very well be in the loop as well. She latched on, instead, to the rest of Kat's words. _You're the only one you're fooling…_ Was she? Fooling herself? Was thinking that she and Scotty could go back to normal, after this whirlwind of an adventure… was that just crazy? Lilly knew that she'd done some serious damage to their potential friendship by walking away like that, after… leading him on, and deluding him into thinking she would one day love him too, that she was whole and healthy and capable of love. Suddenly, with a rush of certainty, Lilly was sure that when this all blew over, and the dust settled, she and Scotty would no longer be working together. It didn't matter if he transferred out, or she did, or if one of them quit or was fired. They wouldn't see each other anymore, not if seeing him meant reliving the moment she'd broken his heart, his and her own. It made her infinitely sad.

"Guess you're right." She replied quietly. "We're not going to be able to keep seeing each other everyday. It'll just be… too messy." Lilly quickly glanced up to gauge Kat's expression, and was surprised by the utter shock and exasperation on her face.

"Were you even listenin'?" The other detective demanded, thoroughly annoyed. _Geez. It's like the words go in one ear an' out the friggin' other, never mind where her damn brain is. _"The job doesn't matter." She repeated her point slowly and clearly. "But you guys do."

"What do you mean?"

Kat sighed. "It matters, Lil. The point where the job, and all the crappy rules that go with it, ends, and the heart begins. I think you an' Valens passed that point a few millennia ago."

Lilly just stared back, so Kat continued. "An' I think he loves you, an' you know that, an' it scares the hell out of you so you're sittin' here tryin' to think up reasons why he don't mean what he said. Right?"

Thinking back at the way she'd desperately hoped to believe Scotty didn't love her, and how she'd tried to convince herself of it upon arriving back here, Lilly nodded numbly and a second later Kat was speaking again.

"An' when you couldn't do that, you wanted to hide behind the job. But that ain't gonna fly with me because I know you love him too. Don't even try an' deny it Lil. If you didn't love him, you wouldn't be feelin' like shit; if you didn't love him, you woulda kicked him out a long time ago an' we wouldn't be sittin' here; if you didn't love him, it wouldn't be so damn hard to let go."

At this point, Kat seemed to have finished her diatribe and fixed Lilly with a questioning glare, as though daring her to contradict anything she said. Lilly didn't. She knew Scotty loved her, she'd come to the conclusion hours ago. But, her? In love with Scotty? It didn't seem possible. She was Lilly Rush, the strong, silent, independent one, who held on to no one and nothing but the job; who'd made it through all those years; who was so walled off it took a jackhammer to make a crack in her icy façade; who… needed… Scotty Valens.

She needed him and she wanted… _him._ As a partner, in her life, in her house, in her heart. She needed him, like oxygen, or something equally essential, but less cheesy that Lilly couldn't think of at the moment because she was realizing - for the first time - that if Scotty truly left, it would be a crushing blow she wouldn't recover from. He was her last chance, at love, and life had certainly saved the best for last because Lilly couldn't imagine any other men in her life that even began to compare to Scotty.

"I love him." She whispered. It wasn't a question, just a mere statement of fact. Lilly Rush had fallen in love with Scotty Valens. Somehow, somewhere along the way. The only question was, what was she going to do?

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"… all in all, an unmitigated disaster." Kat summed up what she, Will, and Nick had found out that night from their separate colleagues grimly. After listening calmly, for the most part anyways, to Lilly's sob story, Kat knocked on Nick's door to find him and Will waiting for her.

Nick shook his head disbelievingly, still in shock from Scotty's abrupt transformation from driven cop, good friend, to drunkard. "I still don't believe it." He griped.

"What?" Kat asked.

"That him, and" He sputtered. "Valens and Rush." At the exasperated glance both his colleagues immediately sent him, he continued. " I mean I know it's true, I saw Valens today. But I mean,.. what the _hell_?"

"In case you haven't noticed." Will smiled. "They're kinda made for each other."

Nick snorted. "And you _have _noticed?"

Will and Kat just nodded and Nick fell silent, continuing to shake his head at the mystery of it all. He'd done his own detective work, turned over stones, and discovered that Scotty Valens was head over heels for Lilly Rush. But that didn't answer _how in the hell?_ It was a moment before Kat spoke again.

"What's he doing anyways?" She asked.

With a heavy sound in his voice, Will replied. "Drinking, down at the bar."

"Don't look so hopeful." Nick immediately added. "He ain't just drinkin'. We think he's tryin' to dry up the city."

"That bad?"

They both nodded.

Kat blew out a deep breath and said. "At least we can get home soon." There was a slight weariness in her usually crisp voice, one that no one could miss, but that no one could comment on either, given that they all sounded the same right about then. "I'm going to bed." She declared a moment later, and with a slight parting nod, turned to leave.

Her hand on the doorknob, Kat couldn't help but hesitate and add softly, "If those idiots don't figure things out…" She let the comment hang in the air.

A few minutes after she was gone, Nick burst out. "Seriously, it's like picturin' my brother and sister!"

Will gave him a disgusted look, picked up a pair of socks off the bed and tossed it in his - none too mature - partner's direction. "Then don't picture it, man."

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**Lilly can be a hard character to work with. How's she supposed to realize that Scotty loves her and vice versa? At least I got that over with though. We're nearing the end guys... 3-4 chapters left? Not sure, but please leave a review and I'll get them up ASAP. I love hearing from you guys. **


	27. Tied Together With A Smile

**Hmm. There is an end to this madness somewhere, I promise. Not in this chapter though. Don't own. Kudos to T-Swift for the awesome song title.**

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**Chapter 27: Tied Together With A Smile**

Scotty awoke with a headache.

Except he was sure that this was a headache like no other. His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, his eyes bleary, and God… that headache. Scotty groaned. Would it be wrong to just lie here, and move as little as possible?

It was as if the Powers That Be were plotting against him, because a second later, Scotty found himself easing his eyes open, cringing at the bright sunlight. He was in a hotel room. His, if he remembered the pile of discarded food wrappers correctly.

Scotty sat up slowly, taking note of the room's emptiness. Wherever he was, Nick Vera was not here, thank God. Maybe after a shower, Scotty would feel marginally better, and maybe then he would deal with everything else. Maybe not.

A few minutes later, he stood under the spray of the hot water, feeling the heat sooth his aching muscles and clear his head. But… the clear head didn't exactly make for a good forgetting mood, which was exactly what Scotty wanted. He didn't dare let his thoughts tread close to his girlfriend. _Ex_-girlfriend, he corrected bitterly.

When Scotty emerged from the bathroom, the room was still, mercifully empty, although the bright sunshine wasn't doing much for his mood, which was decidedly melancholy. In a surge of irritation, Scotty wrenched the curtains shut, and in the darkness that descended upon the small room, he spotted a note taped to the wall.

Upon further inspection, Scotty saw that it was written in Vera's messy scrawl.

_Valens- gone to the funeral, Richland Cemetary. In case you don't remember, Jeffries got here last night. _

Scotty staggered backwards, pulling the note off the wall and staring at it. Funeral? What? _Who? _He swallowed, Lil? Icy fear grappled at his chest and Scotty's mind cast wildly back for sometime, where she could've gotten hurt… and then it hit him… Not Lil.

It was logical that Portland PD would host some sort of service for their fallen police officers. Logic, something that seemed to be escaping Scotty on a regular basis. Slightly chagrined and embarrassed, Scotty quickly put on something that seemed funeral appropriate (most of his clothes seemed to find that criteria), and dashed out the door.

He kept up an inner mantra of pure denial as he closed the door behind him. Denial for the sudden, but not unexpected way Lilly seemed to find every excuse to instill herself in his mind. Denial for the prospect of seeing her today, because he wasn't sure he could handle that just yet. And denial for the whole situation they were in.

The denial wasn't so bad, Scotty mused wryly as he reached for the plastic key card. It might even be what would get him soberly through the day today. As long as he kept inside his bubble of self made ignorance, the world couldn't get at him. That, Scotty decided, would be his action plan.

And then he turned around and saw the only person, in a world of six billion, who could make his heart stop in its tracks and steal his next breath.

Lilly Rush.

Damn it.

Scotty froze and turned around quickly, as though her not seeing him meant she wasn't really there. But when he snuck a glance back around, there she was, bent over her own doorknob, struggling slightly with a mug of coffee and that key card that just wouldn't seem to fit.

Realizing she was far too occupied to notice him standing there quietly, Scotty took in her blond hair, falling over her face, her delicate fingers, the way she sighed heavily when the key finally worked…

She was beautiful. She was perfect. She was the freakin' love of his life and he couldn't take his eyes off her and holy crap… she looked up and Scotty found himself locked in a fierce stare with her.

_Damn it._

She had the same harried look that Scotty figured he was wearing this morning. Probably from not sleeping well enough and hurrying off to the same funeral as he was. Still, she held his gaze and it was Scotty who had to look away first. Just as it always was.

"I'm going…" Lilly trailed off, gesturing vaguely toward the elevator and feeling like she was speaking to a wall. Scotty had made a point of not looking at her, and no matter how hard she tried to catch his gaze, she was unable too.

For his part, Scotty for unprepared for the wave of pain that would hit him upon hearing her voice. There she was, case files tucked neatly under her arm, looking like it was just another day. In a flash, the pain was accompanied by righteous anger. How dare she? How fuckin' dare she be alright when he wasn't?

Against his will, their eyes met again, and for a second Scotty thought he could glimpse a hint of sadness behind her blue orbs too. He brushed past her without looking again, and as he walked by he thought he could hear her breath catch.

_Shut up._ He growled at himself. _You're imaginin' things and whatever the hell you do, do not talk to her._

But she was behind him now and somehow he found his voice. "Walk away, Rush… It's what you're good at, leavin'." He couldn't keep the bitterness or hurt out of his voice, and this time he was sure he heard her breath catch.

Lilly spun around incredulously. The cold shoulder, she was expecting. In fact, she'd been expecting that patented puppy dog look and having to make an awkward explanation for her disappearing act the day before. But she didn't expect the hurt she heard, the betrayal practically emanating off of him, or the way it seemed he couldn't stand to look at her. Had she really hurt him that badly?

Suddenly it hit her. He was breaking up with her. And with the last shreds of whatever _love_ he still had left for her, he was giving her the easy part. Allowing, and encouraging her to leave. Lilly shook her head. She wasn't giving up that easily.

"I'm not the one who's leaving." She said softly. "You are."

Scotty snorted. "Yeah well, I ain't gonna let you break me like all those other people broke you."

His words were harsh and he felt a momentarily satisfied that he'd been able to stun Lilly Rush into silence. It'd only happened a total of two times, one of which was yesterday. The ice queen of homicide wasn't unflappable after all, Scotty mused mournfully. He could almost feel her wince behind him, and he couldn't stop. "You know, your mom, your dad, your sister, an' Patrick and Kite? How 'bout Ray and Joseph?"

Lilly closed her eyes. "Why are you bringing them up?"

Scotty shrugged. Maybe it was to hurt her, maybe it was to placate himself and make him believe he hadn't failed, Lilly was just broken, damaged, probably irreparably. "They're the reasons you gotta go and ruin everything good, right?"

Before he could say another word, Lilly was barreling past him, stalking toward the elevator, her eyes straight ahead. When she got there, he saw her jab the elevator button with way more force than necessary and turn her head away.

He turned around and decided to take the stairs.

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When the elevator finally dinged open, Lilly stepped in, finding it mercifully empty. The moment the doors slid closed again she let out a shaky sigh and ran a hand through her hair. Biting her lip, Lilly realized how difficult it was to keep tears from falling and was just glad no one was around.

She paced around the small space, occasionally swiping at her eyes to get rid of the few tears that managed to escape. Scotty was way out of line, Lilly fumed inwardly. How could he say things like that? How could he throw her past at her, the one she'd been trying desperately to bury all month, as if it was just a weapon in his arsenal? And if he could be so … heartless, then how the hell had she come to the conclusion she loved that son of a bitch?

A second later, Lilly backtracked. Scotty wasn't heartless. She knew that much. But still… how could he just go and say… what he said?

_Well he was right._ A voice argued._ And shouldn't he be allowed to say what he feels?_

Lilly leaned against the wall, staggering backwards with the weight of the words her mind conjured up out of nowhere. Scotty was right. Scotty was absolutely, one hundred percent correct when he said that her past… it was the reason she played on the safe side.

_But that isn't my fault._ The child inside her piped up petulantly. She couldn't help it.

_Ain't his fault either._ This last voice startled Lilly, mainly because it sounded like a combination of Vera and Miller. But also, she admitted reluctantly, because they - whoever they were - were right too. It seemed everyone was right but her today.

With another pang of fear, Lilly knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she would have to tell him she thought that she might maybe be in love with him too. And as much as she dreaded that conversation, it was the after she feared the most. How would he react? Would they start over? Could they? Was it even possible?

And how the hell would she admit how she felt when he was so angry with her?

The questions swirled in her mind until she was dizzy, and more than a little confused.

When the elevator doors slid open again a few seconds later, and opened to a lobby of people, Lilly Rush had a smile on her face. Her emotions were neatly tucked back into the recesses of her mind. To be examined, prodded, and explored another, more convenient time.

Because she was Lilly Rush. And Lilly Rush was a master at hiding behind a feigned smile.

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Kat, Will, and Nick turned around when they saw their other male colleague slam the door to his car and stride toward them, his hands shoved deep into his pockets against the cold. They could see him brooding, looking down at the ground, his lips pressed together angrily. When he drew close enough to notice them, he smiled wanly and all three of them saw through it immediately, to the hurt and - was that regret? - shimmering below.

"Hey," He whispered, because someone important was saying something about the bravery of the fallen detectives, and his throat was too sore to do much else.

Three pairs of eyes glanced sympathetically his way and made no comment. Scotty Valens may have been broken inside, but on the outside, it was just another morning.

It was twenty minutes later when Lilly was walking up that hill towards them. Kat turned around, waving slightly, and frowning as her colleague immediately veered and headed in the opposite direction. She nudged Vera, tilting her head in Lilly's direction and walked after her.

"Lil!" Kat caught up with her in a few seconds, her breath puffing out like clouds of smoke in the cold morning air. She grabbed the other female detective's arm, wheeling her around and was taken aback by the tears shining in her eyes.

_Damn it._ Hadn't she admitted the night before that she was in love with Valens? Hadn't she had it figured out? Obviously not because those were tears of despair, not of fear. Meaning she told him? And the idiot hadn't forgiven her? _That piece of…_

"Miller." Lilly hissed lethally, shaking her friend off and continuing to walk. She wasn't really sure where, but away from Scotty, who was standing silently with Nick and Will, was good enough for her. "Back off."

"No way in hell." She exclaimed loudly. "I kept your damn secret for weeks, listened to _both_ of you complain. Did you tell him you love him? Did you?"

Lilly tried hard to keep the pain away from her voice. Kat was right, this had gotten too messy, for all of their coworkers. "It doesn't matter anyways." _He made that perfectly clear. _

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kat retorted. "Why's Valens still lookin' like you killed his puppy. 'Cause if you told him how you felt, the man would be over the moon and shoutin' it from the rooftops."

"Don't think so." Lilly murmured darkly. Good, they were out of earshot of the others now. "If he cared that why would he…" She trailed off.

"What?" Kat pressed.

"Say… those things." She replied almost plaintively. _Those things that are true. _

Kat rolled her eyes. So the two of them had spoken this morning, and it hadn't gone well… no wonder… "What'd the idiot say?"

Lilly took a deep breath. "He said... that I was broken. He said he didn't wanna stick around for me to break him too. He said I ruin everything that's good."

That fuckin' _bastard._ Was this how he was trying to make things right with Lilly? Was this his idea of understanding and loving and caring and being there and forgiving? Kat was speechless. She suddenly felt almost as though Scotty Valens deserved whatever heartbreak he'd suffered at the hands of Lilly Rush the day before.

Oh, she was going to give him a piece of her mind. No doubt about that. The tables had completely turned. The day before, that was Lilly getting scared, Lilly being shocked. This morning, well it was Valens being a complete ass. She whipped around and zeroed in on the offending person, standing nonchalantly by his colleagues. He had no idea hurricane Kat was about to blow through, and that she wouldn't be alone.

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When Kat was walking back to Will, Nick, and Scotty, she wondered why the hell she had to do everything around here. Were people simply unable, or unwilling, to solve their relationship problems on their own? She tugged Lilly along, who was half-heartedly trying to shake off the vice grip Kat had on her coat sleeve. When they drew nearer to Scotty, Lilly upped the ante to escape, but Kat was determined.

She dropped Lilly off next to Will Jeffries, trusting the older colleague to keep an eye on her while she and Scotty had a _chat._

Before Scotty could register the fact that Lilly was, once again, standing a mere three feet away from him, Kat grabbed him by the wrist, and with much more strength than Scotty thought she possessed, dragged him away.

"Nick!" Kat yelled, as she stalked and Scotty stumbled further away from the small gathering of people. Scotty saw Vera reluctantly trudge after them. Since when did he start listening to Kat without threat to his physical being?

When they were a good 50 feet away from Lilly, Kat finally stopped, and when Nick joined them a few seconds later, hissed. "What the _hell_ were you thinkin' Valens?

Scotty stared blankly. "What?"

"You know perfectly well what. How could you?" Kat demanded once again.

"Uh… Miller?" Vera asked wearily.

What had his girlfriend gotten into this time? And why, _why_, did she insist on dragging him into it?

Kat looked from Nick to Scotty and back again. "Valens you wanna tell him what you said to Lil this morning?"

Sick comprehension consumed Scotty in a wave. Of course that's what they were talking about. The words that he'd regretted the moment they were out of his mouth. The words that had obviously cut Lilly so deep she couldn't keep them inside like usual. Damn, would he ever figure out how to stop hurting this woman?

Taking another look at furious expression on Kat's face, Scotty decided - self preservation first, necessary apology later. "I was just mad," He defended himself hopefully, "It ain't true or anythin'"

"What ain't true?" Nick asked bemusedly.

Kat spared Scotty from answering, though a second later he wished she hadn't. She just made it sound so much worse. "This idiot basically told Lil that she was damaged goods he didn't want to fight for this mornin' "

Nick let out a low whistle and a sympathetic shake of the head. "Dude…"

Why were they all blaming him? _He _was the one who poured his heart out, a day ago on the cold concrete. _He _was the one with the broken heart, who deserved to lash out. What he'd said was fully justified. He didn't deserve this interrogation.

"An' Lil was gonna tell him she's in love with him this morning," Kat concluded, less angry, more exasperated this time.

And just like that the anger drained out of Scotty. Lilly Rush, was going to put it all out there too? _The_ Lilly Rush, who had never needed anybody, risked her career and her heart for anybody, was going to ignore whatever fear and whatever past she had. An overwhelming, almost painful guilt swelled in Scotty until he almost couldn't breathe.

"Shit." He exclaimed, rubbing his eyes tiredly and raking a hand through his hair.

Kat let him stew in the self loathing he fully deserved for a few seconds before speaking. "You can still make it right," She said, her voice uncharacteristically soft.

"Yeah? How?" Scotty asked hollowly.

Kat seemed to glance questioningly at Nick, and then they seemed to exchange a million words and come to a decision. Scotty was too preoccupied to notice until Kat silently slipped her hand into Nick's. He looked between them questioningly.

The way Nick was smiling, the way Kat was too. The way their hands stayed intertwined, gloveless but impervious to the cold. The way the glance shared between them was filled with emotion and compassion.

No way.

Uh-uh.

No way _in hell_.

Miller and… Vera?

Scotty staggered backwards, looking frantically between the two of them, his own problems lost for a second in this sudden, and frankly quite disturbing, new revelation. "You guys…" He managed weakly. "You…" He wasn't quite sure what to say.

He was saved asking the awkward question by Nick's toothy grin and gravelly voice. "Who woulda guessed, huh?"

Kat buried her elbow in his stomach, but she was smiling too. "The _point _is." She admonished. "Boss knows, and Will knows, and now you know. And the world didn't cave in. You just gotta make Lil see that."

Scotty nodded grimly, still reeling from this shock. Two of his closest friends fell in love and he didn't even notice. His detective skills needed serious honing and he made a mental note to ask them how in the hell they kept it a secret for however long it's been. From the look on both their faces, it's had been a while.

But with Lilly… he swallowed. If he loved her and she loved him. Then the only thing standing in their way was the impulsive, stupid things he'd said this morning, and the fear of losing their jobs. The second, well that one didn't really even matter, Scotty concluded. He'd transfer out. He'd quit. Hell, he'd move to the moon as long as she came with him.

But the first… Well that was going to take a bit of work. But Scotty was going to try, was going to find out if all the questions he'd asked himself the night before, if the answer to them was yes. And he wasn't going down without a fight.

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**I'm still trying to figure out the next bit. But leave me a review? Maybe with some ideas? **


	28. Please Don't Stop The Rain

**Sorry for the delay. I hope you guys like this one, it took a while to get it right... And I'm still not sure I fully managed it, but oh well *grin*  
This title of this chapter is after a song of the same name by James Morrison. See all other chapters for disclaimer, I'm sure you'll find one that suits your fancy.

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**Chapter 28: Please Don't Stop The Rain**

The car was silent, and as Scotty gunned the accelerator and sped past yet another slow moving minivan on the highway, he wondered if the tension could cut a ton of steel in half. Lilly sat next to him in stony silence, likely still fuming from the way Nick, Will, and Kat had roped them into this car together. Soon after the funeral, the three of them had hopped into Will's car and were halfway back to Philly before Scotty and Lilly knew what hit them. With some apprehension, Scotty had summoned up his remaining courage, and managed to get them on the road together.

That had been two hours ago.

Every so often, he chanced a glance over at her, but she'd slipped expertly behind an icy mask and he had no idea what she was thinking. She could be hating him, loving him, or just plain annoyed by his skittish behavior. He was sure it was likely a combination of all of the above.

He wasn't quite sure how to approach this - her. There were so many things he wanted to talk about. He wanted to speak eloquently of her beauty, and her intelligence, and the ways she made him so happy he couldn't believe it. How the last month was one of the best of his life. He wanted to tell her he understood that she was scared, and let her know he was willing to work through whatever fear she had together. That he loved her and would always be there. That she was extraordinary.

But he also wanted to say that he was hurt. That he needed some reassurance from her, and that running for the hills when things got tough just _wasn't_ an option. Point blank, not an option anymore. Because it made it feel like he was on a roller coaster and he couldn't be happy that way.

It was like a battlefield with her. When he first met Lilly, over four years ago, he found himself on the outside looking in, and he hadn't minded for the longest time. And then, sometime before things with Elisa had gotten so rocky for a final time, he'd made it past the first line, and found himself friends with Lilly Rush.

Of course, he'd quickly slipped back into polite, and sometimes not so polite, acquaintances during the Christina fiasco, but they'd made it past that. He'd fought, and fought hard, for her friendship, her respect, and her trust back.

The day her mother died, Scotty felt, sitting on her coffee table and promising to be there, he'd crossed another of her barriers. He'd felt something raw and real between them, and for the first time he knew, with startling clarity, that the innocent flirtation over the years wasn't all that innocent, and the jealousy he'd felt when Ray and Joseph skipped through her life wasn't all that fake.

That final line had been crossed late one night in her house, and the details were still fuzzy in Scotty's mind. But he'd woken up the next afternoon, after sleeping most of the day away with Lilly in his arms. He remembered her putting on his shirt, cooking together in her kitchen, and he remembered deciding right then and there that he wanted to see Lilly Rush in his shirt every morning, kiss her, and tell her she was simply amazing, probably for the rest of his life.

It all boiled down to two things. He loved her, and he needed to know she loved him too. Not too much to ask, right?

Scotty just wasn't sure where to start.

In the maelstrom of thoughts, he settled on the hurtful words he'd tossed at her offhandedly this morning and felt a bubble of self hatred well up deep inside him. He'd had no right to say those things, he knew that now. But he'd been angry, hurt, and just wanted to lash out. Nevertheless, he owed her an apology. Even if _they_ didn't work out, he wanted to apologize, and make things, at least somewhat, right again.

* * *

Lilly was feeling trapped. Both in Scotty's car and between what he rheart yelled at her to do, and the way her brain pulled her back. She knew she should tear him a new one for saying those stupid things he'd said, but all she really wanted was to forget about it. Forget what she'd said and forget what he'd said, and just go back to the perfect balance they'd had for a month.

She didn't want to have the conversation that would lay it all on the table. The one she knew he was dying to have.

From terrifying experience, Lilly knew what that conversation would entail. It was all teary and commitments and declarations of everlasting_ love._ She wasn't sure if she could handle any of them at the moment.

She loved Scotty. Well, actually she wasn't sure. She knew that she liked him a whole hell of a lot though, judging by the way being with him was what made her happiest. And by the way he'd wormed his way into her heart, and she hadn't thrown him out. Lilly cast her mind back to another time she'd felt like this, and she couldn't find one.

Scotty was a lot of things, Lilly decided, leaning her head against the window and watching the road speed past beneath her, but patient was not one of them. He was headstrong, stubborn, fiercely loyal, and loved as hard as a person could. But he wasn't patient. He couldn't wait for her. Lilly knew from the way he'd reacted, that cold day in front of a ruined building, and his hollow eyes the next morning, that he couldn't wait. That he was a right here, right now kind of person. And like it or not, Lilly had broken his heart by not being there.

Of course, she knew that wasn't entirely true either. He had dreams, and plans for the future, that were so deeply ingrained he would never be able to let go of them for anyone. Not that Lilly wanted him to. Oh no, what she wanted was to be part of those dreams. If only she knew how. If only she knew how to make him _believe _she could. With startling clarity, she realized that as many issues as she had, Scotty matched them as well.

A few minutes later, Lilly saw the bleak grayish hues of the highway change to a quiet countryside scene. Whether Scotty was taking the scenic route home, or if she was suddenly hallucinating, Lilly wasn't sure. But it sure was beautiful. The trees stretched so high she had to crane her neck, and still barely catch a glimpse of the top. Icicles dripped off the branches and snow lay thickly on the ground. Lilly was sure that had she stepped out of the car, she would've heard birds chirping, and feel the pleasant silence that came from being enveloped by nature. She didn't mind the distraction.

Suddenly, she realized that the car was slowing to a stop at the edge of the road, and for the first time in forever she glanced over at Scotty.

He was staring resolutely ahead, jaw squared, determined. Less of the hollow look from this morning that still haunted her, and more apprehensive.

Scotty remove the keys from the ignition, and minus the buzz of the engine, the silence was palpable.

"Where are we?" She asked, because it seemed like a normal enough question for all the emotions that hung between them.

Scotty shrugged. "We used to come here huntin'. Me, Mikey, couple of stupid old cousins." Lilly barely missed the wistfulness in his voice.

"It's nice."

Scotty pressed his lips into a thin line. That wasn't why he had stopped. Oh the familiarity was comforting, but he hadn't driven half an hour out of their way to talk about his cousins. He mentally told himself to get his ass in gear.

"Lil-"

"-Scotty."

They spoke at the same time, and when Lilly fell silent, Scotty continued.

"I'm sorry." Simple. A simple apology alleviated much of the guilt in Scotty's heart. But the relief was short lived, because it only gave way to the pain beneath.

Apparently though, he was a sucker for punishment, because he found himself continuing to strip away the layers of guilt that masked the heart-wrenching sadness. "I'm sorry I pushed you, an' that I almost died on you, an' that I ruined things and said that stuff that ain't true."

Lilly nodded. Sort of acknowledging he'd spoken, but not confirming his words were true. Scotty wasn't sure what to make of it and another uncomfortable silence descended between them.

"You know I bet we would've had the cutest kids." Scotty blurted. Normally he'd would've been terrified to even mention kids to her, but this was, he realized, essentially goodbye, as a couple. What did he really have to lose? "And I bet you would've made a great mom."

Tears burnt at the back of Lilly's eyes and she pressed her lips together, still unable to speak. Her brain screamed at her to say something, reminding her that, for better or for worse, she still wanted him. And he was saying goodbye.

"You want me to transfer out?" He asked, only half joking. He laughed in an attempt to stop tears from falling from his own eyes. "I could get a job on Pluto or somethin'."

Lilly fought to say something. _No, I don't want you to transfer out. I want to see you everyday, and I want you to teach me how to love you._ She couldn't, and suddenly the tiny car seemed too much for her racing heart and she unbuckled her seatbelt hastily, stepping into the snow and closing the door behind her.

She walked a few feet, her shoes making a splooshing sound in the near melting snow on the ground. It was unseasonably warm. Soon her heart calmed a bit and she heard Scotty's panting breaths behind her. Goddamnit, he'd chased her from the car. That was both the most annoying, and the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for her.

Lilly turned around to face him and the frustration of the past few days burst out in a torrent. She reached out, placed both hands on his chest and pushed him backwards as hard as she could.

"You wanna leave? Move to fucking Pluto?" She demanded. "Go ahead."

Lilly pushed him again, ignoring his wide-eyed confusion and hurt. He barely budged. Had he always been that much taller than her?

"Lilly…" Couldn't she see that he didn't want to leave her? That all he wanted was to be allowed to love her?

"Scotty. If you don't want to do this anymore, then go. Don't make it about me."

"What the hell are you talkin' about?"

"I'm saying you seem pretty eager for this all to end."

He stared at her. "Are you kiddin' me? I told you I love you, Lil, and you said you were sorry, but you couldn't. Then you left."

Lilly's words were loud and lethal in their silent surroundings. "I never said it was over, or that I was even thinking about ending it."

"You…" Scotty waved his hands indignantly. "You left me standing on the frickin' sidewalk, bleedin' and wonderin' what the hell happened. I kinda took that for 'so long, Valens'. If you get what I'm sayin'"

"God, have you ever been in a relationship before? I just needed some time to think, and I know." She dropped her voice and took a step closer. "I know I didn't handle it well. But I didn't expect you to give up."

Lilly bit her lip and Scotty could see the little girl who still had dreams of a knight in shinning armor that she was struggling to cover up. He was confused. In fact, he was beyond confused.

"What do you want Lil?" He asked, helplessly "'cause name it, and I'll do it."

What did she want? Lilly took a deep breath. She wanted this not to be so difficult. She wanted them to have a smooth ride, as a normal couple. But more than anything she wanted to go back to that moment on the side walk, when Scotty had first said those three little words, and react differently. Now that she knew how deeply she cared for him, and she believed that he cared for her just as much, she wanted to go back and not break both their hearts.

"Try again." She said, with a wavery smile.

He knew exactly what she meant. The moment it all went wrong. Redo that. See what happens. It should've been easy, the words _I love you_ should've fell from his lips naturally. He'd been dying to say it for so long. But they didn't, he couldn't.

"Please Scotty?"

Damn it. He had to.

He dared to step a little closer to her, and felt emboldened when she didn't shrink away. "Lil, I've been plannin' to tell you how much I love you for so long. An' I had all these reasons why you should love me too and how we were gonna make it. But every time I saw you, I'd kinda forget."

She laughed. A real, giggly, hopeful kind of laugh that made Scotty, made both of them, forget that this was a redo.

"I missed you." He said suddenly, stepping temporarily away from the more serious stuff. "Last couple of days… I missed you."

"Me too."

"But anyways. I guess I just wanted to say that I love you so damn much Lilly Rush."

He smiled widely, having finally said it to her the way he wanted to. Perfectly.

Lilly's heart continued to thump inside her chest. This was her do-over. Her chance to not run away and makes things right. She had so much she wanted to tell him. _I want to be with you. I need some space. Let me think for a while. I have to make sure I can do this._

She knew it wasn't what he would want to hear, and as she watched the smile start to slip off his face, the silence poignant, she knew reality was hitting him just as hard as it was hitting her. This could still be over. After all of this, they could be back at square one.

"I love you, too."

Lilly's eyes widened. That wasn't what she meant to say. It was so far off from her 'I need space, but I like you a whole lot' that it wasn't even in the same ball park anymore. But Jesus, it felt so right.

"Did you hear me, Scotty? I love you."

For Scotty, it was as though time had stopped, and the distance between him and Lilly was suddenly way too far. He stepped closer and cupped her face with his hands, staring into her brilliant blue eyes. God, she was beautiful, she was amazing. What on earth could he have done to deserve her?

"Scotty?" Her voice reached him through the roaring in his ears. "Are you okay? You heard me right? I love you… I'm all in."

_All in._

He brushed a few wayward snowflakes from her hair and wrapped his arms around her waist. She was so small. Tall, definitely, but slender and lithe, like something he'd dreamed once and was never really able to hold on to.

"Oh me too." He answered, " Way in."

Scotty leaned in and pressed his lips to the corner of hers, trailing kisses along her jaw and down her neck. "So in." He whispered between kisses. "That all I see is in."

Lilly closed her eyes, reveling the moment. Everything else could be figured out later, really. Maybe she didn't need any space or any thinking. Maybe she just needed him. Thinking was overrated anyways. She was lost in these delightful thoughts when she felt something heavy fall on her head.

What? Snowflakes weren't heavy. She felt Scotty stop kissing for a second and they both looked upward. A drop of water splashed into her eye and when she quickly blinked it out, she saw Scotty looking at her worriedly, as though the sudden rain would jolt her back to her senses and this dream would end.

Lilly smiled and said, "It's raining."

"It's the middle of December," Scotty protested, still looking a bit worried. "That ain't supposed to be happenin' "

She put her fingers over his lips, trailing their outline and marveling at how perfect they looked. "I love rain."

He smiled under her fingers. "I love you." The sound was slightly muffled, but they brought tears to Lilly eyes anyway.

And when she moved her hand to wrap around his neck, his lips met hers, the rain came down a bit harder, seeping into both their clothes and matting their hair.

They never wanted it to stop.

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**Your thoughts? I think we may be drawing to a close here... Not yet but very very very soon. **


	29. I'd Rather Be With You

**WOW, its been a long time... some personal stuff came up. Anyways, here is the last chapter guys. I hope you all enjoy it. Chapter title by Joshua Radin.

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**Chapter 29: I'd Rather Be With You**

_Need to be bold  
Need to jump in the cold water  
Need to grow older with a girl like you_

Scotty wasn't quite sure when they decided to walk back to the car. But when they were both soaked to the skin, and wearing identical smiles, he threw his arm around her shoulders and started steering them back toward the road. To reality. To the amazing new stretch of life he saw before him, with Lilly.

Water splashed up near Scotty's ankles as he laced his fingers with hers. "You know, we don't really gotta go back to Philly."

He let the suggestion hang in the air. _Let's run away. Let's be in love where no one and nothing can get in the way. _

She smiled, sighing happily, and asked, "You really think we'd make it?"

"Hell yeah." His smile widened. Nothing in the world would've made him happier in that moment, or any moment he supposed, than Lilly agreeing to run away with him. "Could even leave today."

"And go where?"

"Anywhere." He stopped and pulled her into a tight hug. "Everywhere. So long as I'm with you."

"Wish it were that easy…" Lilly said. She kissed the stubble on his chin, knowing it drove him crazy.

God, he was never going to let this woman go. "It could be."

She shook her head and pulled back, linking her arms around his neck. His own arms traveled down around her waist. "You're the only one who can work the fax machine." She reminded him. "And if we leave who'll stop the doughnut wars from getting out of hand?"

He pretended to be disappointed for a second, then he acquiesced like she knew he would and they walked together toward the edge of the woods.

"And then there's your family." She burst out. "All 800 of 'em live in Philly."

Scotty laughed. That was the first time he'd heard her speak of the number of people in his family without the hint of fear and apprehension that went with it. It both amazed him, and emboldened him. "There's not 800 people." He protested. "But there's a lot."

"Well, I wanna meet them." She announced. "And we gotta be in Philly to do that. Can't expect your parents to drive out to Vegas, can we?"

He caught her in a surprise kiss. He knew his family intimidated her, which was why he'd so far neglected to mention them. But the fact that she was bringing it up, with a hopeful happiness, and not dread - it touched his heart. "Did I ever tell you you're amazin', Rush?"

She patted his cheek lightly with one hand, and reached to open the car door with the other. "It's implied."

* * *

"What do you think Boss is gonna say to them?" Kat mused aloud. She, Will, and Nick had arrived back in Philly just after lunch. As promised, the Lieutenant had immediately confined Kat and Nick to desk duty, where they were now sitting, dutifully explaining away the extra mileage on department cars as delicately as possible. With Lilly and Scotty still AWOL and another case to solve, the Boss had taken off on an interview with Will for the first time in weeks. Kat believed he was secretly pleased.

Nick leaned back in his chair and yawned widely. He glanced at the clock. "Dunno, that is _if_ they make it back before Boss retires." It was nearing dinner time with no sign of either of their colleagues.

"Where the hell are they?" Kat complained. "I gotta be here when they break the news to Boss."

Nick fiddled with his cell phone for a few minutes. "Nah. Valens and Rush ain't answerin' their texts and calls keep dumpin' me to voicemail." He frowned, remembering Kat's last words. "Wait, what news?"

She tossed some crumpled paper at him. "That they're together." Kat fixed him with a piercing glare, as though daring him to challenge her. He did.

"I love it when you're wrong." He smiled. "What makes you think they're gonna spill the beans?"

"Uh…." She pretended to think for a second. "'Cause they're either comin' clean or breakin' up. An' you and me both know there's no way they're gonna quit on their relationship now."

Nick reached into his wallet and defiantly placed 20 dollars on the table. "Okay, agree with you on the stayin' together part. Ain't never seen Valens like that over a woman before…" He shook his head with amusement. "But 20 says he can't convince her to tell Boss."

"You're on." Kat placed her own wager on the table, where Nick swept it all up and locked it in his desk drawer.

Just then, they heard a frustrated murmur from the bullpen entrance moving toward them. "… frickin' waste of time." It sounded like Jefferies, which was so out of character that both Nick and Kat immediately shared a worried glance.

"Don't know what we were thinking…" Came an equally annoyed muttered. It could only be Boss.

They didn't have much time to worry though, because the next moment, after hearing the slamming of two locker doors, Will and Boss strode into the bullpen and sank into two chairs next to them without a word.

Nick's eyes travelled between the two. "Everything alright in the real world?"

"Peachy." Will said, pulling a six pack of beer from underneath his desk. "Been chasin' a damn ghost all afternoon that's all."

Kat sighed in mock sympathy. "You know if you had us out there…" She tilted her head suggestively.

"Don't push it." Boss warned. "You two fully earned the two weeks at your desks. Same goes for Rush and Valens when they get their asses back in Philly."

"Well speak of the devil." Nick said, reaching for a beer and looking up over everyone's shoulders. Three other people followed his gaze to their arriving colleagues. Lilly and Scotty.

Kat studied them critically as the two approached the cluster of desks. They both bore the characteristic weariness of travelers happy to be home, but there was something else, an undercurrent of love, trust, and peace between them. She remembered her words to Scotty in the morning, moreover remembered _his _words to Lilly that had done all that damage. But if Lilly could forgive him, that fast, for throwing her past in her face… She smiled smugly, knowing for _sure_ now that the money in the desk drawer was hers. No way Lilly and Scotty could be wearing those matching smiles if they were still holding a secret.

Lilly was acutely aware of the silence in the squad room from the moment she and Scotty walked in. She longed to take a deep breath and just _shout. _Shout loud enough for them all to hear and for them to _know._

_He loves me. I love him. Whatever IAD wants to throw at us, bring it. _

Instead she let a wide smile spread across her face and when Scotty caught her eye she felt a blush rise up her cheeks and didn't bother to hide it.

"I take it the two of you have something to tell me." Stillman surveys them critically. Not angry, just thoughtful, and that was when the whole squad caught on. He'd known. Right from the beginning their boss had known two of their colleagues had fallen in love.

They both nodded, saying nothing and following him into his office. A second after the door snapped shut quietly, Kat held out her hand at Nick, grinning widely. He rolled his eyes and slapped the bills into her waiting hand.

* * *

Lilly and Scotty sat across from their boss, feeling not unlike school children being called to the principal's office. Neither of them were sure of how to begin to tell the story they had.

Stillman spread his hands wide, waiting for them to speak. "Come on, out with it."

He'd known for a long time really, since the first day Lilly came in looking less tired than usual, and Scotty had worn a satisfied grin. He knew all he needed to know, and this nail-biting confession thing he was making them do - that was pretty much just for entertainment's sake.

Scotty looked at Lilly, silently asking for permission he already knew he had. She nodded almost imperceptibly. Scotty let out a long relieved sigh. He hadn't gotten to tell anyone yet. Sure, their detective colleagues had found out, but now he could just come out and _say it._

"I'm in love with Lilly." He clears his throat. "I mean, detective Rush. An' I musta done somethin' right 'cause I'm pretty sure she loves me too." Lilly smacked his arm, but the words continued to spill out. "But Boss, we ain't gonna stop bein' in love 'cause of department policies or nothin'."

"Valens..." Stillman tries to interject, but the young detective wasn't finished yet.

"No. You can do whatever you want…" He informed his boss in a spurt of bravery. "You could even fire me. But it don't matter 'cause I got, Lil. And…"

"Scotty!" She shoots him an amused, but lethal glare and tilts her head at Stillman.

"What I was going to say," Stillman smiled patiently, "was that you two have to fill out these forms." He reached behind his desk and laid two pieces of paper before them. ".. and that it's about damn time."

Lilly smiled weakly. That was it. They had Boss's approval, everyone knew. Everything was okay now.

"Seriously?" Scotty stared, reaching for his own form. "That's it?"

Stillman nodded, "If you don't mind, I'd like a word with Lilly alone."

Looking just a bit confused, Scotty left the room and shut the door quietly. It was Lilly who spoke first.

"You knew." She said. "All along…"

"There's a reason I'm the boss," He smiled. "I like to think I still got it."

She bit her lip, signing confidently on the dotted line. "But you never said anything." It was a question, asking for an explanation.

He shrugged. "Haven't seen you so happy for a while."

"These forms are fake." She told him. "The ones that go to IAD all have a stamp at the top."

"Your powers of deduction never fail you. Scotty on the other hand…"

Lilly laughed. "He's just happy it all worked out." A second later, she added. "Why though?" She gestured at the form IAD would never see.

Stillman removed his glasses, surveying his detective. "I report you two, and they'll march in with their shiny badges and uniforms and split you up. I'm thinking in the best interest of my team."

"Is that what you told Miller and Vera?"

He nodded. "Some things are more important that policies. I'm glad you found them."

"Thanks, boss."

* * *

That night, they sat around a table in diner, all 6 of them, sipping soft drinks and waiting for their burgers to come. It had been a long time since they'd gone out like this, all together. Jokes were being bounced around and laughter was contagious.

"You and Rush." Vera stated matter of factly.

"You and Miller." Scotty shot back with a grin as Lilly and Kat rolled their eyes at each other.

"Well ain't we just the picture of the American dream?" Vera took a long slurp of his drink. "Pickett fence, dog, housewife."

Kat looked scandalized. "Who's the housewife?" She demanded.

Vera took one look at her dangerously raised eyebrows. "Me." He immediately responded.

"You got that right." Kat replied, clinking her plastic cup together with Lilly's.

A ridiculous thought occurred to Scotty, "we could double date."

"Not happening." Lilly and Kat chorused.

Scotty threw an arm around Lilly's shoulders in a sudden daring moment. "You never know."

Lilly shook her head again, a laugh bubbling out. "Seriously Scotty, that's not happening."

Scotty shrugged and ducked his head to whisper in her ear. "Rather be with you anyway."

* * *

**THE END**

**a/N**

**Well, I gotta say I never expected it to end this way... and it's super hard to write now that the show is gone ): Still, I hope you enjoyed this story, and now would be a great time for a review, or some criticism, or just a hello. **

**Thanks For Reading!**

**-Jess**


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